Berpijak dibumi nyata

Woe is me.

It's very unfortunate that i've unintentionally caused 'heartache' to a fellow blogger's wife by sending out an email to him in response to an enquiry made at my blog. dayyum... i should've known better and just kept the comments between blogs. but being a makcik yg dah krepot and feeling ancient enough to be a mom to most of you, i thought nothing of sending out the email. i guess i crossed the line there and have hurt people. for that i am sorry. it was never my intention and its certainly a hard lesson learned.

But being a wife myself, i do know where she's coming from.

The relationship that a husband & wife share is actually very delicate and needs a lot of work on both sides to keep it not only going but going strong. we sometimes forget how fragile it is once the years pile up and start taking things for granted. there're so many things that can get in the way of a happy marriage so much so that if we keep focusing on the negative stuff, life will eventually come to a standstill.

I've been married for 22 years now and yes, it has been wonderful years... years for which i am deeply thankful. my dua is that it will remain this way forever. but coming from a broken family and growing up the way i did, i have no illusions whatsoever about it. i know that all the love, time and energy i've poured into this marriage does not at all guarantee that this happiness will last. without the Lord's blessing it could have turned any which way and even now, after all's been said and done, the only thing holding things harmoniously together is His mercy.

Can i rest on my laurels for the happy years spent together? heck no, because anything can happen. we wont know until we're tested. i worry that my hubby is away from me. and if i let my imagination run amok and think of what he could be doing in that big empty house, thousands of miles away from me & the kids, i get this gut wrenching pain that cuts away my breathing and leaves me incapacitated. and it takes almost all of my strength not to dwell on all the possibilities and to just carry on. after all, if things were destined to happen it could happen right here under my nose. relationships, like everything else, are never entirely within our control.

To me the greatest threat is not the many beautiful 'one of' hostesses or SYT's strutting all over the place. i am wary of the women that a man has to deal with every day; the face that he sees day in, day out and the interactions that he shares. because i believe that beauty is not necessarily the main attraction but its the intimacy or kemesraan that breaks down walls (if there was any to begin with) *huge sigh* its tough being a woman and tougher being a wife. we have to be supportive & understanding but on the other hand, we musnt be push overs. but where's the line that marks the two?

And the longer i'm married the greater is my struggle to find that elusive balance. harmony does not come easy. jangan terlalu curiga tetapi berwaspada. a certain amount of trust must be in place for it to be workable.

Lets pray for the Lord's continuous mercy on all of us.