Di ambang 2006

New year is coming in fast and the first thought that crosses my mind is will i see the end of it as i have 2005? if a marriage or relationship can go wrong in a million different ways so can our lives. death is certain and most times it comes without warning. i pray for a long, happy, healthy life.... not only for me but for family and friends. and that includes you too, my fellow bloggers.

I'm in a melancholic mood. tonite will be my last nite with Abe before he leaves for ashgabat tomorrow morning. i cant even begin to describe my feelings as i sit here and wait for him to return from his morning game. its like a dull ache and a slow bruising of the soul. i need to be with him, cant bear the thought of 'losing' him, yet another 'goodbye' is inevitable. such is the sacrifice that one makes in the name of practicality & rationality.

- its only practical that i take care of family & home while he takes care of business

- its only rational that we dont risk the children's health & future by moving to a country whose medical facilities & education is questionable.

But when is the heart ever really practical or rational ? How do i rid myself of this ache, this pain, this loneliness?

Friends have been endlessly teasing me about the sex (or lack of) but although i'm not saying it isnt important bcoz it is (gawd, the gnawing need that sometimes surface at the most inopportune times), its also the other stuff that 'old' married couples enjoy which i miss so much - the snoring that accompanies the snuggling, the bitching that laces the sharing, the grumpiness that follows the giving...... oh i could go on and on. but arising from all that familiarity, is the blessed acceptance of the many imperfections between 2 individuals and that sense of belonging.

I didnt have any roots and had me a wild & restless soul but then he came along and somehow... he grounds me; he's my akar tunjang. they say i'm a strong person but thing is, part of my strength comes from him. and though i carry on as indeed i must, he's taken a part of me with him. i grew up a soldier's daughter and to think i cut myself loose from everything & anything to do with the army just because i didnt want to be an 'isteri yg ditinggal2kan' !!

Am i optimistic of 2006? of course i am because i'm like that but it will certainly be hard managing with only half of me to call my own.


Neeways.... HAPPY NEW YEAR.

Energy zapping

i've almost forgotten how much i hate running in the late afternoon.

gawd, its just too much hard work. trust me, heat and humidity DO NOT go well with age!! after only a couple of metres into the lap and my energy was already depleting drastically. i felt like a sieve with the energy draining outta me in no time at all. by the end of my run, instead of feeling empowered, i was left feeling old and feeble. yuk, i know i'm old but i sure as hell dont have to be reminded of it lol.

all the more reason why i was quite surprised to find out that i was actually doing good time!!!

1 lap= 3.8 km = 25 mins :)

but i cant seem to kick this lethargy.

and the fact that the man will be leaving soon certainly isnt helping at all *HUGE SIGH*

Berpijak dibumi nyata

Woe is me.

It's very unfortunate that i've unintentionally caused 'heartache' to a fellow blogger's wife by sending out an email to him in response to an enquiry made at my blog. dayyum... i should've known better and just kept the comments between blogs. but being a makcik yg dah krepot and feeling ancient enough to be a mom to most of you, i thought nothing of sending out the email. i guess i crossed the line there and have hurt people. for that i am sorry. it was never my intention and its certainly a hard lesson learned.

But being a wife myself, i do know where she's coming from.

The relationship that a husband & wife share is actually very delicate and needs a lot of work on both sides to keep it not only going but going strong. we sometimes forget how fragile it is once the years pile up and start taking things for granted. there're so many things that can get in the way of a happy marriage so much so that if we keep focusing on the negative stuff, life will eventually come to a standstill.

I've been married for 22 years now and yes, it has been wonderful years... years for which i am deeply thankful. my dua is that it will remain this way forever. but coming from a broken family and growing up the way i did, i have no illusions whatsoever about it. i know that all the love, time and energy i've poured into this marriage does not at all guarantee that this happiness will last. without the Lord's blessing it could have turned any which way and even now, after all's been said and done, the only thing holding things harmoniously together is His mercy.

Can i rest on my laurels for the happy years spent together? heck no, because anything can happen. we wont know until we're tested. i worry that my hubby is away from me. and if i let my imagination run amok and think of what he could be doing in that big empty house, thousands of miles away from me & the kids, i get this gut wrenching pain that cuts away my breathing and leaves me incapacitated. and it takes almost all of my strength not to dwell on all the possibilities and to just carry on. after all, if things were destined to happen it could happen right here under my nose. relationships, like everything else, are never entirely within our control.

To me the greatest threat is not the many beautiful 'one of' hostesses or SYT's strutting all over the place. i am wary of the women that a man has to deal with every day; the face that he sees day in, day out and the interactions that he shares. because i believe that beauty is not necessarily the main attraction but its the intimacy or kemesraan that breaks down walls (if there was any to begin with) *huge sigh* its tough being a woman and tougher being a wife. we have to be supportive & understanding but on the other hand, we musnt be push overs. but where's the line that marks the two?

And the longer i'm married the greater is my struggle to find that elusive balance. harmony does not come easy. jangan terlalu curiga tetapi berwaspada. a certain amount of trust must be in place for it to be workable.

Lets pray for the Lord's continuous mercy on all of us.

Telor lady

alhamdulillah the nephew's wedding reception went well, give and take a couple of glitches. my bro in law can surely stand proud that he'd done his utmost in making his new menantu feel welcomed and a significant part of the big abdul rahman (my father in law) clan.

i was put in charge of the bunga telor and i've been seeing so much of it i swear if i got me another boiled egg i'd pulverize it to bits (and make yummy sandwich out of it la of course lol). weh, didnt think it could be so tiring making sure every guest got their bunga telor. i was the 'mandor' and had 6 'daro' at my disposal (quite a substantial number of assistants one might say) and during our last 'drill' i made sure they understood that the good name of their uncle depended on them - nobody was to go home without a bunga telor. heheh, by noon most of them were ready to give up specially during the lunch hour peak. groaning, moaning, sweating... maklum la anak2 manja semuanya, my daughter included lol. akhirnya mak daro ni la yang ended up doing the rounds hik hik. tu yang sampai ambik cuti cemas hari ni :)

the highlight of my day was meeting up with an old friend. F & B came with 5 of their 8 children and of course whenever i get the opportunity to meet up with the semsas gang, the years just seem to slip away and i'm that rowdy teen again (embarassing kan tapi nak buat camane?!). at least i had a most welcomed break from 'mandoring' lol

chewy had a real bad catfight the other day and try as we might we couldnt seem to locate any cuts or wounds (his long fur keeps getting in the way). but he was acting rather strangely right after that - snoozing all the time, refusing to eat and finally walking with a slight limp. we thought he must've terkehel his hindleg or something and it reached a point when i had to resort to force feeding the poor kitty. now that the bersanding's over and i wasnt working, i took him to the vet and what do you know..... he did have a small puncture, albeit deep, at his hindleg and it was developing pus. rupanya according to the vet if the wound is small it doesnt bleed but the spot will swell (thats when we thought it was bengkak disebabkan terkehel) and the pus will dribble out when its good and ready (eww).

so si mamat tu kena antibiotics shot and antiswelling shot on each side of his hindlegs. and we went home armed with iodine, creams, multivits, b complex and antibiotics. whoosh... rasa macam beranak kecik lak hehe.

then, it was AH's turn. ummm ha ah..... mak dia terlampau sibuk dan ralit sampai tak sempat nak beli buku sekolah anak daro dia *turning sebam red.... sebab makciks dont blush but turn sebam instead lol* it was close to 2.30 when we set out for her school bookstore and memang langkah kanan bcoz they were on the verge of closing. bought whatever textbook was available there (the exercise books with the school logo was the 'must have' item) and obtained the rest at tanjong bookstore down the road. again we were lucky because we managed to get everything. didnt they say something in the papers about some textbooks being sold out?! apapun, syukur dah selesai bab tu.

now i can just concentrate on getting together the stuff that Abe wants to bring over to turkmenistan.

Old friends

i'm actually still in shock.

i just had a call from the past. a friend from way back in primary school had suddenly turned up out of the blue. who would have thought that an opportunity to meet up with primary school friends would present itself now that i'm well in my 40's?!! i'm still in close contact with my semsas (secondary school) gang and we meet quite often but primary school!!!!! wow.

a group of them are trying to get the people together for a reunion and i salute their effort. it would be fun catching up on the latest and checking out what each of us have evolved into lol our last memories of one another would be so far back it would be almost impossible to figure out what we'd become.... for sure ada yang kembang, yang kecut, yang tinggi, yang pandak hehehe.

i went ransacking for old pics right after the call and the kids and i went into fits going through my black & white photos of yesteryears. i was tomboyish, flatchested and had a tummy heheh there were also a substantial number of pics showing me active in sports and school shows. hmm i'd forgotten about that part of my life. my friend even reminded me about the tarians we had put up for the school and the shows that we were invited to perform. wow... and to think i had forgotten all about it.

yup its true. old friendships dont die... they just shrivel up like trees in winter just waiting for spring to arrive.

Busy bzz bzz

Its a madhouse at the office with contractors all in a frenzy trying to make payment happen and its rather unfortunate that the red tape gets in the way of that. but the big players... they're not the least bit worried coz they're hardly affected. if you pull hard enough, the puppets will even do a jiggly for ya. i'll not elaborate but suffice to say i sometimes wonder who the big bosses actually work for.

i worked my butt off so that i could take off for a couple of days. the kids were getting a little restless but the main reason for abe being home is because of his seminars & forums. so, that took care of any long holiday plans. i didnt really much care coz it still meant having him home. but 2 nites ago i took leave from work because the kids wanted to spend time lazing about the hotel where he was having one of his forums. heh, it was kinda funny bcoz we were right slap bang in the middle of KL, not PD or Genting or anywere out of town but Le Meredien, KL Sentral lol. and if you were passing thru kl sentral anytime tuesday or wednesday you might have caught me bumming with the kids w/out a care in the world watching the trains/LRT's /monorails or what have u's passing by... macam takde kerja lain heheh.

The pool on the 8th floor was heavenly but AH was too lazy to try it out and i had no reason to be there on my own. the view of the lake garden from across the room was pretty enticing but i myself was too lazy to try it out. in the end, we found ourselves either bumming at the sentral/klcc or just pigging out in the room lol. i've definitely put on 1 solid kg from all this inactivity. and i even had the ultimate wet dream last nite, my body's reminder of what i was missing.... there i was running along the beach (my dreams are mostly of endlessly falling which i hate, or of endlessly running which i love lol) when suddenly i had this sudden energetic rush and was almost flying into the wind!!!!! whoa... best giler... to be that strong!!!!

The last time i went running was on sat & sun. oh and i did incorporate an hour of dancing with paula on sunday nite. and i was pretty surprised to wake up to aching muscles the next morning!! i honestly thought that all that running had made me rather flexible but seems that i've not been using the other muscles that i also had... heheh, uncomfortable laa jugak moving about. well, we learn new things about ourselves everyday dont we!

I'm back at work today just to finish up on some paperwork which i had promised the boss but i'm on leave again tomorrow. AF's going back to college on saturday and probably have tons of last minute things for me to settle so i might as well make myself accessible. theres also the nephew's reception on monday and that would make the weekend a busy one. then theres Abe's stuff to see to since he'll be leaving new year's eve and of course i'll be trying my darnedest best to be spending each precious moment with him.

Hmmmmm looks like i'll be spending more time dreaming about running then running itself lol

Have a good year's end people :)

FINALLY

Thank you good people of MBSA !!!!!

I didnt run yesterday and had the best surprise waiting for me when i went out this morning.

There i was pounding away (a little half hearted somehow... my running depends a lot on my moods) eyes downcast not particularly keen on making any eye contact, when i spied rather 'alien' (as in not being there before) markings on the pavement of the jogging track. it was a 4 digit number in dark blue ink/paint and already my heart started to berbunga sakan. could it be? did they finally decide to mark the distance covered by the track? was i finally going to have my wish granted this fine morning?

In a short while i spotted another number on the pavement.... 1850. YES!!! surely this was no coincidence. the number was definitely connected to the previous one but decreasing in denomination. heh, no problem... i reasoned i was just running in the opposite direction.

As i passed the restoran terapong, the laman budaya, pkns complex and wet world, the numbers i spied kept me in high spirits and i rushed merrily along wondering at the whereabouts of the starting point. then the horror set in. after i left the playground behind me i couldnt seem to locate anymore numbers. oh nooo.... dont tell me they only did it halfway!! worse, what if it was just useless numbers.. the crazy work of people who had nothing better to do? i didnt stop of course bcoz i needed to keep running if i wanted to be in time for work but i started to lose some 'steam'. before long my legs started to feel a little leaden (thats what happens laaa when the hati dah walang) but i quickly put a stop to all that negative thinking. I was sure the markings were there for one reason and one reason only..... to mark the distance for the joggers.

Where else can serious joggers be running in shah alam? the people in power had already taken the shah alam recreational park (that area beside the federal highway that used to house a football field, an awesome jogging track, tennis courts, squash courts, basketball courts, sepaktakraw courts; courts galore) and turned it into the worldwide business centre (oh what a huge loss that was *SIGH*). just like they've turned the old bt3 racing track into a housing area. wouldnt it help lessen the lumba haram tendencies if the mat rempits had a place to let loose? bagi sewa murah2 of course tapi think kebajikan juga laaaa sometimes and not just profits because city folks need places to let their hair down laaa.... kalu jadi sewel, mengamuk sana mengamuk sini, semua jadi susah gak.

Anyways to cut a long story short, i did find the starting point. its just before the small bridge that connects the back of the museum (beside the big concrete chess board that is now used as a skateboard area) to a corner of the state mosque. Ah the blessed numbers.... 3800/0.

Teka teki ku selama ini terjawab kini.

1 lap (or big loop) of the tasik shah alam= 3.8km.

Heh, no more "about 4 km" for me... its officially 3.8 km now and its marked every 50m in most areas. i can work up whatever distance i want from there, yay!!

A happier jogger you wont be meeting today *doing the jiggly* doesnt take much to make me happy eh lol!!

** Running Log **

1 lap= 3.8 km= 25 mins. (baru laaa exact & professional sounding skit heheh)

A slip of the mind

Talk about false alarms!!!!!!! the hubby had himself quite a scare today lol.

We had a late breakfast, more of a brunch. he was at the clinic earlier getting his blood sugar tested and because you needed to fast for that, by 10.30 am he was not just hungry, he was ravenous. he came zooming up to my office in no time and headed straight for his fav restaurant in TTDI Jaya (where else?). again, another full-blown kelantanese breakfast of nasi dage, ike, daging bakar, sambal sotong etc for him (which ended up into quite a heapful believe me.. macam nak gi bendang hehehe). me, i wasnt really into the nasi kelate thing so i had fried mee hoon (but with lots of 'accompaniments' lol).

Realising that i was down to my last twenty (the boyz were planning on a trip downtown so would definitely be 'pau'ing mom), we stopped at the bumi-comm ATM near makro. it was upon my return to the car that he was having this very very serious sounding conversation on the h/phone. i gathered from snatches of the conversation (one sided of course), that it was a call from the bank and that somebody had made him a guarantor for a car loan.

- name of owner didnt ring any bells, the address was unfamiliar whereas all the particulars about the hubby was correct, including copies of his mykad.

- the loan was for a kelisa and according to the bank officer, several payment was due.

problem was ... the hubby's absolutely clueless about all of it.

problem was ... he's probably been 'scammed' if theres such a word.

After a rather intense discussion, the hubby was advised to lodge a police report and armed with whatever info passed on to him, we went about it right away. all along the way to the police station, we both wrecked our brains over the owner's name. wasnt anyone from his side of the family, wasnt anyone from my side either. neither was it any of his friends but a naughty thought occured to me just then.

"Abe, i shouldnt be going with you you know," i said.

Surprised, he retorted, "why ever not?" (of course laa, should stand behind ur man in times of need, that sorta thing).

"For all u know kan, the police might be thinking ur just pretending laa. doing a report in front of the wife, probably ur mistress or something. u know laa those people at the balai see all kinds of funny stuff every day", said i hiding a smile (i love to tease the poor bugger hehe... tapi could be true pun for all i know). "Better i dont go laa, baru 100% authentic".

"Eh, mana pulak, pegi jer" but i could see he was starting to look rather thoughtful heh.

So we went through the whole reporting thing without a hitch and the police was very friendly and helpful. they even provided us with a printout of the latest info on the said owner. that was when the 'trouble' started lol.

"Oh, ada no IC baru kat sini", said the observant hubby. the one given by the bank was of the old 7 digit format.

"Ada alamat terbaru sekali................ EH!!!"

I was seating nearby on one of the distinctively uncomfortable chairs usually provided at these public places, thinking about the work i should be settling at the office. But that "Eh" got through to me... that particular tone could only mean one thing... something was not quite right.

I got up to peek at the printout.

"Alamat dia kat seksyen 19 laa sekarang," and there was this little furrow on his forehead. closer to home, and that somehow meant the odds that we knew the lady was increasing somewhat.

Still, no bells were ringing for either of us and after agreeing on the contents of the report, he paid up the RM 2.00 (cheap huh!!). i had a call by that time and was already out of the balai by the time he made his way to me.

And this rather embarrassed grin was starting to break up on his face !!!!

"Huh, i think i've finally figured out who's the owner", said the hubby as we got into the car.

"Laaa bang sape pulak? Kan dah report bagai?", i was quite surprised. didnt we deliberate long and hard enough?

As we pulled out of the station, the hubby was already calling someone and over the laughter and apologies, i finally gathered that it was 'L' , his officemate. seems that back in 2003 he had agreed to become the guarantor to L's wife and by the time we reached my office, he was already agreeing to scrape off the report.

"Haa... confirm laa my earlier observation abe weh," i said as i got off the car, smirking.

"Sah laa polis tu kata abang ada agenda. beria2 depan bini jer, pas tu bini takde gi cancel plak," tergelak tenguk his reaction... berkerut2 muka cek abe tu. serba salah pun ada, indignant pun ada.

"Eh, kalau camtu you ikut sekali laa," the poor guy was starting to look a little green around the edges (tu probably just my imagination laa lol).

"Alaa... abang kan macho man, peduli apa laaa diorang kata kan. lagipun pah dah lama laa takde kat ofis tu" i was hiding a snicker. the thought probably never even crossed the policemen's mind tadi tapi seronok gak mengenakan mr cool ni sekali sekala hehe.

"Hah, ok laa... i pegi dulu lah," wah, after the turn of a second, dapat semangat baru lak hang tuah nih lol.

With that we parted ways dan berakhirlah sudah "episod mengarut" pagi rabu. its good that we had the whole sorry mess sorted out in the end. and at least now i know for sure, i'm not the only one struggling with the 'memory senja' syndrome heheh.

Visiting ruskies

Abe got word that he was to meet up with the russian delegation and left home a little flustered this morning. still, flustered or not theres something about a man in a 3 piece that just gets to me (oh and tight jeans too for that matter) heheh.

Ur da man abe, go kick 'em butts !!!

Today i'm finally feeling back in the groove again.... fitness wise that is. since ramadhan, my workouts have been extremely sporadic and very unsatisfying. i was never one to lose any weight during the fasting month. late nite eating wrecks havoc with my metabolism and given my lusty appetite (everythings yummy yummy), the inconsistent exercising meant only one thing.... input greater than output. and we all know what that means (not to mention the lethargy) !!!

A lot of changes was also happening in my life all all along ramadhan and syawal, topmost on the list being Abe's move to turkmenistan. but i've gradually gotten back my equilibrium and its good to be feeling on top of things again. ermm, and lets just forget about the young russian assistant for now shall we?!!

Deep breaths now woman ;)

** Running Log **

gawd, i had me the best run in months this morning. i stuck to the new stride (though i had to push myself quite a bit) and managed to shear a couple of minutes off my usual 30 - 25 mins per lap.. yay!!! feeling strong though its probably just an illusion heheh neeways, i think the treadmill session helped.

1 lap= about 4 km= 20 mins + (was wearing a dress watch... no minute markings to be sure)

The usual

Its a public holiday in selangor and according to Abe its also a public hol in turkmenistan.

Another boring day in suburbia.

It feels like i've gone thru a lifetime of escalating prices.

Back in my hazy (as in dont quite remember) & lazy (was just a kid at kindy going age) days in si rusa army camp, PD, a drumstick ice cream cone used to cost just 50 cents. it was a luxury back then and i used to gobble lots of those as we strolled the beaches, me and my granny, beach bums that we were. the army quarters that we lived in was within walking distance of the beach and she loved fishing by the rocks.... all we had to do was cross the coastal road, which was nowhere as busy or dangerous as it is now.

Now lets fast forward to a nearer time zone. a couple of years back, a cart load of grocery (of basic household needs) at tops or giant used to be around RM 200 max, add on a couple of years and the same stuff cost about RM 300, and before you know it, its now double the original. The hubs and i do our monthly grocery at Giant Besar as we call it, the outlet at seksyen 13 (or is it 12) shah alam. we shop not just for our household but for my MIL as well so its quite normal for us to be pushing a cart each. its only been a couple of months back that we were coughing up around RM 700 (plus minus the odd buck or two) for the whole lot. today, we paid up RM 850 for the usual basic things. isnt it incredible that theres an increase already? and it hasnt even been a year!! i cant imagine what its going to be like for the kiddos.

Abe left for golf after lunch and since the weather looked like it was going to turn wicked by late afternoon, i decided to have a earlier than usual workout. its been awhile since i pounded the treadmill and it would help a lot in making sure i kept my strides consistent. i'm not too keen about the gym at KSAS because theres only 1 functioning treadmill there (and its usually occupied) and its a bloody waste of time to wait for my turn. lucky for me there wasnt anyone using it when i got there and i got to hog it for 40 mins muahahahaha !!! Feeling good :)

It agrieves me that none of the kiddoes show any interest in keeping fit beyond the frenetic use of their fingers. sigh, AF's heart would surely appreciate the loss of some kilos and AI's muscles would look pretty good all toned up. tapi mana boleh paksa2 !!! *double sigh*

** Running Log **

Time: 40 mins
Distance: 4.7 km
Speed: 7 - 8 km/hr
Incline: mostly 1
Cal burned: 340 kj

Lupa oh lupa

I think i'll be needing that reading glasses soon.

Worse case is when i'm at the clinic and i have to fill in my ING particulars on the forms. then its reading the labels at the pharmacies & supermarts. squinting doesnt help anymore lol. wouldnt mind those funky looking plastic frames though.

Another sign of age is losing the confidence of being sure about anything. many a time i've found myself caught in a situation totally different from what i had first envision. e.g. very sure of myself i'd abdamently be saying "ish i dah kunci laa kereta tu" and later finding out i hadnt. i did lock the car up for the nite but that was the nite before. repetitive things become a blur and superimposed onto each other. problem is, it feels so right when its all so wrong lol langsung tak bole percaye !!!

So, i just have to be more careful.

Like this morning, i had to cut my run short because i suddenly wasnt sure whether i had wound up the front windows or not. i told myself i did because it would be the automatic thing i'd do but the uncertainty kept nagging at me and i couldnt go on. *sigh* sure enough the windows were all up and the car nicely locked. but then i'm always plagued with the 'what ifs' now. but what to do... comes with the territory i guess.

** Running Log **

1 lap plus= about 6 km= 40 mins (kept to the new stride & pace during the 1st 4 km)

Narnia

Last nite the kiddos somehow managed to uproot their daddy from his fav spot in front of the telly and we all went trooping to Bukit Raja's TGV for the midnite show. the movie - The chronicles of Narnia of course. the man must have been either in a good mood or feeling guilty over something bcoz not only did he agree to the plan but also consented to sitting at the 3rd row from the front!!!!! he who would only watch movies at a comfortable position way back at the end of the theatre and right in the middle no less. hmmmmm.

The movie was ok i guess but typical disney.... and rather fairy tale'ish. nothing at all like LOTR or any of the hobbit tales. probably very unfair of me to expect otherwise but i did think there would be some similarities. instead i'm strongly reminded of the snow queen. ah well, at least AH enjoyed it (but she confessed it was largely because of edmund's bad boy persona).

Decided to forgo my run and slept in instead. after all Abe didnt have any game lined up and it was one of those rare mornings i get to enjoy a good snuggle. must remind myself to start on some strength training.... simple light weights to tone up ye olde muscles a bit. i need toning.

Attended a wedding reception at a neighbour's and was supposed to attend a doa selamat right after. one of Abe's friends was leaving for haj with his wife and it would have been your regular run of the mill kenduri..... except that the guy had earlier lied to his wife and all the golf cronies were supposed to be keeping mum about it. sheesh. seems that he was supposed to be playing golf the whole morning when in actual fact he was spending time with his 2nd wife (something the 1st one knew nothing about apparently). and because Abe didnt want me yakking my mouth off with the other wives and prolly let slip something (huh as if i would), he went alone.

I want my hubby to keep sharing with me these little secrets. that is the main reason why i dont meddle and poke my nose where i'm not supposed to. after all they are his friends and i dare not upset that guy-pact thing. i just hope Abe would be jantan enough to let me know when he suddenly decides one is not enough (pls god never i hope). i think for most women however painful the truth may be, its preferable to the lying. now that is the absolute in betrayal.

While i was waiting for him to return, Abe's younger bro called and wanted to know if we were up to a karaoke session after dinner. Of course we were game and the KSAS karaoke lounge was suitable for families... as long as the members were over 12. but the kiddos hate karaoke preferring to play their own music (yup i tend to agree that singing to live music is much more satisfying) so they ended up playing pool (or was it snooker) instead. hehe, the crowd in shah alam were mostly jam packed around the stadium for tv3's sureheboh carnival and there we were in our very own sureheboh lol.

it was fun letting our hair down like that. me, it didnt really matter, i just wanted to be with Abe.

Experiment

I love drizzly mornings. Not the type thats gloomy & squelchy but the ones where the rain is so fine that you dont really get wet from it. instead, you get that cool spring effect thats so invigorating especially when you're out running. Made this morning's run pretty enjoyable for me.

I'm always experimenting with my strides, pacing and breathing because running alone can get to be a little boring. i've been meaning to get myself an mp3 of sorts but until now i'm still just doing the zikir while i run lol (too many options and bcoz i dont wanna make the wrong choice, i delay making decisions). so, while i was trying out stuff i think i've discovered another pace thats comfortable for me.

My usual run consist mainly of a consistent short stride at an easy pace, one thats easy on my breathing - a very economical movement that allows me to get going for long periods of time. i usually slot in bursts of long strides at a quicker pace just to jolt the old ticker a little bit. i cant sustain the pace for long but i love the feeling of my legs strectching out to take in the longer stride.

I found out this morning that if i swung my arms out just so, and i stretched my legs out that much further, and took in a deeper breath, the movement automatically synchronized itself into a better, harder stride and pace. i tried my best to hold on to the movement, afraid that i might lose it before my body could adjust to the rhythm. and sure enough, before long i'd changed over to the new pace and it felt really goooooood.

Next couple of weeks will probably see me trying to incorporate more of that pace into my run. penat tapi i'm optimistic its feasible. my weakness is in my breathing.... any signs of semput will make me slow down automatically so i have to push myself sloooooowly. but i like the feeling that longer stride is giving me. its almost pleasurable to feel the muscles stretch.

Abe's seminar at PERMATA seem to be heating up alright lol. came back rather late last nite due to tasks and assignments. the man's been eating a lot since he came back.... missing home cooked fare no doubt since turkmen food sucks according to him (and he aint that good a cook either). i'm sure he's looking forward to the weekend ... probably already have golf marathons lined up.... another thing that he misses when hes stuck in ashgabat. but the kids have also made their own plans for him lol. we'll see what happens.


** Running Log **

1 lap= about 4 km= about 30 mins.

minimal warm up & cool down because work awaits ;)

A serious matter

The institution of marriage carries with it enormous responsibilities. one of it is to safeguard the secrets of all that goes on behind closed doors. one only confides when absolutely necessary. i guess that was what happened to my manja anak sedara when he decided to confide in me, rendering me quite speechless for a second at his daring (waa, feeling a little like barbara streisand in meet the parents 2 plak). one week into marriage and problems already maa?!!

*sigh* young men have got to realize how lucky they actually are in getting naive & innocent wives at this time and age. its like getting a clean slate and you colour it any which way you choose... custom made gitu. now, wanting them to be 'pros' in bed could actually backfire... after a while, you might start to wonder if all that know hoo is actually just from reading (you know how the imagination can run wild sometimes, sangka yg buruk2, tu tak kena ni tak kena). and of course this would bring a fresh set of worries pulak.

So, go slow and be patient laa. this is the time for exploration & discovery. tu laa aunty cakap jgn tenguk banyak sangat porn, kan expectation dah jadi giler2. sheeesh.

Ok, back on the home front things are pretty much laid back. the 3 kiddos have been holing in the boyz room for quite some time now - curtains drawn 24/7, aircon full blast, all focussed on something electronic or other. its games, anime, movie galore... time makan baru nampak batang hidung. AF's fast becoming a guni beras, AI's pale as a vampire and AH's all selekeh like. hish, bergaduh sakan baru nak mandi!!!! such is the state of affairs during the long december break.

I'm noticing a new trend. AF and AI has become really tight budddies.... alhamdulillah. used to be AF would be bullying his younger bro and would never take him seriously, not even for a minute. but now both the guyz are ganging up on AH and rough horsing her quite a bit, especially AF. after a one to one, the guyz confessed that their sis has grown up too fast and they find the fact that she's now girlfriend material to their friends quite disturbing!! lmao.... my poor boyz. they cant accept the fact that she's wearing make-up (actually just kohl around the eyes but what do brothers know anyway lol), that she's grown boobs and can look quite sexy, and that she talks & acts all feminine in front of other guyz. hey, thats what happens when adik turns dara la dudes lol.

AH in her defense says.... she always checks with ma about her dressing so they shouldnt be complaining (yup she does and its cool) and there are 2 choices when it comes to her behaviour with guyz - either she turns all feminine or she gets all gediq. of course the bros almost fainted at the mention of 'gediq'. seems that gediq gals are an absolute 'no' in their book.

lol budak2 nih macam2.


** Running Log **

Squeezed in a short run before work: 1 lap= about 4 km= 28 mins.

Return to the roost

HE'S Back !!!!!!!!

...... safe and sound and most importantly, all parts seem to be intact & functioning normally heheh.


* HUGE GRIN *

He's off golfing and would probly be away the whole day - payback for all the lost time in turkmenistan. the moment he touched down at KLIA his golf cronies were already waiting to pounce on his more then willing back. today its 36 holes, 2 games back to back. hmmph, tenguk laa balik nanti mesti sakit pinggang... kat green hero habis lol.

i celebrated the return of the rooster by rewarding myself with a 2 lap tasik run this morning.... heheh 8 km..... penat giler siot !!!!!!! but ever soooo satisfying and empowering :)


** Running Log **

2 laps= about 8 km= 55 mins

3 Day project

Weh... lelah. projek segera tak macam mee segera rupanya. So i did complete it in time for the hubs return (skit2 loose end here and there tak kira laa).

It all started with the lavender bedsheets so, my initial colour board looked like this:


Went curtain hunting and ended up with this:
Never realised purple was a hard colour to come by when its for curtains. I was hoping for ready made curtains initially but no way. even suitable curtain material was hard to come by and i only found what i was looking for after 4 stops. tu pun accidentally.... at one secluded corner of nagoya textiles. and surprisingly after all that searching, lucky me got the shade i wanted at bargain prices hehehe. but *sigh* sewing was not my forte and because mak's sewing machine was out of commission and the one i borrowed from a friend meragam, i ended up jahit tangan !!!!!!! the things one end up doing in moments of desperation... berpinar mata2.

And the result of my 3 day quickie makeover....

heh bolsters are banned from our bedroom (i want the hubby to peluk me not the bolster lol) so i always cut up the bolster cases and turn them into cushion covers instead.

accessories..
existing flowers... out with the blue roses and in with the purple.

the lovely lace outlet at SACC just happened to have lots of purple stuff on sale. ngeh.

Revamp

Heh.. i did it, i did it!!!!! *rubbing hands gleefully, mad grin pasted on face*

That was the most worthwhile lunch break i've had in years. sakit pinggang2 lol. for those of you who frequents jaya jusco, you'd know today's the last day of the so-called privillege shopping for j-card members. i've let my membership lapse for years but lucky me, a kind friend lent me her card along with the privillege invite (w/out which you wouldnt be getting any special discounts).

I'm no shopper (it makes me positively ill sometimes) but it was something i just had to do. how was i ever going to revamp my sad excuse of a bedroom if i didnt go out and buy myself stuff lol. so, since Abe's coming home this saturday what better timing eh?

I've been sick of the blue theme for quite some time now but alas, as usual, i'd given in to procrastination (the story of my life). Since its the season for weddings (cuti sekolah kan) and mags are full of nothing else i've allowed my head to be filled with rather grandiose ideas hehe..... ruffles, laces, ribbons... ahhhh the whole feminine thang (which i usually am not but hell, maybe its time i grooved to the sugar n spice and everything nice tune for a change lol). i was thinking soft lilac with splashes of deep rich purple here and there. hmmmm... maybe, maybe.

And when i walked into the bedlinen/soft furnishing dept, i promptly fell in love with the most beautiful set of bedsheets there (just my opinion laa). its lavender with just the right amount of frills and laces... exactly what i had in mind!! it wasnt really within my budget but then again, i thought what the heck... live dangerously woman, s-p-e-n-d lol. funny thing though, the salesperson thought i wanted it for a wedding (apparently ramai yg beli for that purpose), probly untuk anak or something but i told him, bukan tapi untuk pengantin tua hehehehe.

So these few nites, i guess i'll be rather occupied fixing the room up.

p.s. Oh lahleeeng ah... 3 days to go :)

Runs in the family?

Today AI is facing his worse nightmare - the dreaded chemistry paper!!!! cant really blame the guy. like him, i couldnt make much sense of it either lol. tapi bila dah science student, kenalah buat gak kan... and ma's duas are always with you kiddo.

By the end of the day AF would've completed his puasa 6 and i guess from now till friday (AI's last paper) i'll be fasting alone. we'll probly be 'celebrating' his preserverance at KSAS tonite, also an excuse for moi not to cook lol. the clubhouse is getting more run down by the minute but the foods still ok. something has to be done to save the place but i dont think the state govt's in any position to be saving anyone/anything right now. AH's cousin lina has been sleeping over for the past 2 nites which means i've been having 2 giggly teenagers as my teman tidur. i remember those days when i too had lots and lots to giggle about lol. the major topic being boyz - of course..... seems that AH's crush is now somewhere in trengganu but will be back by friday because he n his mates have a date with a haunted house!!! bebudak sekarang macam2... ada hati gak nak jadi ghostbusters lol.

The office is almost empty by now. most have gone to our pengarah's open house. a little late in syawal perhaps but he just got back from a trip to the US of A. when it comes to travelling, i dont think any of the other pengarahs can beat him. To each their own. Me, i'm in a rather murky mood... had to abort my run this morning. Couldnt find what i was looking for (one of Abe's account no.) and left the house later than usual. doesnt take much to skew an already very tight schedule.

Thus the glums.

Ah well.

p.s. Abe weh, 4 days and counting !!!!!!!!

... I hope you're doing fine out there without me
'Cause I'm not doing so good without you
The things I thought you'd never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood
So how could I have been so blind for all these years
Guess I only see the truth through all this fear
Living without you

And everything I have in this world
And all that i'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

I can't take another day without you '
Cause, baby, I could never make it on my own
I've been waiting so long just to hold you
And to be back in your arms where I belong
I'm sorry I can't always find the words to say
Everything I've ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

And everything I have in this world
All that i'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

As the days roll on I see
Time is standing still for me
And you're not here
I'm sorry I can't always find the words to say
Everything I've ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love.. x2

And everything I have in this world
And all that i'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

Here By Me - 3 doors down

'TER'sibuk

Weh !!!! its been awhile since i last blogged. theres been a lot of 'going ons' lately and to top that, once all 3 kids are home, my time at the pc is almost NIL. if its not one its the other lol and i'm guessing if the puter could scream we would all be deaf by now.

ok then... Highlights:

Friday 18/11/05 - Took a day's leave just so AI the Potter fanatic (who's also sitting for his spm) could watch the goblet of fire and get it out of his system.

Tuesday 22/11/05 - Took another day's leave to chaperone cik AH on her 1st group date at mid valley.... a huge group actually but there was only one person that mattered of course lol. Some of them went by the commuter, some by car and i ended up carting 2 of her girlfriends. Of course i made myself scarce once we got there (tapi ada laa intai skit2 heheh). whoa... it was a looooong day and my butt almost turned to stone by the end of it. i window shopped, ate, window shopped summore, read and even watched a movie - cello - the most boring scary movie i have ever had the misfortune to watch. it's korean and i thought mesti scary giler bcoz the asians have a way with the supernatural tapi BORING. but AH sure had a good time, i think ;)

Friday 25/11/05 - On leave from work again. This time for a big 'do'. Joe, the hubby's elder bro, was getting a brand new first 'menantu' heheh. It was the day that his eldest son got hitched.... and everything was settled after asar. A simple bernikah ceremony at the state mosque and tadaaaaaaa - a married man already lol. all the best reez dan semoga bahagia dunia akhirat.

Saturday 26/11/05 - The Bersanding ceremony at the bride's. Reez memang pandai cari isteri... the entourage just had to travel less than 10 mins because they both live in seksyen 8 lol. alhamdulillah everything went pretty smoothly, considering; lets not dwell upon the hiccups.

Sunday 27/11/05
- Had the chores taken care in record time and was lazing about relaxing with the kids (AF had decided on fasting) when we received word of mak long kiah's demise... al-fatihah. 'twas stroke, heart attack or something related. and though we wanted to go back to manjung, mak's still feeling under the weather and AI still has his spm papers. so i guess we'll just have to rely on mak ngah & pak ngah to sort things out over at the other end.
- Today is also moving day for Abe. seems that he'd managed to come up with a pretty decent deal: a 3 bedroom house complete with maid, gardener, security and check this out.... a car as well as driver!!! wow, never heard of a house rental that comes with its own car & driver before lol. things must be pretty peachy (or desperate, depending on which way you want to look at it) down in turkmenistan. fed up with the lousy food, Abe lost no time in getting some bachelors over to cook him mackerels (straight from the can i bet lol) ... his favourite!! yeah, he's a no fuss hubby *wink* but if anyone's starting to feel a smite sorry for the guy, just dont ok, bcoz the food may be lousy but dining out also means having belly dancers for entertainment!! sheesh... why is it that guyz always have all the fun ?!?!!

Abe if you're reading this, i'll post the pics soon ok - i'm off for a joint valuation in a while and i dont wanna be late :)

** Running Log **

Not running as much as i want to *sigh*

Sat & Sun - short evening runs around the tasik about 2 km just before maghrib. hmmm, asalkan buat. So today i made sure i woke up all geared up and ready to go.... and after the run, barely made it to the office with only 2 mins to spare. Pheww.

The usual - 1 lap: about 4 km: 30 mins bare minimum (cooling down not possible).

Pancit

Heh.

I've been fasting and running since monday and today's testament to the fact that i'm probably overdoing things a bit here. gawd pancit giler !!!!!!! i still managed to complete the full route within 30 mins tapi penat giler siot.

Sweating rivulets have never made me thirsty so i dont have any problems related to thirst. more like delipated body and depleted energy. hmmm... i guess i should give it a skip tomorrow and spend some aerobic time with katie smith or cindy crawford, or emulate paula abdul's dance moves instead.

But running serves a dual purpose for me. it's empowering and energising.. i used to be pretty lethargic most of the time. it ensures i get a good nites sleep (terpukang is more like it lol).. i used to have insomniacal tendencies and usually still up and about till the wee hours.

I'm facing old age and need my beauty sleep ;)

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** Running Log **

I drop AI off, run and punch in for work.

Mon - 1 lap= about 4 km= 25 mins ( i was feeling light on my feet).

Tues - 1 lap plus= about 4 km plus= 35 mins

Wed - 1 lap= about 4 km= 30 mins (but extremely hard going).

Stop whizzing will ya!

Everything around me is moving a little too fast to my liking right now.

I need to get my equilibrium back and fast.

I've been stuffing my face takde kesian punye - sumbat till i puke. and the only thing that can trigger this awful bout of bingeing is unresolved worry/trouble/anxiety. even though i've long buried my dark bullimic past, this is getting a little too close for comfort.

*deep calming breaths* come on you can do it.... face the serabut head on.

So Abe's away - but life goes on woman. even if you always get a little 'weng' or out of sync when he's not around for long periods of time, deal with it.

AI's spm - even though the old ticker skips a beat everytime you think about it, if he says its ok then its ok. insyallah, have faith and just carry on with the fasting and the solat sunnats.

Mak - she's always been the boss of her so even if she's not well and complaining of headaches, body aches etc, you'll never get her to see the doctor until she's ready. worry is useless... no means NO and forcing has NEVER worked.

SIL - even if she did have a mild stroke on monday, she's out of the woods now and has all her children looking after her. stop feeling bad about not visiting her, you'll see her when you can.

MIL - of course she's affected by all that has happened. the SIL's been living with her since she was widowed 2 years ago. and she also misses her son and worries about him no matter what you say. just keep dropping by daily to check on her and spend the nite when all is settled with mak and AI. she has others with less on their hands so let go of the guilt!!

Work - whatdaya expect? its year's end. buat ape yang termampu, do what you have to do.

To unserabut the serabut.

Hmmmmm.

You are not atlas and nobody expects you to hold up the world.

OK.

Latest pics of the furry ones

A follow up of the chewie & nico story.... their latest pics.

Chewbaca OGB (Opah's Golden Boy)... fat & lovable but definitely a scaredy cat. mak's favourite.

Nicholei OBB (One Ball Bandit)... playful, naughty, extremely manja, hunter of roaches & lizards.

... and you can guess who's favourite lol. since daddy's been away, they've been inseparable.

(Intermission: in between preparing lunch for my coz n family. its still raya)

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** Running Log **

Sadly, i couldnt squeeze in any running time this morning but just a short one before maghrib. i dont think i even hit the 2 km mark before the azan sounded but better than nothing i say.

yesterday, i logged in the usual 4 km :)

Older women

I think its heightened awareness or something. i read about it somewhere but i cant remember the details (typical me). its like you're in a packed stadium. you close your eyes and think of nothing but yellow shirts. once you open your eyes again, you'll find yourself suddenly surrounded by people in yellow shirts.... something you hadnt even noticed before.

Same thing when i found out that AF was suffering from hole in the heart or vsd. i wasnt even aware of the condition prior to it but suddenly i found myself literally bumping into so many other people with the same problem. Or the day you start driving a certain car.... suddenly the road seem to be flooded with the same model & colour lol. And other similar stuff.

Right now? Its about older women. i'm noticing the younger men around me are falling for older women. 2 nephews, a cousin plus 1 officemate. the thing is, they seem to be getting a lot of flak about it especially from their parents. i dunno... personally i dont think theres anything wrong with it so long as both parties are serious and equally aware of what they're getting into. i agree it does have the potential of being extremely challenging but what relationship doesnt? and we cant deny the fact that our beloved prophet did have a most rewarding and cherished union with khadijah.

I enjoy a good rapport with the younger people in our large extended family especially on the hubby's side but somehow that makes the older folks a little wary of me. *sigh* puhleeze, its not a popularity contest and i'm not out to score points.... i just empathize more with the kids, thats all. they're people too, with hopes & feelings and would love to be respected that little bit more.

A nephew thats very close to me is going thru a very hard time. he's trying to get over a terrible road accident... one that he had with his girlfriend, a girl his mom isnt too keen on to put it mildly. i dont know why (and he confesses he doesnt know either lol) but he's always been attracted to older girls and because his mom hates it, he goes about it secretly. its sad that he has to resort to slinking around and i have adviced him to either stop or have it out with his mom. apparently he has done neither and the accident brought everything out in the open. they both suffered serious injuries and involve a certain disfigurement to the girl's face.

The poor lad's been discouraged to see the girl and his mom is using everything she's got to break them up. i honestly dont think he was all that serious about the relationship to begin with, but the accident kinda changed things. i mean sharing a near death experience would naturally create some sort of special bond, a closeness. and i'm sure there's quite a measure of guilt thrown in regardless of whether its warranted or not. he has to be given the chance to face his feelings, examine it and hopefully make the right decisions as to where the relationship is headed. i've cautioned him that basing a relationship on guilt and sympathy alone was going to be disastrous. there has to be love. i still think denying him that certain freedom is only pushing him into a tight corner and isnt helping him one bit.

Now that he's up and about, he admits that they're seeing each other again but still without his mom's knowledge nor consent. again, i've adviced him to come clean but this time he says, he has his dad on his side so he's not too worried. *sigh* i still dont like it (i would be soo hurt if kept in the dark that way) and i personally think he's sitting on a time bomb. but i guess they know what they're doing and i can only pray that it would turn out well for all parties concerned.

People have been saying its easy for me to be open minded since its not my kid thats involved. i've spent some time really really thinking about it. yes i admit, if the boyz were dating an older girl i sure as hell would caution them to be very sure. such a relationship would have its own peculiarities and challenges and they'd have to be ascertive enough as a man to make it work. its ok if its just a couple of years separating them. i dont want to offend anyone but if the gap in years is too big, in the long run the men could be facing problems in the sexual aspect. they should anticipate the effects of their partner's menopause and be willing to make certain sacrifices. i know this for a fact because a close friend has made me his confidant in such matters and i can assure you that right now, the problems he's facing is pretty real. if one is contemplating marriage, there is much to consider. but i also feel that an older woman could be more understanding and supportive due to her experience & maturity and if that is what a man is seeking in a relationship, so be it.

And i still stand by the fact that, especially in the matters of the heart, we can only give our advice and opinion, the pros & the cons. because in the end, its all up to the person in question to determine their own happiness. and as parents, after absolving our responsibility in dispensing what we think is the right advice, we should stand by the children. it may be the right choice or it may not, but who's to know what the future holds? so, tak payah la pening2 sangat.... berusaha & berdoa and leave the rest in the all knowing hands of the AlMighty.

We made time for solat jemaah at the surau tonite. i've decided without Abe, the malam jumaat's would be spent with the rest of the jemaah at the surau. It would be something to do for me & the kids, and a break for AI who has been designated the new imam at home for maghrib & isya, a post that AF will be taking over once he's home for term break.

I've also gotten myself a new x-pax pact from celcom. seems that i can receive Abe's sms's via maxis but he hasnt been getting any of mine and the problem would only be resolved if i had a 019 line. so tadaaaaa..... mengalahkan towke babi (hehehe) i'm now going about with 2 h/phones lol

p.s. i sure am missing you hon

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** Running Log **

I was late leaving the house so just managed a short session this morning (otherwise i wouldnt have been able to punch in on time lol).

2 small laps (mosque route)= about 2.5 km= 20 mins

The Story of Chewie & Nico

Life's been that bit more colourful with the addition of the furry ones. More so now that Abe's not around, the kitties are doing more than their fair share of cheering up the kids (and me).

So let me write a little bit about how they happen to be in our lives.

My 3 kids have some form of allergy or other - AF has eczema, AI has asthma and AH sneezes and breaks out in rashes whenever she's in close contact with furry animals namely cats. Being animal lovers (which kid isnt?), they'd always wanted to have some sort of pet to call their own but because of the severity of their conditions, they had to contend with the occasional petting with the neighbour's cats, guinea pigs, mice or whatever.

Everytime they came to me with their pleas, my answer was always "wait till sya is in secondary school or until mama pencen" and even if they were not expecting anything else from me, they were still disappointed.

When AH hit 13 this year, i had no choice but to let them try it out. But my one condition was, if AH kept breaking up in rashes as before, we were to abort the whole thing and wait till i decided to pension off (which would probably defeat the whole purpose bcoz the kiddos would already be off somewhere anyway).

So, the moment the neighbourhood stray had her litter (she mates with the various persians that my neighbours seem to be having) we took our pick of the cutest & most playful. I wanted just one because it was after all going to be an experimental exercise of sorts, but mak said it was better if we took in a pair.... "boleh dia main2 sama" she said. And because i didnt want a female cat (takut beranak tak berenti) we took our time in choosing our 2 kitties.

To the best of our limited ability, we finally chose what looked like 2 male kitties (and of course at 3 months identifying their gender was not an easy thing to do lol). But during the ensuing frenzy of naming the furry ones, we reversed our opinion and agreed that probably one of them was a female after all. After much deliberation (the kids were just short of tearing each other's hair off lol), we finally named the greyish one nico (short for nicholas) and the brownish one megu (short for megumi-chan).

But when we hauled them to the vet (for fleas, kurap and whatever - they were pretty dirty strays), we were told that both were probably male but they were still too small to know for sure. So holding on to the fact that the kitties deserved a proper name at least, again we had another brainstorming session and megu became chewbaca. And much to our delight, as they slowly got used to us, we also noticed that AI's asthma was under control and AH was just sneezing occasionally.

As the kitties grew, we had another reversal of opinion.... chewie's genitals were getting more and more prominent and there was no doubting his gender but nico was starting to look more like a female with each passing day. we couldn't see anything resembling the familiar 'balls/nuts/scrotum' whatever!!!!! So we were faced with the same dilemma yet again, what on earth were we going call 'her' now? In the end we decided to keep it nico but short for nicotina instead (AF was smoking then thus the connection with nicotene).

So we had the gender thing settled once and for all, and when we brought them over to the Jabatan Haiwan's clinic for their shots, we registered them as such. And its been that way for their following visits - chewie's purging episode and the infected boil.

But guess what happended when we went over yesterday for their 2nd flu shot??? hehehe.... turned out nico actually is a male, just like we initially suspected way back when. And how did that come about you might say?

We've all been curious as to why nico's been practising these 'male mating' moves with chewy (vice versa) when he's supposed to be a female and why he's been caught by mak a couple of times peeing upright like a tom cat. was there such a thing as a 'tomboy' female feline, we wondered? The question remain unanswered until one day the kiddos (AI & AH) came to me with the idea that nico could just be '2 alam' i.e. both male & female at the same time. apparently they had found what looked like half a scrotum i.e. just 1 ball (they must've poked and prodded poor old nico to no end lol). so we highlighted the fact to the vet, and he confirmed the fact that nico was definitely a male and did have only 1 ball to his name. a little uncommon but not all that unusual it seems.

So nico is now officially nicholei (we feel its much more macho sounding than plain old nicholas and he does need all the help he can get with just 1 ball) and the proud owners of 2 male cats. We're done with the gender issue and the renaming lol.

Because, no matter what we already love them both to bits :)

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** Running Log **

Its my 1st day at work after a long Raya break, and since i dont have any kiddos to drop off, squeezing in a morning run was easy. But of course i couldnt afford any dilly dallying and it was a straight, no nonsense lap round the tasik.

1 lap= about 4 km= 25 mins (yee haa... a fast one for me).

New sleeping partner

Yes, i have a new one.... a spanking new sleeping partner. Now that Abe is away, an immediate substitute is absolutely necessary otherwise that empty space beside me would haunt me to no end and i might as well forget about having a restful nite ever again.

So, lucky for me AH has most graciously volunteered to help me get through my lonely nights (read: gleefully anticipating romping all over the big bed lol). She's already planning midnite movie marathons, anime sessions, read outs, etcetra, etcetra. It seems she has also invited the cats to share 'our' bed (i can just picture the horror on Abe's face lol). i woke up in the middle of the nite with nico under the comforter and chewy snuggling at my feet !!

I'd probably be having additional 'squatters' as well. The boyz have been known to bunk out on my floor now and then, but now it'd probably be more often than usual with everything that AH is planning.

Ah well, the more the merrier i'd say :)

p.s. I miss you lots you grumpy mumpy man you !!!

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** Running Log **

I've been pretty frustrated about my almost non existent running schedule during ramadhan but i guess things should be getting back to normal soon. I started doing my laps consistently again since monday and that means my regular dose of endorphins :)

Mon 7/11/05 - 1 lap plus= 4 km plus= 40 mins

Tues 8/11/05 - 1 lap= about 4 km= 30 mins

Selamat Menyambut Eidil Fitri

OOhh how i've wanted to log on and wish one and all the best Hari Raya possible.... but so much to do and sooooo little time!!!!!!!!!!!

Neeways Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir & Batin.

Warmest Regards,
Latiffa & Family.

On leave already

Wooooo hoooooooooooo !!! i'm at home already........... bcoz my leave starts today!!!!!!

No tender or contract documents, no payments, no EOT's, CPC's, CMGD's, V.O's, final accounts and what have you's.

I'm a housewife till after raya and man, how i love it :)

Yesterday i saw Goal (whoa.. all them hunks heh) and after my chores were done, it was Janji Joni.... how did nicholas saputra get to be sooo umm chubby? where are the cute locks, huh huh huh??!!??


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Did some running this morning and of course i'm feeling reaaaaallly gooooooooood.

** Running Log **

1 lap= about 4 km= 30 mins

and i joined the tai chi group to cool down... going to do the same tomorrow :)

Another kind of fever

I've been so busy i havent had the time to blog... so you can imagine how clogged up this mind has been with all the pent up raves & rants lol. unloading is the answer to a clear, uncluttered head but i dont have the luxury of having close friends nearby (*wail* nina, ngape u pindah hahhh !! *bansyee pun kalah hik hik*).

friday - they finally delivered the fridge but we were in klcc (me + the 3 kiddos + Abe) en route to berbuka at a friends place. and as usual, whenever theres a public holiday in selangor, kl will be jammed.

saturday - spring cleaned the kitchen & laundry as scheduled and had a small family 'doa selamat' for Abe's trip and AI's SPM.

sunday - mek stayed the nite so we had the pleasure of her company the whole day. its a great feeling to have the surviving 'grannies' together in one place (we're both lost our fathers). its not often that mek would agree to such a thing because of moksu. moksu had suffered from very high fever when she was a toddler and has become a retard of sorts. mek prefers the familiarity of her own home to handle moksu's needs but once in a while she'd make a concession and stay the nite with moksu in tow. otherwise mek is always in a hurry to get back to moksu. i could see the contentment in Abe's face to see his mom & sis at our place even if for that short while.

And.... we're all over that bout of flu thank god :)

But...

I can already feel another one coming.... a totally different type of fever but just as terrible.

Maybe a whole lot more terrible...

Really really terrible..

And horrible.

*sigh* Abe's leaving for turkmenistan by 3rd day of eid.

K.I.S.S.

Yup... i'm Keeping It Short & Sweet lol

Things i did yesterday, apart from the usual 'supir & amah' duties..
- cleared my in-tray, churned out 2 quotations, 2 minutes of meeting, 3 final accounts, 1 v.o. application, 3 interim payments and a few 'tricky' correspondence.
- cancelled a joint monthly valuation.
- attended 1 discussion & 1 briefing.
- picked up kiddo no. 3's contact lenses.
- got mak nasi beriani kambing for berbuka and her fav kuehs.
- rushed home to get me & the kids ready.
- family berbuka with Abe's close golf clique at Saujana
- confirmed and paid deposit for the nasi dage n stuff we're having for saturday's berbuka
- tarawih jemaah at home (late)
- one of the furry one is unwell and purging merata. since he finds it traumatic being caged (i wanted to contain his movements tapi he went into a frenzy langgar2 cage) so i stayed locked up with him in the den along with food & his litter box. morning did seem so far away at that time lol.

Things to do today..
- first thing, a visit to the vet (i'm not going to spend another nite holding the furry one's limp paws)
- the postponed monthly valuation
- check up on the status of my sepatutnya dah deliver fridge!! wtf????
- settle some more payments and final accounts since the district office, as usual is suddenly turning in so many previously backlogged accounts and as usual the qs will be the ones hounded by the main contractors being the last in the chain.
- hopefully a quiet berbuka with the kiddos since Abe's attending another one of those work related functions
- pick up kiddo no. 1 from the jln duta bus terminal (hes back for the weekend)
- probably have a light supper with the kiddos since abang long is back
- hopefully some relaxed time for solat & quranic recitation/readings

Things i didnt get to do..
- run of course :(
- a good pumelling & prodding session with wak mon
- an invigorating half hour in my imaginary jacuzzi out there in a secluded corner of my kangkang kera garden *i can fantasize surely lol*
- enjoy my new fridge

Ooh and a whole lot of other things but i have to go already.

Laterzz.

Oh oh my turn

Started with AF, then AI. AH was next and then mak.

But now it looks like its my turn..... dripping faucet of a nose, raspy tongue, sore throat - generally feeling rather crappy, but not grumpy :)

Abe's doing overtime again (tsk tsk, tak siap2 lagi budget ntah apa ntah) so AI's probably going to get his berbuka request to eat at long john silver (which i'd promised him sejak his birthday tapi lama tertunggak) so we're eating out tonite.

Which settles another 'what to cook for berbuka' headache.

And, going to telan lots and lots of water & vit C for the cold. hopefully, that'll stop it in its tracks *angkat jari 10 berdoa* there's tons to be done and i need my strength & good health God. TQ.

Spring Cleaning

Mak has never gotten along with any of our maids so for the past 12 years we've made do without one. Now what's a working woman to do with the whole household to clean up, especially during ramadhan & with syawal coming?

She does it in phases heheh !!!

Today began Phase 1: which is most of the ground floor i.e. the lounge, family area, the den (aka sarang otakus & couch kentangs aka tv/puter/golf room), day room (mak's lepak place in the daytime) and dining. it took me from sahur to berbuka, but of course with many breaks in between lol. tapi cik pah kita ni mengelat besar hehehe... i skipped washing the main curtains (syhhhh, jgn citer org) and just did all the sheers/day curtains only. so pagi2 unhook, basuh & sidai... by petang, angkat, gosok & hang balik.

Sambil tu i let off all my frustrations onto the floors: vacuum all the nooks and cranies, beat up the poor old carpets, and sental, and mopped the whole place till it was squeeky clean. did all the glass windows, inside out and rearranged the den. while i was at it, i also brazenly threw out Abe's fav but broken recliner (one he keeps insisting he'll repair but never does) and waited with bated breath for the repercussion to my 'berani mati' action. mana tahan, the den is already clogged up with his huge collection of caps & other golf paraphanelia (sp.?).

But suffice to say i'm still alive and kicking hehe. when he came back and saw the place all spruced up... "eh, luas pulak nampak bilik ni ya !"... like duh !!!

AH's having a cold (mak as well) while AI has spm coming so i let the kids off the hook. that meant it was just moi all the way but it's been a good day. 'cept now ada sakit pinggang laa sikit tapi worth it... and the saving grace was, lauk berbuka semua beli jer lol.

Next week, Phase 2: the kitchen & laundry including the cabinets and all the contents *groan*

The following week, Phase 3: the whole of 1st floor.

Now how does nike say it again?

JUST DO IT !!!!!!

A nephew's birthday

Last week was the 1st saturday for my hubby's family 'berbuka beramai2' and it started at his mek's home. today, we broke fast at a younger bros place not only for solat jemaah fardhu & sunat but also because of their son's 15 yr old birthday.

Adeh, perut terlampau kenyang solat pun sluggish.




















Oh my god, would you believe it... i actually dozed off for a minute ther and tertekan jer the 'enter' key lmao. eeee, teruknye !!!!!! nasib baik tak terdelete. tak boleh jadi ahh, nak kena tido :)

Good nite yall time to zzZZzz heheh.

Oh and btw, we finally ordered the fridge and delivery will be in a couple of days (takde stock or something).

And i did go out running even if it was drizzling this morning.... best, sejuk giler :) left the hubby snoozing after subuh with his 2 kiddos and 2 kitties (they all memang melepak beramai2 in our bedroom after sahur lol)

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** Running Log **

1 lap plus= about 4 km plus= 38 minutes

Window shopping

..... among the things i hate doing.

But i had to for without which there wouldnt be a new fridge. so i took a day's leave from work for the sole purpose of meandering about the shops. first stop was seng heng seksyen 9. little did i know i was in for a rude shock... its been closed down !!!!! i couldnt believe my eyes coz it felt like only yesterday i was there looking for a 16 kg capacity washing machine. ahh such is the passage of time.

Anyway, i then made my way to the other smaller electrical shops scattered all around shah alam.. Boeing being one of them. it was already in operation when i came back in '85. there wasnt much in the way of choices so i told the kids why not we mosey on over to jaya jusco bukit raja, klang being just 'across' our 'back yard' (its quite near from seksyen 7) and of course they jumped at the chance especially AI who is also affectionately nicknamed as 'mat mall'.

Alas, didnt have what i was looking for. Abe specifically wanted me to check out samsung's nano tech fridge as well as LG. so penat je yang lebih pusing sana pusing sini tapi habuk pun tak dapat. oh but i did get to spend most of the jusco cash voucher Abe won from one of his golf tourney. Bought the boys a new comforter & bedsheet set for raya :)

But at least i'm quite sure about what the choice is going to be - a samsung 485L capacity model something or other.

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Yay - did some running this morning :) oh and on the way back i almost got myslf a ticket from a policeman for using the h/phone w/out my hands-free...... but you see, i was in such a tizzy coz my boss was the one calling (about some work at the office). lucky thing, after grilling me about the hazards of driving while using the hp and making me seriau giler, the cop let me go with just a reprimand. thank god.

** Running Log **

1 lap= about 4 km= 35 mins.

Fallen from grace

Al Baqarah (2): ayat 34.
“And (remember) when We said to the angels, “prostrate yourself before Adam” and they prostrated except Iblis (Satan), he refused and was proud and was one of the disbelievers.”

I used to have problems with this ayat. Being so brief, it gave the impression that Iblis was somehow connected to the angels and this disturbed me to no end. So, for peace of mind, I went on to collect ayats which were similar in nature hoping to find a satisfactory answer.......

Al-A’raf (7): ayat 11.
"And surely, We created you (Adam) and then gave you shape (that of a human). Then We told the angels, “prostrate yourselves to Adam” and they prostrated themselves, except Iblis (Satan). He refused to be of those who prostrated.

Al-A’raf (7): ayat 12.
"And (Allah) said, “what prevented you from prostrating yourself when I commanded you?” . Iblis said , “I am better than him (Adam). You created me from fire while you created him from clay”.

Al-A’raf (7): ayat 13.
“(Allah)said: “(Oh Iblis) get down from this paradise, it is not for you to be arrogant here. Get out for you are of those humiliated and disgraced.”

[Also along the same lines were Sad(38): ayat 71 to 76].

Then i found it.

Al-Kahf(18): ayat 50.
“And (remember) when We said to the angels, “Prostrate yourself unto Adam” so they prostrated themselves except Iblis (satan) . He was one of the jinn; he disobeyed the command of his Lord. Will you then take him (Iblis) and his offsprings as protectors and helpers rather than Me while they are enemies to you? What an evil is the exchange for the Zalimun.”

- this ayat finally explained that Iblis/Satan are from the jinn and nothing whatsoever to do with the angels. Man from clay, angels from light and jinn from fire... for me, the puzzle finally fit.


And while I’m at it, here are some useful ayats:

Al Baqarah(2) : ayat 74.
“ Then after that your hearts were hardened and became as stones or even worse hardness. And indeed there are stones out of which rivers gush forth, and indeed there are of them (stones) which split asunder so that water flows from them, and indeed there are of them which fall down for fear of Allah. And Allah is not unaware of what you do”.
- An ustadz told me that its a remedy for gall & kidney stones. Recite it often & believe… faith is of utmost importance.

Al Baqarah(2): ayat 128.
“ Our Lord. And make us submissive unto you and of our offspring a nation submissive unto you. And show us our manasik (the ceremonies of pilgrimage) and accept our repentance. Truly you are the one who accepts repentance, the Most Merciful.”
- Doa untuk anak yang taat.

Al-Kahf (18): ayat 10.
“(Remember) when the young men fled for refuge (from their disbelieving folks) to the cave. They said “Oh Lord, bestow on us mercy from Yourself and facilitate for us our affair in the right way!”
- Doa for muslim youths seeking refuge from the madness of the modern world.

Highs & lows

High - heh, i finally got myself a new laptop :) nothing fancy, just something of my own to do with any which way i wanna lol. probably a little bigger than i'd hoped for but then i wasnt about to part with anymore of our RMs than was necessary.

Low - its a nightmare to have your fridge breaking down on you in ramadhan, but thats exactly what happened to me. we've been 'fridge'less since sunday but thank god i also have a small freezer where i keep my weekly meat/chicken/fish supply so its not too bad..... but still :(

We had mr. tung (our regular maintenance man) look it over and as i had suspected (from the weird sounds that was emitted from the bowels of my fridge lol), its the compressor. says replacing it was going to cost us around RM 600. well, my problems would have been solved right then and there if the hubby hadnt come up with the idea of buying a new one instead. he's rationale is, if we were to spend that much money on an old fridge which was liable to break down again anyway, we might as well invest in a brand new one instead.

Adeh... and i've been given the task to look around and report my findings & recommendation to the 'boss' (and he can get pretty fussy when he wants to, that one). problem is i'm finding it tough enough juggling between work, kids, breaking of fast, the nite solats.... let alone go window shopping. but he has adroitly passed the ball back into my court and its now up to me to settle it, be it sooner or later. double adeh.

So up till this moment, i'm still w/out a working fridge.... and the old one is starting to stink to high heaven ... and mak's getting more & more annoyed that the problem still remains unresolved ... and the kids are clamouring for their long cool drinks come berbuka ... and the hubby's still waiting for my feedback ... and i feel like tearing my hair out.

Such is the boring, mundane stuff a working wife/mom/daughter goes through.

I know God is testing my rapuh iman this blessed ramadhan and it could have been worse. insyaallah i'm still keeping it all together lol though barely.

:)

Man, i need my run bad...... but who's got the time !!!!

Fate & Coincidences

Adeh ....

siapa nak sangka,
cempedak menjadi nangka,
pilihan nic 'redkebaya',
rupanya tajuk movie pula.

Who would have guessed that on that warm & balmy night, when i was desperately trying to come up with a relatively asian cyber persona as well as a name for my blog, i'd hit upon something very similar to someone else's idea!!!! if not for Kak Teh, i'd still be clueless lol. thanks KT for drawing it to my attention :)

The RedKebaya (check THIS out)..... who would have thought eh?! hmmm, sedih plak rasanye. like i said, hope there's no copyright or anything coz i love my nic. i have my own reasons for using it and it has absolutely nothing to do with the movie. really, talk about fate & coincidences.

I'm sorta hoping its a prank or something *SIGH*

Ah well, its not something to lose sleep over since i'm already sleep deprived as it is lol. back to the home scene. its 2 days in a row that Abe's been doing overtime and breaking fast somewhere in klcc. i guess theres much to do before he leaves for turkmenistan. but that recent pakistani earthquake leaves me a little worried because ashgabat is located close to an earthquake belt. tapi takkan nak takut pada bayang2 kan? what will be will be so berdoa jer laa untuk yang terbaik dunia & akhirat.

Berbuka 3 beranak tidak lah semeriah selalu (mak always breaks fast separately in the day room so that just leaves me, AI & AH at the table). i'm already thinking of how suram & mendung it'll get if Abe really were to leave for ashgabat on the 3rd raya & AF for sg petani on the 4th!!!!! oh dear, we're going to be such a sorry bunch indeed.

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Sad to report, i havent had the opportunity to run for 2 days now and no other activity apart from the nite solats. i'm dead meat actually because i'm not the type of person to lose any weight during ramadhan, unlike most people who seem to shed kgs upon kgs almost effortlessly. yup, night eating is taboo for me..... theres no 2 ways about it, do it and face the consequences. what to do, terima jer la dgn pasrah lol

But i'm still up & running in my dreams though :)

Oh and btw, guess what was waiting for me when i finally checked my email ?

- the pic my cousin promised me :)
ok, yg tegak macam tiang tu is me lol (never could relax when taking pics), in the middle is my son AI and next to him is my young cousin's hubby. it was also his 1st race, and just so he got her undivided support, she probably left the kids (rather hyper lil boys lol) with her mom !! clever woman heheh.

Sesungguhnya

Sebenarnya hati ini cinta pada Mu
Sebenarnya diri ini rindu pada Mu
Tapi aku tidak mengerti
Mengapa cinta masih tak hadir?
Mengapa rindu belum berbunga
Ku cuba menhulurkan sebuah hadiah kpd Mu
Tapi mungkin kerana isinya tidak sempurna,
Tiada seri..
Ku cuba menyiramnya agar tumbuh & berbunga
Tapi mungkin kerana airnya
Tidak sesegar telaga kauthar.

Sesungguhnya walau ku kutip
Semua permata di dasar lautan
Sesungguhnya walau ku siram
Dengan air hujan dari tujuh langit Mu
Namun cinta takkan hadir
Dan rindu takkan berbunga
Jika tidak mengharapkan rahmat Mu
Dan menagih simpati pd Mu
Ya Allah ..
Tuhan hadiahkan lah kasih Mu kpd ku
Tuhan kurniakan lah rindu ku kpd Mu
Moga ku tahu syukur ku adalah milik Mu.

- Raihan.