If i could purr

If i could purr i certainly would :) coz i finally overcame my fear of doing that dreaded 2nd lap round the tasik !!!!!!! dunno why but i always seem to come up with all kinds of excuses not to. probably its the fear of not being able to finish something i start kot. see, i play this mind games with myself and come up with funny stuff like 2x 1/2 laps lah 2x 3/4 laps lah and macam2 lagi lol

But i did it... i finally did it !!!!!! i ran the 1st lap at a slow and easy pace, all the while thinking of nothing but... nak buat ke tak, nak buat ke tak, nak buat ke tak ?!! like some stupid mantra lol but it actually sorta helped coz before i knew it i was already into my 2nd. it was the point of no return so i decided what the heck !!! taji jer hehehe... i stuck to the easy pace and completed the 2 laps in about 80 minutes. not too good a time i know but my target was just to finish it off in a respectable manner.... tak pancit and tak compromise my problem knee (my left knee kinda aches sometimes and since its very unpredictable, i have to be careful not to push it). woo hoo... besh sungguh. if my very crude estimation is correct then i did 8 km today *doing the jiggly*

In case you're wondering where's the hubby.... no, i did not abandon the guy lol he's off night golfing. something he very much prefers doing ;)

And to fadzli & the other guyz n gals out there with running blogs....... thank you for being such an inspiration !!!!

And to God we shall return..

Why is it when you get a call in the wee hours of the morning it almost always heralds a death ?!! Inna lillah wa inna ilaihi rajiun. sadly it was the passing of a young life.... of dreams unfulfilled, of potential unrealised. i can just imagine the loss & devastation the mother must be going through. not only has she lost her husband that many years ago, now its her eldest son. we call him Boy even though he's already in his 20's... still single, in the prime of his youth and his mom's 'org harapan' in running the family business. i pray that God grants her the strength & courage to acccept all this. losing a child is every parents' nightmare.

They had the sembahyang jenazah done at the Slim River Hospital but he will be buried in Pedu Kedah, in close proximity to his dad's grave. cause of death... cardiac arrest. it was very sudden and in his mom's own words, "tengah dok elok2, tiba2 dah tak dak" *sigh* these days, such news has ceased to amaze me. diseases that used to be reserved for the older folks, are no longer age specific. i dunno... its probably our modern lifestyle. the pace, the environment, the expectation, the pressure. it doesnt really auger well for a long and fruitfull life. not unless we strive to achieve some sort of balance. balance & harmony... now thats a tough one!! if you ever do figure it out pls let me know?!!

Semoga syurga milik mu.

Off-Me-Butt Report
Its 3 days in a row that my hubby has agreed to go jogging !!! and tonite marks his first 3 km... isnt that just great :) you should have seen me.... jogging nicely beside him, so supportive one hehehe but i now know how a doggie on a leash must feel like. gawd, it took all i had to keep my feet from breaking into a run lol

My Reading
I have this tendency to read 2 books at one go..... that is, until i reach a certain point where the plot grips me and i go on to finish it.

PS. I love you ... a 'gal book' by Cecelia Ahern

Catch-22 .. an oldie by Joseph Heller

Just take a deep breath woman!!

I'm worried sick over my 2nd son's fast approaching SPM and as usual he's pretty damn cool about it (even when his exam results leave a LOT to be desired) !!! experience tells me no amount of forcing or nagging will wrought any change unless he himself wills it.... but gawd i feel like shaking him till his bones rattle.... arrgghh !!!

I've always appreciated the 'fragility' of the young male psyche and watched countless instances when they are being lovingly 'castrated' by their elders.... overuled & subjugated without any consideration to the final effect upon their character. The boys need to figure out their masculinity & their role as leaders one way or another, and it certainly wont help if they're shouted at or nagged to death. BUT on the other hand, terlampau understanding sangat diorang jadi 'mua' & manja. HELP !!!! pls grant me the wisdom to bring the best out of my children God. ameen !!!

*****
After coming back from the doc's with a blood sugar level of 8 (before meal) and 17.5 (after meal) the hubby had no choice but to finally take his diabetes seriously. right after maghrib he initiated a jog around the neighbourhood (mind you, no lenggang mak limah walk as per usual) and he managed to sustain it 3/4's of the way !!! i was so proud of him :) but also hoping lah its not going to be hangat2 tahi ayam again. he just cant afford to fool around with his health anymore..... with diabetes, too much is at stake. part of the reason why i restarted all this fitness thing was to encourage him to do the same.. i had visions of the both of us struggling together (complete with middle age paunch), sharing the aches & pains, egging each other on lol

maybe this time, i wont be a lonely runner anymore ;)

A first

Theres a great possibility that i just might've made my first 7 km run this morning..... yay !!! the reason i'm not too sure about it is because i still dunno the actual distance round the shah alam main lakes. its actually 3 lakes joined together and it runs from the edge of the state mosque right across to Wet World and back. unlike Lake Titiwangsa there are NO markers.... i've already posted an enquiry at the MBSA website but alas, nobody has bothered to reply *sigh* anyway i did do some crude estimations (based on my runs around the neighbourhood.... where i could easily check the distance with my car) and i think its probably about 4 km. and this morning i did a complete lap plus another 2x 1/2 laps (theres plenty of interconnecting bridges to break it into smaller routes).

It was a beautiful morning to begin with and i didnt really start with the burning desire to run like a mad woman lol it just sorta happen..... the air was cool, i was feeling fine and after the initial warm up pace, everything just flowed. wow... cant begin to tell you how fantastic it felt.... would have gone on & on if i didnt have all these chores to attend to lol unfortunately because i didnt really plan on it i didnt make a point to check the timing.... but i think it was under 50 mins.

Anyway, i sure am a cheshire cat right now..... cant seem to stop grinning !! the man will probably think its reverse PMS or something lol but i cant help it i'm soooooo happy :) he's already given me the green light to get a better pair of running shoes.... something kinder to the creakin' knees (and of course much more expensive lol and the main reason why i invested so much time sweet talkin' me ole man in the first place heheh). gotta shop for one real soon.

ooohhh... aint life great !!!! :)

Hari ini dalam sejarah

Happy happy joy joy.... its a momentous day for civil servants. its the last 'working' saturday for all of us....... no more dragging ourselves outta bed (while the other half sleeps on oh soooo peacefully) for work ever again !!!!!!! it sure has been a long time in coming and its actually nothing but a natural progression from the '1st & 3rd saturday off' arrangement. you think the powers that be might change their mind about this??!! they can get kinda fickle sometimes....... but nah, dont think so, they wouldnt want a a riot on their hands hehehe.

Was thinking i'd just enjoy my last saturday here stuck at my faithful ole chair, sneaking in the net to post a couple of messages while i deal with the paperwork...... but that is not to be it seems. my name's cropped up for a one day seminar at the Intekma Resort & Convention Centre and for the life of me i'm not to sure what its about coz darn it, i kinda misplaced that memo. ah well, just have to be there by 9.30 am armed with a notebook and all will be well hehehe!

Gonna visit my younger bro (different mom) at ampang puteri medical centre right after work..... he just had his appendix removed. must remember to stop over and get the guy a pizza or something.... hmmm, dunno if he can eat it though..... but aaahhhh, thats why i have the kids.... it'll disappear in no time lol.

The Kiddos... 17, 20, 13 yrs

The Kitties... at 3 mths

Hanging on to compassion

When we are of the same level & position as the people who are suffering and in need, its always so much easier to empathise and sympathise. probably because its much easier to relate and understand thus making compassion flow that much easier. I guess thats normal and sharing life's experiences are supposed to make us better people.

and when we care deeply enough about something to the extent of wanting to help bring about some kind of change, then we naturally strive to place ourselves in a position of power or at least a position of influence in our own respective capacity.... be it a class monitor, office rep, respected community member, chief supervisor, head imam, etc. because it cant be denied that its mostly the people of power or the people of influence who gets noticed and who's message gets across. So if we care enough to want improvement, our causes need to be heard.... by the masses and by the people of higher position & power.

Now the great challenge is, when we're already in that favoured position, can the compassion, empathy and sympathy that once flowed so strongly in our veins be contained and maintained? usually the tendency to boss around 'dependents' and the people perceived to be lower will come unbidden, and one of the justification would be.... because we know better !!! well, to be honest, we probably do know better since we didnt get to be where we are for nothing. but, and its a big BUT, that doesnt mean we shouldn't continue showing respect for the others. if we're not careful, thats exactly what would happen...... parents bulldozing over their childrens' choices, bosses disregarding their employees' preferences. its tougher to empathise & sympathise when we also have the power to command, and where others have to follow.

Can we be strong enough not to be corrupted by power? as parents, as leaders of the community, as employers ? therein lies the test to hang on to our sense of humanity & compassion.

Hmmm... i need to remind myself not to bully my charges.

------------------------------------------------

'Off-My-Butt' Report (in other words my workout for the day lol)

factoring in the fact that i was fasting when i did my treadmill work:

Time - 43 mins ( i couldnt stay a minute longer coz i promised to meet my daughter at 6 pm)

Incline - 2

Speed - 5 mins warming up at 4.5 km/hr, 30 mins cruising at 7.5 - 8 with spurts of 9 and cooling off at 5 downwards for the remaining time.

Distance - 5.1 km

Calories burned - 330

(and i have since rewarded myself with one very yummy wall's magnum almonds heheh)


My Reading

Doctors .. an oldie by erich segal

Emotional Intelligence .. by Daniel Goldman (rereading snippets)

Handling frustrations

We encounter disappointments and frustrations almost on a daily basis dont we? if not big ones then its the wee ones that crop up here and there. it can certainly wear us down if we allow it to. not getting what we want, being thwarted in our efforts, facing opposition, rejection, broken promises... 1001 things. a sure way to the looneybin if we dont acquire some sorta skill at handling the frustration & anger. its usually the small, seemingly inconsequential problems left unattended that breaks a man, not a major upheaval as it would seem to be...... thats actually just the tip of the iceberg.

Sometimes its quite an effort to stay positive & ceria right? so much easier to remain grumpy or morose while we wait for life to right itself or somebody to come along and make it better. weell, it'd probably turn out to be a looooooong wait indeed !! over the years (and they are many lol) i've accepted the fact you just gotta make your own sunshine.

I used to merajuk sakan when the hubby forgot anniversaries & stuff (as he's most prone to do) taking it as a measure of his love & devotion (or lack of). then i thought hell, we're still happily married despite the lapses of memory lol so why waste time & energy on being frustrated (penat tau merajuk2 ni, bukan org layan sangat pun kan). now i just ask him what his plans are for the two of us a day before anniversaries or birthdays (just as though there never was the possibility of him ever forgetting in the first place) and it has worked fine *huge grin*

Like what happened yesterday. i was all set to sweat it out but events just seemed to conspire against me.... i just couldnt slot in any running !!!! see, i usually fast mondays & thursdays so i rest on mondays, do some threadmill work on tuesdays and thursdays, while wednesdays & the weekends i reserve for runs at the tasik. i had my 'sweat bag' all packed (towels, tops, bottoms, shoes, water, etc) and while i was patiently waiting for the 'lagu punch card' to signal the end of another working day, word came in that my son, who was on a school trip to Pusat Atom Negara and expected to arrive at 3 pm, was delayed and would be arriving at 5.30 pm instead. okaaay..... since i was supposed to pick him up, that meant i could forget about the gym coz all the threadmills were usually taken by then. fine, i'm a flexi person, theres always the tasik to fall back to. in comes another sms from said son.... the school buses (2 full loads) were trapped in a terrible jam and they'd probably only reach shah alam by 6 pm. hmmm.... i'd still have an hour before azan maghrib or so i thought lol but by the time the buses arrived, i was just too pooped by all that waiting to consider anything even mildly exacting as getting out of the car (all that sitting had made my poor butt kinda sore lol).

Ok, so i put yesterday behind me and woke up this morning all hyped up and raring to go.... after i drop the kiddo off to school i was going to have a quick run round the tasik before i faced the piles of paperwork. yeah right !!!!! i didnt realise until a little later that it was going to be one of those days !!!!! i rushed him off to school, realised i didnt have my office pass with me, turned back home with wheels a squealing (sorta lol) and taaa daa... the hubby's still home, standing by his car looking awesomely disgruntled !! it was then that i knew i might just as well kiss my run goodbye.

It turn out, in his hurry to get the auto gates open while reversing (probably had an early morning appointment or something), he'd somehow managed to bang the car door against one of the columns at the porch. and being the 'grumpy baby' that he was he just couldnt shake away his anger and frustration for being so careless that easily (even got pretty mad at the column for being there lol). well, what can you do when somebody so obviously needs you ?!! i did what any wife worth her salt would have done (like theres a choice ?!!? hehehe) ..... stayed with my man, postponed my run till later and.... ended up late for work myself. *sigh* the things you do for love !!

Anyway, thats life for you.... we just hang on and try to manage as best we can ;)

Of 'makciks' & 'ikan kembongs'

Arghh.... the nerve of some people !!!!!!

I've never (not that i can remember anyway) reacted negatively or censoriously to the juicy tidbits & gossip that my hubby brings back from his 'wanderings' (work, golf, trips, whatever) so i guess thats why he's pretty comfortable with sharing. oh boy.... all that backstabbing and ass kissing as well as the scheming, the lying and cheating thats going on out there *shudders*. kinda keeps me alert & on my toes coz if it can happen to the others it sure as hell can happen to me too (but must control..... act cool..... cannot show one's worry lah lol).

So.... back to what's pissing me off. my hubby has buggy loads of golf buddies since about all he does is alternate between his office at KLCC & the golf greens (yea, a true blue workaholic & golfaholic). well, you know what happens when all the old farts (shush, dont let him hear me say that lol) get together. other than regalling each other with tales of their oh so fantastic driving & birdies (never the bogies.... oh no, not if they can help it lol), they'll be laughing their heads off with the dirtier than dirty, oft repeated, golf jokes. enjoy habis like kids at a fair lol.

Problem is.... must it be at the expense of others ?!!!! the hubby was telling me (yup, he 'rats' on his buddies but i'm his super duper buddy so i guess that makes it kinda ok lol) most of his friends refer to their wives as the 'makcik'. one who's expected to stay home docilely (ek eleeeh macam takde keje lain dowh!!) and theres also this one guy who calls his wives (yup, he has more than one) my 'ikan kembongs' !! weh.. we wives certainly dont, i repeat, DO NOT at all deserve that !!!!! the makciks wanna have fun too !!!! those guys should actually be arranging something to include the makciks just to keep us occupied & happy.... which in turn would allow them plenty more of trouble free games. or at the very least minimise the occurence of an errant makcik (probably out of spite) suddenly breaking the 'code of silence' by calling during a game/tourny for something as mundane as...... beras dah habis lah yang .... hehehe... or something just as ridiculous.


Hmmph..... tak sedar diorang pun dah pakcik gak & worse, ikan buntal lagi you lol

It's another sunday

Woke up a little groggy and sent golfman off with eyes barely open & trying real hard to stifle a yawn. he's a happy bugger coz he's having another early morning round with his gang. cant grudge him his game though.... way i look at it, he works his butt off for the family and therefore more than earns his fun on the greens (but i wouldnt ever admit it right to his face though lol) !!

After dumping the dirty laundry into my 13 kg washing machine (from there you can guess what this household's average load is), i started having doubts about going for my usual sunday morning run at the tasik...... see, come noon i had this wedding reception to attend and there were still other chores to see to.

But then i decided what the heck, the chores can wait and if i was quick about it, i could still squeeze in a visit to the wet market right after, as well as cook lunch for the kids before i leave (after all, i have had years of training chasing after the 'superwoman' title, like any other working mom).

I sure am glad i did. even though sometimes i do wonder why i bother to huff & puff and sweat like a pig in the bargain, running has given me this sense of satisfaction i cant seem to get from anything else. tired (usually) but oh so alive !!!

Surprisingly, since i started running i seem to be getting a certain amount of 'resistance' from the people around me (oh pah, why are you running? its not good for you lah. walking is better for the knees & joints you know...... or....... what lah you ni, tak payah lari lah, old already !! blah, blah, blah) *sigh* what can i say? there's a certain truth to all that but i find joy and release in it !!! its not like i recklessly jumped into the whole running thing just like that *snaps finger* !!! puh-leeze....... credit me with a little more sense ok. i did do a little background research (hey... its easy with the net.... just google lol !! ) and i took my own sweet time doing it, sorta like baby steps, you know ?!! 1 month of briskwalking, 1 month alternating between jogging & briskwalking, 2-3 months jogging and now its kinda like alternating between jogging & running. its been almost a year now (whoa... time does fly huh !!) and i'm not thinking of stopping. nope, not in the near future anyway.

My greatest worry right now is getting carried away and overdoing things... risk some form of injury and at my age it'll take forever to recover i'm sure. and by then i'd probably slide back to my past level of 'unfitness' (heaven forbid). gotta remind myself i aint no spring chicken no more lmao !!!! i get a rush from reading the runners blogs but thats about it..... cant imagine myself running any races. among other things, golfman would be the first to freak out !!!! what? my wife's gone mad, mad i tell ya heheh !! as it is, there are days when its a breeze completing the 'about 4 km' (i'm just not sure of the exact distance) tasik route and there are days when its a real struggle. i'd probably take years to work up to the 7 k or 10 k distance that the runners are doing or gawd, the 20 k (not bloody likely) !!!!! but i sure can dream cant i lol ;)

Starting fresh....

Time to start blogging again. it's without doubt a great way to unload. in this life of mine, theres so much that must be left unsaid for things to go on as smoothly as is possible. repressed personality? nope... i like to think of it as more of a practical & realistic approach to life. and keeping the harmony between my loved ones intact is priority number one for me. of course what works for me might not work for others and vice versa, so to each their own.

But i need an outlet to keep sane. and a place to put these jumbled thoughts into some semblance of order. it can get pretty erratic at times.. and not to mention the tendency to mix important stuff up lately; like dates & datelines (age catching up? most likely lol)

So.

Looks like you're the answer oh so very new blogey blog of mine.... you are now officially appointed my very own loyal listener.

Hmmm.. just hope you're strong enough to stomach the mumblings & grumblings of this tizzy but even more often, zany makcik lol.