Ever grateful

One of the benefits of growing old (yeah it doesnt just turn u into an ugly old hag who cant seem to remember anything anymore hehehe) is that things dont really disturb or bother you as much as they used to. life's more peaceful, serene.

For example if i find myself or any of the kids breaking a fav mug or teapot or vase... as i look down at the broken pieces i start thinking, heck so what, its just a mug/teapot/vase and i have lots of that anyway. believe me it would have been a completely different scenario if it was say, 10 years back. penuh telinga bebudak kena sumbu and kalau sendiri yang buat, tak habis2 la dilanda waves upon waves of penyesalan.

And used to be, kalau cik Abe asyik membebel ke, terlajak main golf ke, terlupa pape ke, 'absent' while present ke.... alamak hai, sakit hati ni bukan kepalang, meluap2 rasanya. or when he comes home and start getting all grumpy & angry for no apparent reason (its usually work related but still) i cant help but feel ever so guilty & defensive... tapi sekarang ni suka hati you la!! he has the right to whatever he's feeling and since its not within my control, i shouldnt be feeling bad about it. i just try to stay out of his way or when i'm feeling generous, be silently supportive.

I also used to get this bouts of melancholy and discontent.. the root of which i've never really been succesful in trying to fathom. it was just a sort of darkness that permeated my existence. but since i hit 40 (those many years ago), i've been more at peace with the world and myself. i guess i'm finally able to really really accept the concept of 'bersyukur' and being grateful of all my blessings... be it apparent or in disguise. not that i wasnt grateful before , i was, but i just didnt allow it to completely embrace me.

Yes, as i look at my life i know i am truly blessed.

So at this point in time i've become mellower and angstfree. but then the trick now is to balance it up with the right amount of passion. it'd be so easy to suddenly be brimming with so much mellowness that one actually stops feeling passionate about anything or worse still stop caring. oh busted vacuum? how inconvenient but thats ok.... oh he broke his promise? he shouldnt have but thats ok..... oh she kicked the teacher? how terrible but thats ok.

Too mellow.

Now anything thats in the extreme is bad. life needs equilibrium so gotta work on my passion.

Hmmm.. wonder when age is going to start getting me all the wiser?

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