Oh datelines

With 3 tenders to go through and pre negotiation meeting set for tomorrow, i probably wont even have time for loo visits let alone write lol

It would be nice to share the tips i picked up from last nite's talk by Hushim Salleh, lecturer & caunselor for MU. It was arranged by the school's PIBG and topic of discussion was 'Keibubapaan Cemerlang' .

Laterzz.
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Ceramah Pendidikan Keibubapaan
oleh
Tuan Hj Hushim Salleh
-Pensyarah Kaunselor Universiti Malaya
-Kaunselor Berdaftar, Lembaga Kaunseling Malaysia.

TH Hushim's talk on parenting was quite interesting and he chose to have it delivered in an informal manner. being the experienced counselor that he is (he started off as a teacher, then a school caunselor and later became a lecturer in caunseling or something to that effect) i think he wanted to avoid putting the parents on the defensive because parenting, or to be more exact good parenting, can be a rather sensitive subject.

He started off with some shocking facts.... being on the Juvana Board brought him in close contact with teenage delinquents and what he found out was:

1. boys experiment with smoking as early as std 3 and usually take it up seriously once they hit secondary school.
2. boys (and a small percentage of girls) who smoke in form 1, 2 & 3 are most likely also trying out weed (ganja).
3. the latest nationwide fad is taking cough syrup in its pure, undiluted form.
4. teen girls are selling their 'wares' for only RM5.00 and when asked why they were doing it, the answer - saja suka2 & after all everyone they know are doing the same thing *shudder* the poor confused babies !!

From that point on he had our undivided attention.

In general.

- he went on to say that parents nowadays must equip themselves with some basic skills in caunseling & psychology to be effective.

- parents need to stop comparing their childhood with that of their children because times have changed and it would be unfair to expect it to remain so. whenever we make such comparisons it's most likely viewed as a fairy tale because the kids can never relate to it. eg "zaman babah dulu mana ada baju raya. wan & tok susah, baju sekolah yg baru tu lah jadi baju raya babah".... yes the kids will dengar sampai ternganga but they cant really fathom the depth of suffering & sacrifice that went on back then especially since they 've never had the opportunity of experiencing or witnesssing such a situation themselves.

- parents tak boleh membiarkan perasaan kecewa, putus asa atau dendam menguasai diri mereka dalam mendidik anak2.

- parental influence will start to wane once the teen hits secondary school and the child will start to turn more and more to his/her peers especially if the parents fail to make themselves accessible & available.

- one of the best ways to ensure the continued strengthening of familial bonds is to continue incorporating family activities well into the late teenage years. jgn biarkan wujud sebarang keperluan yg memungkinkan anak to seek his peers for guidance & knowledge because actually they're all still groping in the dark.

- parents must be steadfast during the teenage years (secondary school) because the kids will usually attain maturity once they head for college. i.e. secondary school laa time yg paling mencabar... sebab masa sekolah rendah pulak masih boleh disuruh dan dipujuk utk patuh pada arahan.

- parents mesti 'cemburu' pada anak2 supaya at least masih tahu who they go out with and where they're going.

- parents should balance the need for IQ and EQ because academic achievement and emotional intelligence are both equally important.

From the academic angle.

- set aside a scheduled time to check on the teens progress. a common place to start will be to check on the state of his homework.

- allocate a common study area for such purpose instead of going to his/her own room. bedrooms are usually associated with sleep & relaxation and where teen is most easily distracted.

- create suasana pembelajaran. the tried & tested way has always been keeping abreast of homework followed by lots and lots of latih tubi.

- be aware that pencapaian & motivasi berkait rapat. students who have slacked in their studies usually just give up because of the fear that they may never catch up. the teen's confidence level & semangat jatidiri masih goyah untuk menangani kegagalan dengan baik. so parents must make sure anak tak ketinggalan dlm matapelajaran. thus his/her achievement will be consistent and the level of motivation remains high.

- once problem sets in, parents should not start laying blame on anyone. jangan menuduh & mengungkit instead cari jalan penyelesaian secepat mungkin. identify the root cause and set to rectify the situation by providing suitable aid e.g. extra tuition classes or short motivational sessions.

- usually academic failure will also bring forth social problems. and the worst of all problems are drugs & sexual abuse.

From the emotional/spiritual angle.

- parents should train themselves to be good listeners.

- parents should encourage more touching; hugging & kissing between parent & child will help bridge whatever gap that might threaten to appear.

- parents should maintain a stable emotional state when dealing with teens. avoid reacting.

- parents should never forget their responsibilty as the teen's main role model. e.g. if a father must smoke, he should do so out of the house preferably w/out the teen's knowledge. dont cop out by saying 'you must listen to me but you musnt follow me' (duhh).

- teens especially boys, should be encouraged to be more active in their co-curriculum because unscheduled free time is an open invitation to all kinds of experimentation & misbehaviour.

- parents must follow up with continuous usaha, doa, puasa & solat hajat for the benefit of the teen and the whole family.

Now nobody said being a parent was easy lol ;)

The following is his '4 Tahap Pendidikan Awal' berasaskan saranan Rasulullah saw:

1 - 7 tahun: Didik secara bergurau

8 - 14 tahun: Didik anak melalui disiplin & tunjuk ajar.

15 - 21 tahun: Didik secara berkawan.

Selepas 21 tahun: Beri kebebasan untuk buat keputusan & bertindak.

I even bought his book (Anakku Sayang - panduan keibubapaan cemerlang) but it was more a show of support then anything else (pendek sangat.. more like a booklet). He did personally signed it though :) Of course being right in the middle of a weekday and malam somemore gave it enough reason for the lukewarm turnout tapi itu laa hakikatnya. like the man said, ibubapa yang selalunya datang ke majlis sebegini adalah ibubapa yang tidak mempunyai masalah sebenarnya. the ones yang betul2 bermasalah just dont bother. pelik kan? And as usual there's more women than men (i've given up rationalising on that issue). hubs himself kalau tak kerana merengkuk demam pun takkan datang gak lol. rasa its all beneath them? entahlah.