Lepakz 2

Since AH's so much better we all celebrated by going out for the movies at 1 utama. buli balik... heh, we were damn lucky to arrive there just when they opened a special counter for the tickets and within 10 minutes were already seated at one of the cinema halls. rezeki budak sakit :)

It was hilarious at some parts.... you know la when the fat guy starts with his antics hehehe, but osso quite thought provoking in its own little way. except that most of us wasnt really expecting the ending. we waited till the very very end because we still thought there was a catch somewhere but nothing..... the fat guy really died at the end of it. probably part 3 opens up with him being resuscitated (spelling?) or something, dunno.

And of course we then spent hours reading, rack-shopping and at last just buying 2 books at MPH. hummph... tak lah besar mana. i expected it to be enormous somehow, the kids were going about it being the biggest outlet la yada yada yada. i still prefer kinokuniya i think. and last stop... the king of burger la where else. yummy, the double mushroom is to die for (ok laaa probably exaggerating a bit laa, not die but pengsan can laa heheh). the boyz had the greek lamb something or other.

A peachy day.


** Running log**

5 mini laps= 5 km= 35 mins

Lepakz 1

** Running Log**

4 mini laps= 4km= 30 mins

Past week mileage= 12.1 km (including treadmill).

Long weekend indeed

I was toying with the idea of going back to the little city in the clouds (hehe... sitiawan actually) since all the kiddos were home n its been quite sometime since we visited my uncs and aunties. unfortunately, AF brought back an unfriendly virus on the sly and though he escaped with just one day of body aches & pains, it was altogether a different matter for AH the poor sweetie.

She developed quite a high fever over the weekend and was coughing away like crazy... you know the gut wrenching kinda cough that pulls at your stomach muscles and make u all tired and miserable? so we said goodbye to our balik kampung plans and just settled for short lepakz session at the malls.

AF's gone off to Gombak somewhere with an avanza full of his friends for the CNY celebration. yours truly is feeling quite 'sangap' bcoz its been a while since i last stayed up looking after feverish kiddos and AH of course, anak bongsu manja that she is, demanded my undivided attention. didnt have the energy or inclination to run so i was a bum and just lazed around, halfheartedly going about my chores (waaah... wahhhh... nak cuti!!!!).

Bought a couple of malay chick lits which turned out to be even mushier than i expected ... ewwww. and ended up snoozin' as much as AH.

Hmmpphh.... bila la vcd long kong (spelling?) nak kuar nih ????? i could do with a little excitement in my life.


p.s. Abe know that you are sorely missed!!!

Meetings

Looks like its going to be another one of those busy busy fridays.

Theres the early morning friday ceramah, staff meeting at 10 am and project meeting at 3 pm. glad i already did my running in the morning bcoz at least now i'm all loose and easy :)

Bring forth the day !!!


**Running Log**

3 mini laps= 3km= 20 mins.

Glitches in the matrix

It was a good day to start with.

Then the calls started coming in. old issues that i thought had long been resolved were actually just swept under the carpet by some parties only to be re'discovered'... and suddenly to be dealt with in the minimum of time, the barest minimum. why always these last minute actions & solutions? sheeeesh..... mengarut betul. reactive management as opposed to proactive management. always cakap tak serupa bikin.

So.... work is work, what else was i expecting anyway?

The thought of working off my steam at the gym kept me going throughout the day. i was going to pound away at the treadmill and do some weights this time. lari jer tak strengthen tak leh gak. but i should have guessed. sometimes there just isnt one glitch, it loves company. of all the days for the maksak guys to take an early hike home..... did it have to be today?!!??! "26/o1/06 - Gym tutup. Maaf" no explanations offered just that short notice pasted on the glass doors!!! the winds were taken completely off my sails... didnt know what to do... the brain just freezed up lol must have looked like a fool terlopong away like that heheh

I just hate hate running outside in the heat of the late afternoon (the fatigue that sets in right after is something i dont really want to deal with) but i didnt really have much choice. going to KSAS was too much of a hassle .. with just the 1 treadmill the possibility of someone already using it was high. so what other option was there cept to run at the tasik again. i wasnt in the mood to try out the suk trail kot kot ada lak monyet yg nunggu jer nak menyerang unsuspecting makcik krepotz like moi. but in the end it wasnt so bad after all laa coz from the onset i told myself to just take it slow n easy.

Back home mak wasnt feeling well and the kitties were still roaming the neighbourhood by maghrib. that meant the doors & windows had to be left wide open for them to return and of course the nyamukz entered the house in droves which made mak freak out all the more and everybody was all stressed up by then. It was close to 8 by the time the wandering kitties decided enough was enough and made their appearance and by 8.30 pm it was time to go get the no. 1 kid at the jln duta bus terminal.

Phew it felt good being out in the cool nite away from the kecohness at home. could it be this same relief hubbies probably get when they momentary 'escape' whatever kecoh issues that might have arisen within the household? you know those sudden 'hey, i nak kuar jumpa kawan jap.. or beli paper.. or ciggies.. or whatever? hmmmm... must take note la not to kecoh2 tak menentu. dont like the idea of 'driving' the beloved away even for short spurts of time.

Anyway, what did i have waiting for me when i got there? ASF's bus was running late and he was still in, where did he say he was? tanjung malim or somewhere when he should already have arrived. sheeesh... lucky thing i brought my book along.

And I thought my day was bad!!!! well it turned out his was even worse... poor kid:

1. someone mistook his bag for hers. lucky thing after going round n round in circles trying to find out who had done such a stupid thing he found her waiting for her pickup at the carpark. she hadnt even realised she took the wrong bag and check this out... it didnt even look anything like AF's bag!!!!
2. the speakers to his hphone suddenly stopped working and he had to use his hands-free kit instead. you know la how hphones have become such a lifeline for the young people.
3. we gave his friend a lift to kl sentral and the fella accidentally dropped AF's backpack which had his laptop in it and tadaaa.. it now has a slightly gaping corner.

Well, the hphone and the puter is after all AF's most prized possessions so its no wonder the guy just went beserk!!!! took a big mac, choc sunday and the likes to sorta calm him down some lol tomorrow will be 'dealing with the electronics gizmo' day i think.

Like they say, when it rains it pours.

But on the bright side, mother earth's all squeaky clean now... so cant really complain much can we?


**Running Log**

4 mini laps= 4km= 30 mins

A minute to reflect

We encounter so many crossroads as we go thru life and again and again i need to remind myself not to lose sight of the 'bigger picture'.....


It is true that God may test a person in this world with certain difficulties and worries. However, the believer does not give in to melancholy and pessimism when he is faced with such anxieties; he does not react emotionally. He knows that God is trying him to see how he will behave in difficulty, and that the solution is not to turn to weeping or sorrowful regret.

The solution lies in seeking help from God, "Who responds to the oppressed when they call on Him and removes their distress" (Qur'an, 27:62), relying only on Him, and in being certain that God will hear his prayers and grant his requests.

This is the promise of God to His servants:
Yes, the friends of God will feel no fear and will know no sorrow: those who believe and have done their duty, there is good news for them in the life of the world and in the hereafter. There is no changing the words of God. That is the great victory! (Qur'an, 10:62-64)

Moreover, God creates such trying moments of anxiety and difficulty for a very special reason. When someone looks with the eyes of faith, and sees the reasons behind all the beauty that God has created, he will be moved to compassion, and his contentment will increase. Therefore, submission to God brings a sense of calm to the spirit, and allows one to live with peace of mind.

Emotionalism, on the other hand, completely alienates people from the awareness of being in God's hands, and leads them to react to situations with excessive pleasure, or exaggerated pain and sorrow. God explains in the Qu'ran the wavering of such people between hopelessness and arrogance, and the difference between them and believers:

If We let man taste mercy from Us, and then take it away from him, he is despairing, ungrateful; but if We let him taste blessings after hardship has afflicted him, he says, "My troubles have gone away," and he is overjoyed, boastful except for those who are steadfast and do right actions. They will receive forgiveness and a large reward. (Qur'an, 11:9-11)

The OTHER siblings

One of AH's friends opened up to me once about her problems at home. she was feeling unloved, unappreciated and forced to play the role of the understanding older sister when she was a child herself.

"Why aunty? asyik kiter jer kena mengalah dengan adik? adik pun kena belajar whats right and wrong kan?"

When one is faced with the daily struggles of bringing up a special child, its so easy to forget that the rest of our children needs our love and attention too. we sometimes get so caught up in the unfairness and misfortune that has befallen our special child that we tend to expect the other siblings to be thankful that they are 'normal' and make allowances for their sibling.

Yes, the kids must be taught to help out but they can only do that willingly and with an open heart when they themselves feel loved and appreciated - they did not ask to get a special sibling, they did not ask to be the normal one. they have no say to whats fair or not fair in the game of life. should they then be expected to make sacrifices when they themselves arent too sure that everything's alright with their lives to start with?

Kids need the reassurance that they mean something even if they're not special. they are not mature enough to realise they are lucky to be normal, not yet. and it has nothing to do with selfishness, growing up kids are just insecure. wouldnt we be when everything around us keep changing all the time ? bcoz isnt that what growing up is all about.... change, change and more change? all they do know is that they still need their parents TLC regardless of the parents state of mind or health. oh and believe me, i do know just how tiring dealing with a special child can be!! brain dead sometimes.

But we do have to dig deep into that special reserve that only parents seem to have. our children needs us, regardless of their condition. of course they must realise that the concept of 'fairness' is not about doling out equal portions of time, attention, food, whatever. fairness is something related to the needs & requirements of the persons or situations involved. even in a normal household, are we supposed to give out equal portions of whatever regardless of age and needs? ok, heres an over simplified example...... kalau abang long is 20 and adek su is 5 do i insist that they both get full portions of nasi goreng in the name of justice even if adek su would probably end up with an extended belly and puke the first chance he gets?

Of course to be fair, the special sibling should be getting 'special' attention..... but certainly NOT at the expense of the other siblings. Tough for the parents for sure but they're ALL our amanah.


** Treadmill Log**

Time= 35 mins
Distance= 5.1 km
Speed= 9.5 km/hr mostly
Incline= 1-2
Calories burned= 335 kj

Monday blues

I want to be out there running summore *faced with piles of paperwork and a full in tray*


**Running Log**

3 mini laps= 3 km= 20 mins

Past Week Mileage= 15.8 km

Company on saturday

Ooohhh and sabriena's one already?

The stepbro called yesterday and we ended up setting up a time for a little get together. the cutie pie had turned one and her mak pah wanted to see just how big she had become :) all my 3 stepbros live in kl but real life & its myriad of problems prevent us from meeting often. the gap between moi and them is quite huge (15 years) and i guess young people do need to struggle that wee bit more during these early years in establishing 'a life'.

So after my morning run, i made a pit stop at the market for taugeh and stuff. feeling a little lazy and since they were coming for tea, i was going to fry some meehoon, buy a couple of roasters from ayamas, hijack a cake and some pies from baker's cottage and lastly go hunting for a prezzie suitable for a one year old.
i was quite stumped about what to get baby brie but thank god i had AH for that :)

Actually my old friend R did mention the slight possibility of dropping by... but of course the poor darling was having a skull cracking bout of migraine and wasnt going anywhere till it got better so i wasnt really banking on her turning up, with her mee bandung no less hehehe. another day perhaps eh R. Now out of the blue, another old friend (oh i am so blessed to suddenly have so many old friends around to brighten up my days) was in the neighbourhood and whadaya know...... managed to find his way to my most humble abode. like me, my home is seadanye :)

All in all, it was a fine way to spend the evening - with family and friend.


**Running Log**

1 lap plus= 5 km = 35 mins


**Caspian Newsflash**
Abe's doing well.... i know now his fall wasnt as bad as he made out and probably was doing it just to scare the bejezus out of me!!!!! sheesh, not funny ok... unless you're planning on killing me any time soon. humppphhh... men!!!!! he was at a mini pool championship in the morning and later moved on to a rousing ping pong match. certainly not the activities of an out & out dude.

YOU take care

Theres nowhere else i would rather be than with you, you know that baby.

How could he have been so careless? to have slipped and fallen hard on the icy steps this morning!!!!!!! it must have been quite a thump...... i'm sure there wasnt any chance of breaking the fall since he must have been in such a rush to get to work. gawd, makes me feel so f**king useless and helpless being so far away from my man.

Damn, damn, double damn.

He says hes ok and i'm supposed to take his word for it. yeah.. right!!

Please please oh please.... make your safety and security top priority will ya!!! Help me out here, i'm hanging on by a thread as it is.


Turn Me On
Like a flower waiting to bloom
Like a lightbulb in a dark room
I'm just sitting here waiting for you
To come home and turn me on
Like the desert waiting for the rain
Like a schoolkid waiting for spring
I'm just sitting here waiting for you
To come home and turn me on.

My poor heart
Its been so dark since you've been gone
After all you're the one who turns me off
And you're the one who can turn me back on

My hi-fi's waiting for a new tune
The glass is waiting for some fresh ice cubes
I'm just sitting here waiting for you
To come on home and turn me on
Turn me on

by Norah Jones.


**Running Log**

4 mini laps= 4 km= 30 minutes

Another cold run and i dont think i'll be able to sustain a 4 km run before work much longer... too hectic. terkejar2 terkocoh2 to punch in on time and my enjoyment level is fast disappearing. for the long haul, a 3 km run is more sustainable and i guess i'm going for that instead. longer runs for the weekends.

A date with the past

Not many people are given the opportunity to recapture a little of their past because the past is after all, in the past (putar belit skit heheh). we cant deny the fact that the older we get, the more prone we are to ponder about it...... to recall, to reminisce. just how many times have we caught ourselves thinking of the good old days ??!! a million times probably.

Last nite was indeed a momentous nite for me. you see, i was given the chance to meet up with 10 of my very very old friends. oh and they go back to a great many years indeed!!!!

32 years ago i was a clueless kid who did things because the teacher said so. 32 years ago i was a tomboy bent on chasing the boys (and i do mean the running kind lol) and making the naughty ones pay for their misdeeds. 32 years ago i was merrily sucking on the wonderful sweet ais kepal sold in front of my school (a little like the one sayuri was having). 32 years ago i had a group of friends all united on having ourselves a good time and who didnt have a care in world.

We were 12.

Just look at us now lol.


Abu Bakar Primary School Mentakab - Batch of 1973.

And we're excitedly planning for a reunion this 2nd of April to be held at the school hall :) just imagine that huh !!!!!!!!


** Running Log**

3 mini laps (masjid route)= 3 km= 20 mins.

Too pressed for time so i had no choice but to go on a cold run... no warming up or cooling down session. dangerous on the old muscles and joints.

Pergantungan

Pergantungan yang mutlak hanyalah pada Mu

Pergantungan yang mutlak hanyalah pada Mu

Pergantungan yang mutlak hanyalah pada Mu

Accept that and i will be at peace.... accept that and my disappoinments will cease.... accept that and i will be that much closer to redha.

Oh Most Merciful and Most Gracious, please be with me always.


**Running Log**

1 lap= 3.8 km= 25 mins

General Assembly 2006

I almost didnt make it to the 1st SUK general assembly for 2006. somehow having to stomach bulls**t so early in the morning spoils my whole day. but.... not wanting to be such a sourpuss and a cynical one at that, i just followed the crowd.

As usual with this kind of shindig, the great powerful ones were late. i actually counted 2 'pengsan' cases by the time we were halfway through and those were just the ones within my line of vision and it was a pretty BIG assembly by all counts. neeways, it was the usual blah blah blah, nothing new unfortunately.... and i didnt even get the lousy ballpen everyone else seem to have gotten. memang tak nak pun (sour grapes hehehe).

The SUK choir has greatly improved.... and no wonder. as i watched them perform from the restless mass of humanity, all thinking about the things they'd really rather be doing, who do i spy conducting them dengan bersemangatnyer?? well....... siti hajar of course!!!!!! semenjak dua menjak AF fever ni shes very much in demand. there was that time i bumped into her outside a friend's house.... it was dark and i thought i was imagining things but later her son 'soksek'ed to me that yes, mama was taking vocal classes. i guess datins do need to be ready for all kinds of challenges :) way to go kak R !!!!

In the end, it was the same old same old, nothing special. hope i'll be able to avoid the rest of the assemblies... not unless there was something really worthwhile that the powerful ones wanted to tell us. till then i guess i'll remain, the active bystander :)

Its been awhile since i last let wak memon wreck havoc on my body. gosh... that woman never cease to amaze me with her strength!!!! old iron fingers is what she is and to think shes already in her 70's. to be as healthy and as energised as she is!!!!! i did snap a pic of her after the pummelling session ( i was a good girl today... even though i was grunting and groaning most of the time, i only screamed once and it was a wee scream at that lol) but i need my eldest to upload (or is it download? i never could quite figure that out) it to the computer. you'll see what i mean when i say small and wiry :)

Ahhhh... i feel good...... tarararrarararah!!!!

p.s. but i'm still missin' you baby.



**Running Log**

Past Week Mileage= 12 km

And its about time

I thought i'd get a little more serious with my running this year but so far, i've done less than i have in months!!!! so since i had a good run yesterday, it was only good sense that i attempted a 2 lap run this morning.

Unfortunately, it didnt turn out as well as i'd hoped it would.

Just as i started running, the little ben at dataran shah alam blared its 8 am 'song & chime' and i decided to take that as my cue. my first lap was so so and i certainly wasnt pleased to find myself unable to pick up the pace after that. i usually get a second boost when i'm into my 5th - 6th km. but there i was dragging my feet and trying all manners of self talk to get out of the rut. i had almost given up when suddenly out there in the distance, i spied 2 merry looking trucks (very similar to the colourful ice cream vans you sometimes see in your neighbourhood). it was actually nestle promotional trucks all stocked up with cups upon cups of free nescafe, nestum, and omega milk!!!! hehehe, you should have seen me after i downed that cup of milk.... zoooooom (well it sure felt as if i was zoooming away anyway). thank you mr nestle men!!!!

Unfortunately, i was too far back to gain any significant time. i crossed the 8 km mark (MBSA finally placed markers on the tracks) just a couple of beats before the little ben blared out its 9 am chimes.

well... at least its a start. i'll have to work my timing from there.

Singgah Abes favourite breakfast place and bought take-outs for both my household (mak & the kids) and mek's (MIL & SIL). the logistics of it allowed me to drop off stuff at home first. then singgah at MY fav breakfast place and got myself pecal with lots of fried peparu and tempe (yup.. lunch fare is available quite early in shah alam) before making my way to mek's. even if i hadnt promise the hubby i'd keep an eye on his mom, i'd still be doing it bcoz i love the old lady. shes a spunky gal mek is :) made sure she ate... she likes to procrastinate when it comes to eating thus the gastric and stayed well after 1.30 pm.

Yup thats one gutsy old lady!!!!


**Running Log**

2 laps plus= 8 km= 60 mins

Must do better.


**Caspian Newsflash**
D'Abe reports that turkmanbashi is much much colder than ashgabat and he hasnt been able to bathe this morning coz the plumbing's all blocked up. hmmmm... solat camane agaknye?!! So you're becoming quite a clubber eh?!! you owe me a whole week of dancing then ;)

Tahnik and aqiqah

I had been invited to a tahnik & aqiqah ceremony at 10 am. i always try to be punctual but somehow my run kinda screwed up my timing. was all set to 'tenggek' kuah spaghetti for the kids before i left but whadayaknow.... there wasnt enough time. i knew i shouldnt have made that stopover at the market, but i was out of green bell peppers. and whats spaghetti bolognese w/out them?

Anyways, i had to move on to plan B. i couldnt leave the kids w/out food on the table (mak would have a fit) and they've had about enough of nasi lemak, nasi dage take outs.... so i opted for the simple but all time fav: ayam masak kicap with loads of those dried black cendawan cina thrown in; a lot like the goey stuff they put on the sizzling yee mees xcept mine had a lot of chilli api & black pepper (lethal combination when in large doses... berasap telinga dll hehehe) in it.

It was a close call but i made it to kak jah's place on time and it was a grand occasion indeed. KJ had the kenduri done for both her cucus, both boys. one was her son's first child the other was her daughter's 3rd but long awaited boy. hmmmm... did any of that make sense? ahh well :) the marhaban and berzanji went on for close to 2 hours and lordy, i was having a hard time trying to stay demure and composed 'bersimpuh' on the floor. lenguh maaa.... dah tua cannot stay like that for long... the joints cant take it and the butt just want to turn to stone heheh!!!

Anyways alhamdulillah selamat semuanye and the 2 adorable little boys were so obliging..... they slept most of the time and didnt throw too much of a fuss when we started snipping away bits of their hair :)

Semoga cucu2 KJ dirahmati dan diberkati dunia akhirat!!

And the kenduri that followed........ oh my, it was such a feast i tell ya!!!!!! i had to stop myself from gorging on all that kambing, it was so soft and not to mention tasty!!!! i've always loved kambing, be it lamb or mutton, and you can imagine the temptation to return for seconds...... and thirds hehehe. but please also bear in mind that i : had just finished a 4 km run in the morning (something which i've been slacking lately) + had to rush through my cooking with barely enough time to get ready. nowhere in that equation was eating mentioned and since it was almost 1.30 pm.... i was indeed RAVENOUS !!!!!! having to act like a respectable makcik sucks - all i wanted to do was tear away at the lamb leg like a caveman.... ugh, cavewoman ;)

When i got home, i was definitely the biggest ulor sawo ever to laze about the house..... bloated giler siot. adding to the fact that i was pretty ravenous, it was also that time of the month when i was feeling hungry enough to eat a damn house (blame it on the hormones; i think most women would know what i'm talking about). hmmm i wonder if it'll be the same when menopause hits (oh Lord pls delay that part of nature until many many many years to come..... ameen).

So AFe's bag got packed rather late in the day. i normally insist we have his stuff all settled early because somehow or other some last minute things would always crop up and THAT stresses me out big time. nevertheless the darling was very cooperative and we managed to leave home well before 11 pm (his bus leaves jln duta for sungai petani at 12.15 am). ok people.. please remind me to never make light of a very very low fuel indication, will ya? bcoz thats what i did. see, i had a low fuel reading ( just 1 'takuk' left) and on normal trips, it'd be enough for us to make it to the terminal and have the tank refilled on the way back. huh... i sure didnt make any allowance for the massive jam at the jalan duta stretch (they're building an elevated highway or something). sheesh by the time i hit the last roundabout for a u turn back to the terminal, i had already hit EMPTY. kecut perut gak tapi in front of the kids control 'macho' jer hehehe. didnt even wait to see AF off (i usually wait till he goes... just for my own peace of mind), i made a beeline to the nearest petrol station.

By then it was almost midnite and i was praying that the station that i frequent would still be open. AI was equally tense tapi dier pun control macho gak hehehe.... and as we crested the hill and turned the corner both secretly praying as hard as we could, tadaaaaaa... both the esso & shell station was still bathed in glorious white neon lights!!!!!!!! phew.. that was a real close call. learn from it cik pah!!!!


** Running Log**

1 lap plus= 4 km= 25 mins.

Considering that i havent been out for weeks, it was a good run :)


** Caspian Newsflash**
Abe's off to turkmenbashi to check on some pipes. but apparently he was stuck at the airport for hours... flights were delayed due to heavy fog. when he finally got there he was greeted with more cold weather. turkmenbashi is a town by the sea with cold winds. do try to stay warm and safe darling!!!

Another first

Kelakor betul. dah tua2 ni pulak the opportunity to 'bercintan di alam maya' suddenly presents itself lol.

I've been staying connected to Abe through sms - i'm 'there' to wake him up, 'send' him off to work with a cyber kiss, ribbing him when he least expects it, walking him through his first few wobbly attempts at cooking (kat rumah tak pernah masuk dapur pun)..... so far, he's made chicken curry (he says muak tak cukup pedas), mackerel bercili (he says kenapa manis? - you need to get rid of all the tomato sauce base and up the chilli paste la yang) and daging goreng (the dish he's most pleased with so far - just remember to always cut the meat against the grain ok lol). i am so very proud of you la abe weh :)

And his is the last 'voice' i hear before i go to sleep.

But all this means the hole in my pocket is getting bigger and bigger because he's using a turkmenistan number against my celcom. sebelum keadaan menjadi lebih parah lagi, we needed a solution and needed it ASAP !!!

Heheh.... the Almighty has been most merciful. Abe finally figured out how to hook up to the internet from home and yesterday marked the first time EVER the man went chatting on the net hehehe. he was so so excited when we finally got past the baby steps in IM'ing (it was hilarious when he couldnt find the conversation window and once it popped up didnt know what the hell to do with it lol) and before long was raring away full speed like a mad bull. habis semua anak2 dia suruh chat ngan dia heheh. we finally stopped around 3 am (12 midnite his time) and by then i was already starting to see double lol.

Lord what have i done??!!! i've created a monstah ;) nasib baik la dah solat jemaah and baca yassin with the kids earlier...... kalau tidak hancus laa jawabnye hehehe.

So now all we need is to get 2 sets of mic, headphone (kids, try NOT to break this one ok) and webcam and we're all set to go :)

p.s. Abe, just remember to have the IM on everytime you're at the puter ok!!!!! Lets stay connected baby... yeah !!!!


** Running Log **

*sigh* ni yang part sedih nih.... the weather and my schedule hasnt permitted me to enjoy any outdoor activities lately. my running has sadly been lagging. must and will do something about it this weekend!!!!!!!


** Caspian Newsflash**
Abe reports: Its snowing again in ashgabat, and the snow is thicker this time. Snowman anyone?!!

The ADHD experience

I'd like to share something i wrote in 2002...... with the hope that some good can be gotten out of it, especially for people facing a similar situation.

I have a 17 year old son with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. Maybe you’ve heard of this condition or maybe you haven’t. But to arrive at his present diagnosis and treatment, we had to travel a long and traumatic road. It is my greatest wish that our story of this journey would in some way help others of similar fate here in Malaysia.

Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD comes with or without hyperactivity. It is a neurobiological disorder. The most recent research shows that the symptoms of ADD are caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. To understand how this disorder interferes with one’s ability to focus, sustain attention, and with memory formation and retrieval, it is important to understand how the brain communicates information. But to cut it all short, we’ll just zoom in straight to the neurotransmitters namely serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine. With ADD there is a flaw in the way the brain manages the neurotransmitter production, storage or flow, causing imbalances. There is either not enough of them, or the levels are not regulated, swinging wildly from high to low.

Typically, people with ADD have problems with following through on instructions, paying appropriate attention to what they need to attend to, seem not to listen, be disorganized, have poor handwriting, miss details, have trouble starting tasks or with tasks that require planning or long-term effort, appear to be easily distracted, or forgetful. In addition, some people with ADD can be fidgety, verbally impulsive, unable to wait their turn, and act on impulse regardless of consequences. But, not all people with ADD have all of these difficulties, nor all of the time.

Born with a congenital heart defect, my son was relatively healthy after undergoing corrective surgery at 6 months of age. In and out of hospitals, he grew up into a bright and inquisitive child. He had more than his fair share of childhood ‘mis’adventures, was an avid reader by 5 years and as much in his element at the library as he was at the toyshop... But most of all, he never could sit still! He was literally here, there and everywhere. He could not handle any kind of structured environment for long and that certainly created problems within a classroom setting. Irate and exasperated teachers became the norm for us. There was this hyperactive kid who wouldn’t stay in his seat, questioned everything and anything and thus disrupted the class. His work was sloppy, writing hardly legible, no sense of time or danger and he was forever losing things. Not for him the occasional lost pencil, eraser or ruler... No, not my son. In those early primary days, it was normal to see him with just a shoe or none at all. Or without his bag because he left it at the canteen, or somewhere! But then, at the same time he was also writing poems and novels (the latter of which have seldom reached successful completion!).

All along I had this nagging feeling that my husband and I needed to do something for our son. He was our eldest and we were terribly inexperienced parents. We had this bright kid with so much potential but who did not seem to thrive at school. We sent him to Bakagruv a couple of times under Dr Azman Wan Chik’s BAKA program and enrolled him in ‘summercamps’ to keep him occupied. We brought him to HUKM when he was 10 years to seek psychiatric evaluation but nothing came out of that. He was just another naughty and boisterous kid. Nobody took his hyperactivity seriously because of his intelligence. But life went on and my son continued to be misunderstood by all parties, myself included. In secondary school, his hyperactivity was no longer apparent. But his restlessness and inability to pay attention in class was a recurring theme during each report day. Teachers figured his inattentiveness was due to arrogance and a couldn’t care less attitude, peers found him weird and clueless on social cues. And we thought he was just lazy and unmotivated.

It all came out to the fore again after his PMR. Good grades landed him a place in a respectable boarding school. He was ecstatic, impatient to be on his own, away from the contraints of home and its ‘protective’ environment. We were happy for him though we had our reservations.... he was still terribly disorganized; had trouble completing homework or assignments, or studying for that matter and still extremely forgetful. But then, he was what he was and we didn’t know any better. Middle of last year our family doctor dropped a bombshell during one of our son’s regular check ups. He told us our son was suffering from depressive illness. I was shocked, now where did that suddenly spring from? He wasn’t showing any of the classic symptoms, which includes loss of interest and pleasure in ordinary activities, persistent sadness, crying, irritabilty. He seem to be enjoying his new school, his new found freedom. Other symptoms like difficulty in sleeping, concentrating, remembering, making decisions all had always been there as far back as I could remember. Somehow, I just couldn’t understand nor really accept the doctor’s diagnosis as it was. It just did not feel right.

So, apart from the limited information I was getting from our local sources, I turned to the internet and retrieved all that I could regarding depression. My foray led me to the mental health issues which in turn led me right back to hyperactivity or rather, Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. I came to learn that only about one third of ADD children outgrow the condition, while the rest have it throughout their lives. ADD has many variants and no two conditions are the same. My son had almost all the criterias listed out in the DSM IV table used by professionals to help in the diagnosis of ADD, even before he was 6 years old. I also found out ADD could present itself with other coexisting conditions and one of them was..... depression. Bingo! To me it was the connection I was searching for, an important piece of the puzzle. Now it made sense. It was terribly frustrating that our family doctor did not agree that our son had ADD. He believed that it was just our son’s personality trait and that every one is different , etc. We basically agreed on the treatment for his clinical depression because I had read that antidepressants could also help ADD teens with sleeping problems. In a round about way, he was being treated for the ADD part which I knew in my heart of hearts he had.

My son struggled through his year at boarding school and I guess he found out that he couldn’t really cope. The academic system of grade points was too rigid for his studying style, managing himself and all his belongings were too much effort and the food was intolerable for him. Early morning calls caught him tired and sleepy because left to his own supervision, he had very very late nights. Of course this affected his health and his grades and after several family discussions and much deliberation, we all agreed it was better for him to come back.

Having him home brought us face to face with his ‘growing up pains’. Here was a teenager who had to deal with, not only raging hormones, but also depression and untreated ADD. The pressure of the impending SPM, the constant feeling of being misunderstood and unaccepted plus all the other insecurities that a teen suffers, all contributed to his rapid decline into major depression and suicidal ideation. The rate of deterioration was just unbelievable. I had always shared a close relationship with my son and it just broke my heart to see him hurting so badly. At this point in his life he needed more than whatever love and comfort that the family had to offer.... he needed acceptance as a person in his own right and respect from his peers and the rest of humanity.

We have seeked psychiatric help to deal with his depression though the medical community in general is still cautious about diagnosing children with ADD, especially when they appear intelligent. Since then we have moved on to another psychiatrist whom we are all more comfortable with. And thank God, the doctor has picked up my son’s underlying mental restlessness and pinned it down to ADD. He is currently taking medication for both depression and ADD and though the road to recovery seem long and winding, I have the greatest faith that we will make it.

I am sad that my son had to go through what he did. But the good thing is, it doesn’t have to be that way for everyone else! ADD can be managed. With early diagnosis and the proper knowledge most of what we went through could have been avoided. The primary symptoms of impulsivity, distractability and hyperactivity is easier to address as compared to the secondary problems of low self-esteem, anxiety and depression arising from untreated symptoms. Parents with hyperactive children please take note. If you have that certain gut feeling that something is not quite right with your child, go read up as much as you can on the matter. Seek professional help if you think its necessary even if family and friends come up with such things like “kids will be kids”, “they’d grow out of it” etc. etc. etc... Better careful than sorry. Though there are groups questioning the validity of this disorder, blaming it on bad parenting, ineffective education and everything else, families with ADD children know that the problem is very real. Spare your child the anguish of growing up constantly misunderstood and yourself the pain of helplessly standing by the sidelines. With early intervention and treatment, ADD can be a wonderful experience. Children with ADD more often than not have more than their fair share of creativity, sensitivity, intuition and intelligence. As testimony, there is this beautiful human being that is my son, and I admire and respect the courage he has shown us in managing his life against the odds.

SUGGESTED READING:

1.Driven to Distraction – ADD, Childhood through Adulthood.
By Edward M. Hallowell M.D. & John J Ratey M.D, TouchstonePublication.
Kinokuniya at RM 56.31

2.Overcoming Low Self Esteem- Self Help Guide using Cognitive Behavioral Techniques
By Melanie Fennel, Robinson Publication.
MPH at RM 42.90

3.Emotional Intelligence – Why it can matter more than IQ
By Daniel Goleman, Bantam Books.
SMART Bookstore at RM 32.90

4.The Great Big Book Of How To Study (Chapter 7:Time To Deal With ADHD)
By Ron Fry
SMART Bookstore at RM 32.90

RELATED WEBSITES:

1. http://www.chadd.org Children and Adults with ADHD

2. http://www.mentalhealth.com Internet Mental Health

3. http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/library/mentalhealth/home.html The US Surgeon General’s report on Mental Health.

4. http://adhd.kids.tripod.com ‘Outside the box’- helping misunderstood kids.

5. http://www.add.org Attention Deficit Disorder Association.

6. http://www.educational-psychologist.co.uk Free educational packages for learning difficulties.

ARTICLES FROM THE NET:

1.ADHD Booklet by National Institute of Mental Health
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/adhd.cfm

2.Life in Overdrive, a TIMES article
http://www.mentalhealth.com/mag1/p51-adhd.html

3.How it feels like to have ADD by Dr. Hallowell, M.D.
http://www.add.org/content/abc/hallowell.htm


[RK/embun/Archive/2002]

Also available at:
http://familyplace.tmspublisher.com/topicOpen.cfm?id=B5DC67F1-DC1C-4874-B2E9DC9BD1A993FF

A first

Well theres a first for everything i guess.

After all this years and with the kids all grown, its the first time that this family's celebrating hari raya without the main man. feels wrong somehow and we were going about a little like lost sheeps for a while there. but thank god we've always been close.... we're now rallying each other. the kids have been awesome (thank you so so much darlings) and have been extremely supportive of their very 'poyo' mama. an occasion with the potential to leave me wallowing in sadness and misery has turned out to be ok after all :)

AF arrived the eve of raya. i had already 'tenggek'ed my rendang ayam and 'rebus'ed the ketupat earlier and planned to visit with the MIL that nite. found out that AF posa sunat isnin and only got to break fast on the bus with something or other. so goes without saying that he wanted to stay home and stuff his face. in the end it was only me and AH at the MIL's. of course she was also pining for her son but she allowed herself to be persuaded into eating the food that i brought (i'm lucky because she has always liked my cooking... get a man thru his mom's stomach hehehe). we stayed to bergebang till way past midnite. it was a healing time for restless hearts like ours.... i guess we needed each other bcoz we were missing the man and being together brought him that much closer.


Abe... heres the latest pic of ur 2 most fav gals heheh!!

Hari raya morning dawned bright and sunny. i was scared i'd be affected by the takbir raya and make a fool of myself in front of the kids; bawling my heart out like i did the 1st day he left. but again He showed me His mercy by giving me composure. kalau tak malu la gak kat bebudak, melalak kat masjid masa sembahyang raya.... org tua nangis memang buruk betul rupanye :) after i got thru the first hurdle everything else was plain sailing. berkumpul ramai2 at mek's as per usual but like i said before, what would i have done without the kids, without my darlings?!! boys, you are my pillars of strength and AH, thank you for doing what you did.....

My BILs have always been very helpful and supportive and Joe is especially close to AH because his daughter's the same age and the 2 cousins get along like a house on fire. knowing that AH must be missing her dad (anak abah) he offered to take AH along with him for the day.

"Jom ecah, ikut uncle... kita jalan2 beraya. petang nanti kita jumpa balik kat rumah uncle Olim", said Joe as he rumpled her hair. another BIL was having a birthday party for his youngest that evening and of course the whole clan was invited.

Smiling, my little girl looked over to me and replied, " Takpe la uncle... saya nak temankan mak saya yang lonely nih".

Of course everybody laughed at her quick retort, but i was so touched that my daughter was sensitive enough to consider my feelings. surely it was more fun for her to be galivanting about with her cousin. it made me feel sooooo loved. And yes kiddos, you're all without doubt the greatest joy of my life!

Love you to bits.... muaaaahhhh.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA QURBAN one and all.


** Caspian Newsflash**
Abe reports that theres been an unexpected occurence in ashgabat - the place is SNOWING!!!!! it hasnt snowed for years and even the locals are excited. hati2 main snow tu abe.... remembering our henniker days!!! :)

The lovable kiddos

AF's back and he's gone off to one utama with AI & arin, his best friend. they plan to hang out at MPH (is it really the biggest outlet in malaysia)? i find that up till now, the kiddos seem to be more of homebodies and not really into socialising..... but they do have a select group of loyal friends. yup, good friends are such an integral part of a complete and enriching life isnt it?

So that takes care of friday payers. would you believe how lazy the guyz can get!!!!! they would dwaddle about the house until the last minute (azan usually) and then beg me to send them off to the mosque - alasan, susah parking!!! ha ah, ngade sungguh. and i know what you're thinking... let them handle it la. yeah sure but the kids know just the right strings to pull and have me wound round their not so little fingers... when i let them la of course lol. i try to be accomodating but to a point and they're learning fast not to cross that line. people who dont really know me thinks i'm a control freak (its mak who actually holds that title). well, maybe back in those days when my kids were small and each were afflicted with quite major illnesess, but not anymore. i might look rough & tough but i'm not inside, so when the kids grew up and finally figured that out, they've been bullying me ever since lol but of course i've been fighting back ;)

I know AH wants to be with her bros but she has school. AF is her teman mengadu and AI is her teman bergurau. syukur sangat they are as thick as thieves.... sayang kalau ada adik beradik tapi tak rapat, such a waste. me, i didnt have anyone growing up and i can tell ya the loneliness sure sucks.

And talking about loneliness........ SIGH.

Nope we're not going into that.

** Running Log **

4km = 28 mins
Cooling down/Stretching = hardly 10 mins (too pressed for time)


bersama mu..

Jangan diucap selamat tinggal
Pada diriku yang menanti mu
Telah kau tunai seribu janji
Satu kau mungkiri... hidup bersama ku

Tidakkah kau kasihan
Kpd ku yg mengharapkan cinta mu
Mengalir airmata ku
Merintih dalam pilu bila kau berlalu

Serikan semula mahligai hati yg lara
Bertahun lama ku tunggu
Bertaut cinta yang satu
Berikan ku cinta
Sembuhkan luka lama
Selagi kasih membara
Daku setia selamanya

Jangan diucap perpisahan
Sayup suara mu membuangkan rindu
Pasrah ku dalam kerinduan
Kasih kepada mu subur di hatiku.

BERSAMA MU - Sarah

Rescheduling

Ok, time i rescheduled my days according to changes brought in by the new year.

- no more late afternoon runs... i get too pooped to be of any use and might as well take advantage of having NO kids going to morning classes, yay. AH's still in the afternoon session and AI's home doing, yes, nothing 'cept eat sleep and play his puter games, the lazy bugger. but whatever... i now have hassle free mornings *huge grin* and i can run all i want. would even like to keep a weekly tally if theres enough running done.

- gym visits only when i feel up to it... 2006 is going to be a stress free year.

- wak mon visits monthly, 1 session before the 1st week is out. too much prodding & pumelling might terputus ye ole urats la lol

- kumon once a week, just friday nites. AH's marking her own papers now.

- the rest of the weekdays, study sessions with AH 8.30 - 10.30 pm. for her - homework, for me - terjemahan quran/hadith.

- malam jumaat to be spent not only at the at the surau but the state mosque as well. just to spice things up a bit lol.

- movies alternate weeks

- bookstores alternate weeks

- library, tun uda/ksas weekly

- karaoke @ ksas with the kids when i get the blues

- osso thinking of taking up swimming again @ UiTM pool, on its 'ladies only' days but not so sure laa.... got to hunt for appropriate swimsuit summore, lazy lazy.

[ TO BE UPDATED ]


** Running Log **

1 lap plus = 4km= 30 mins.

It feels great to be running in the morning again... empowerment baby, yeah!!!!

Masih numero uno

Still not in the frame of mind to write anything that'll make sense... i'm missin' my man and missin' him bad.

When i first saw you i saw love..
And the first time you touched me i felt love..
And after all this time you're still the one i love.

Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come now baby
We might've took the long way
But we knew we'd get there someday
They said "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look as us holding on
We're still together still going strong.

You're still the one i run to
The one that i belong to.
You're the one i want for life.
You're still the one that i love
The only one i dream of
You're still the one i kiss goodnite.

Aint nothin' better
We beat the odds together
I'm glad we didnt listen
Look at what we would be missin'
They said "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong.

You're still the one i run to
The one that i belong to
You're the one i want for life
You're still the one that i love
The only one i dream of
You're still the one i kiss goodnite.

I'm so glad we made it
Look how far we've come my baby........


YOU'RE STILL THE ONE - Shania Twain

Missing you

To see you when i wake up
Is a gift i didnt think could be real
To know that you feel the same as i do
Is a three-fold, utopian dream
You do something to me that i cant explain
So would i be out of line if i said
I miss you..

I see your picture, i smell your skin
On the empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone a day
But already i'm wasting away
I know i'll see you again whether far or soon
But i need you to know that i care
And i miss you..



I MISS YOU - by Incubus.