Social retard

... thats what i am, and i despise the fact that i might've dragged the children down with me.

I've always been a loner. not a recluse who shuns human interaction (tak la seteruk itu) but more of finding comfort & solace in my own company. i avoid crowds because they make me uneasy & it takes time for me to warm up to strangers... a long time. but that doesnt mean i dont like company. gawd i love meeting people & making new friends, i do, i really do. its just that i'm more a one-to-one person and at most can only handle small groups of people at a time.

Now it kinda looks like my kids are following in my footsteps, alas.

First and foremost its not a good thing bcos if you dont join in, you dont belong. and for a youngster trying to find a niche in life, acceptance is important. and even when we get older society demands that we.. aahh, mingle.. and mingle well.

To be a fully functional member of society, completely at ease in any type of social function, always making the right moves, gracious, confident.

Its a skill that i truly covet.

If only i could be that gracious, that confident.. if only i could stop feeling like a bull in a china shop.. if only i didnt act like i had 2 left feet.. if only, if only...

And in this case i wish that my kids were more like my husband. he's the social one and has phenomenal networking skills. somehow it has made life easier for him especially because no man is an island. unfortunately, he's away so often that his influence is hardly felt. not that you dont matter darling, please thats not the case at all. just that it takes time for such things to have an effect and the kids are with me 24/7.

Kiddoes... do something about it please, before it becomes that much harder to change. Go actively seek the skills necessary to fit in.

Believe me, its easier in the long run and will help you swallow the farce without it showing on your faces.

OUTPUT
AM - 4k/ tasik (but it was truly hard going today)