The ADHD experience

I'd like to share something i wrote in 2002...... with the hope that some good can be gotten out of it, especially for people facing a similar situation.

I have a 17 year old son with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. Maybe you’ve heard of this condition or maybe you haven’t. But to arrive at his present diagnosis and treatment, we had to travel a long and traumatic road. It is my greatest wish that our story of this journey would in some way help others of similar fate here in Malaysia.

Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD comes with or without hyperactivity. It is a neurobiological disorder. The most recent research shows that the symptoms of ADD are caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. To understand how this disorder interferes with one’s ability to focus, sustain attention, and with memory formation and retrieval, it is important to understand how the brain communicates information. But to cut it all short, we’ll just zoom in straight to the neurotransmitters namely serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine. With ADD there is a flaw in the way the brain manages the neurotransmitter production, storage or flow, causing imbalances. There is either not enough of them, or the levels are not regulated, swinging wildly from high to low.

Typically, people with ADD have problems with following through on instructions, paying appropriate attention to what they need to attend to, seem not to listen, be disorganized, have poor handwriting, miss details, have trouble starting tasks or with tasks that require planning or long-term effort, appear to be easily distracted, or forgetful. In addition, some people with ADD can be fidgety, verbally impulsive, unable to wait their turn, and act on impulse regardless of consequences. But, not all people with ADD have all of these difficulties, nor all of the time.

Born with a congenital heart defect, my son was relatively healthy after undergoing corrective surgery at 6 months of age. In and out of hospitals, he grew up into a bright and inquisitive child. He had more than his fair share of childhood ‘mis’adventures, was an avid reader by 5 years and as much in his element at the library as he was at the toyshop... But most of all, he never could sit still! He was literally here, there and everywhere. He could not handle any kind of structured environment for long and that certainly created problems within a classroom setting. Irate and exasperated teachers became the norm for us. There was this hyperactive kid who wouldn’t stay in his seat, questioned everything and anything and thus disrupted the class. His work was sloppy, writing hardly legible, no sense of time or danger and he was forever losing things. Not for him the occasional lost pencil, eraser or ruler... No, not my son. In those early primary days, it was normal to see him with just a shoe or none at all. Or without his bag because he left it at the canteen, or somewhere! But then, at the same time he was also writing poems and novels (the latter of which have seldom reached successful completion!).

All along I had this nagging feeling that my husband and I needed to do something for our son. He was our eldest and we were terribly inexperienced parents. We had this bright kid with so much potential but who did not seem to thrive at school. We sent him to Bakagruv a couple of times under Dr Azman Wan Chik’s BAKA program and enrolled him in ‘summercamps’ to keep him occupied. We brought him to HUKM when he was 10 years to seek psychiatric evaluation but nothing came out of that. He was just another naughty and boisterous kid. Nobody took his hyperactivity seriously because of his intelligence. But life went on and my son continued to be misunderstood by all parties, myself included. In secondary school, his hyperactivity was no longer apparent. But his restlessness and inability to pay attention in class was a recurring theme during each report day. Teachers figured his inattentiveness was due to arrogance and a couldn’t care less attitude, peers found him weird and clueless on social cues. And we thought he was just lazy and unmotivated.

It all came out to the fore again after his PMR. Good grades landed him a place in a respectable boarding school. He was ecstatic, impatient to be on his own, away from the contraints of home and its ‘protective’ environment. We were happy for him though we had our reservations.... he was still terribly disorganized; had trouble completing homework or assignments, or studying for that matter and still extremely forgetful. But then, he was what he was and we didn’t know any better. Middle of last year our family doctor dropped a bombshell during one of our son’s regular check ups. He told us our son was suffering from depressive illness. I was shocked, now where did that suddenly spring from? He wasn’t showing any of the classic symptoms, which includes loss of interest and pleasure in ordinary activities, persistent sadness, crying, irritabilty. He seem to be enjoying his new school, his new found freedom. Other symptoms like difficulty in sleeping, concentrating, remembering, making decisions all had always been there as far back as I could remember. Somehow, I just couldn’t understand nor really accept the doctor’s diagnosis as it was. It just did not feel right.

So, apart from the limited information I was getting from our local sources, I turned to the internet and retrieved all that I could regarding depression. My foray led me to the mental health issues which in turn led me right back to hyperactivity or rather, Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. I came to learn that only about one third of ADD children outgrow the condition, while the rest have it throughout their lives. ADD has many variants and no two conditions are the same. My son had almost all the criterias listed out in the DSM IV table used by professionals to help in the diagnosis of ADD, even before he was 6 years old. I also found out ADD could present itself with other coexisting conditions and one of them was..... depression. Bingo! To me it was the connection I was searching for, an important piece of the puzzle. Now it made sense. It was terribly frustrating that our family doctor did not agree that our son had ADD. He believed that it was just our son’s personality trait and that every one is different , etc. We basically agreed on the treatment for his clinical depression because I had read that antidepressants could also help ADD teens with sleeping problems. In a round about way, he was being treated for the ADD part which I knew in my heart of hearts he had.

My son struggled through his year at boarding school and I guess he found out that he couldn’t really cope. The academic system of grade points was too rigid for his studying style, managing himself and all his belongings were too much effort and the food was intolerable for him. Early morning calls caught him tired and sleepy because left to his own supervision, he had very very late nights. Of course this affected his health and his grades and after several family discussions and much deliberation, we all agreed it was better for him to come back.

Having him home brought us face to face with his ‘growing up pains’. Here was a teenager who had to deal with, not only raging hormones, but also depression and untreated ADD. The pressure of the impending SPM, the constant feeling of being misunderstood and unaccepted plus all the other insecurities that a teen suffers, all contributed to his rapid decline into major depression and suicidal ideation. The rate of deterioration was just unbelievable. I had always shared a close relationship with my son and it just broke my heart to see him hurting so badly. At this point in his life he needed more than whatever love and comfort that the family had to offer.... he needed acceptance as a person in his own right and respect from his peers and the rest of humanity.

We have seeked psychiatric help to deal with his depression though the medical community in general is still cautious about diagnosing children with ADD, especially when they appear intelligent. Since then we have moved on to another psychiatrist whom we are all more comfortable with. And thank God, the doctor has picked up my son’s underlying mental restlessness and pinned it down to ADD. He is currently taking medication for both depression and ADD and though the road to recovery seem long and winding, I have the greatest faith that we will make it.

I am sad that my son had to go through what he did. But the good thing is, it doesn’t have to be that way for everyone else! ADD can be managed. With early diagnosis and the proper knowledge most of what we went through could have been avoided. The primary symptoms of impulsivity, distractability and hyperactivity is easier to address as compared to the secondary problems of low self-esteem, anxiety and depression arising from untreated symptoms. Parents with hyperactive children please take note. If you have that certain gut feeling that something is not quite right with your child, go read up as much as you can on the matter. Seek professional help if you think its necessary even if family and friends come up with such things like “kids will be kids”, “they’d grow out of it” etc. etc. etc... Better careful than sorry. Though there are groups questioning the validity of this disorder, blaming it on bad parenting, ineffective education and everything else, families with ADD children know that the problem is very real. Spare your child the anguish of growing up constantly misunderstood and yourself the pain of helplessly standing by the sidelines. With early intervention and treatment, ADD can be a wonderful experience. Children with ADD more often than not have more than their fair share of creativity, sensitivity, intuition and intelligence. As testimony, there is this beautiful human being that is my son, and I admire and respect the courage he has shown us in managing his life against the odds.

SUGGESTED READING:

1.Driven to Distraction – ADD, Childhood through Adulthood.
By Edward M. Hallowell M.D. & John J Ratey M.D, TouchstonePublication.
Kinokuniya at RM 56.31

2.Overcoming Low Self Esteem- Self Help Guide using Cognitive Behavioral Techniques
By Melanie Fennel, Robinson Publication.
MPH at RM 42.90

3.Emotional Intelligence – Why it can matter more than IQ
By Daniel Goleman, Bantam Books.
SMART Bookstore at RM 32.90

4.The Great Big Book Of How To Study (Chapter 7:Time To Deal With ADHD)
By Ron Fry
SMART Bookstore at RM 32.90

RELATED WEBSITES:

1. http://www.chadd.org Children and Adults with ADHD

2. http://www.mentalhealth.com Internet Mental Health

3. http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/library/mentalhealth/home.html The US Surgeon General’s report on Mental Health.

4. http://adhd.kids.tripod.com ‘Outside the box’- helping misunderstood kids.

5. http://www.add.org Attention Deficit Disorder Association.

6. http://www.educational-psychologist.co.uk Free educational packages for learning difficulties.

ARTICLES FROM THE NET:

1.ADHD Booklet by National Institute of Mental Health
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/adhd.cfm

2.Life in Overdrive, a TIMES article
http://www.mentalhealth.com/mag1/p51-adhd.html

3.How it feels like to have ADD by Dr. Hallowell, M.D.
http://www.add.org/content/abc/hallowell.htm


[RK/embun/Archive/2002]

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