Junkie of sorts

Well whatdaya know..... looks like i'm a junkie now lol !!!!!!

Heh. sah lah dah :)

I've been feeling crappier than crap lately. sakit kepala, nauseous, moody semacam, tak senang duduk, tak puas bernafas, jittery giler. macam withdrawal symptoms plak (AH thinks i'm pregnant) lol but i've been getting my daily dose of caffeine, i dont smoke so it's nothing to do with nicotene, i dont drink so its not the alcohol. tak main laa benda2 berat yg lain.

?????

Then it hit me. the only variant in my usual routine is the break from running. daripada almost daily runs to just 2-3 x a week semenjak i had that bad bout of flu. so must be my body clamouring for endorphins, endorphins and more endorphins. i guess the ones released when the hubs & me go romping tak cukup kot lol.

So i decided to get my fix early today. Nekad, no matter what, i was going for my morning run. packed my office attire, fixed everyone the simplest of breakfast (oats/muesli/cereal), dropped off kid no. 2 at school before he could even say 'mama' and made a beeline for the tasik (i was already in my running gear with a jubah over it in case i ran into a glitch). i had to get the lap done in time to have my punchcard still registering black (or is it blue?!!).

Like i've mentioned several times before, nothing beats running in the morning ( 'cept probably a good lay but thats another story laa lol). the cool air, the warm (not hot) morning sun, the clear mind... all prerequisite to a good run and that oh so sublime endorphin rush !!!!

True enough i've been high the whole day. i know its only 5 pm but i'm still going strong. tak pening2, no nausea and everything's rosy *huge grin* even that mountain of files & reports needing my attention has failed to intimidate me.

Life is gooooooood.

** Running Log **

1 lap= about 4 km= 28 mins. sheesh, i really need to confirm the distance i'm dealing with.

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When i was freshening up in the ladies room (after a change of clothes), the bright lighting and big mirrors gave me ample opportunity to scrutinize myself.

Shit.

Usually its just slap on the moisturisers, loose powder, kohl, a dash of lipstick and i'm done. terkejar sana terkejar sini tak ambik masa to really look. Uughh, is that me?? adeh, jgn nak kata org, klu terserempak tgh malam i myself would be the first to run lol. i was very unfortunate to have suffered bad acne when i was growing up and degil plak tu, tak nak dengar nasihat. favourite pastime... keroteh jerawat and with a vengeance. it got so bad i had to see a skin specialist. several in fact. but it was aready too late and i bear the scars of my youth. i'm sooooo glad that none of the kids have acne as bad as mine. just your regular teenage zits thank god. it does nothing for your self-esteem.

Now on top of all that i'm also losing tone (where the hell did my jaw line go?!!). isnt it ironic? one can naturally tone up a body regardless of age (by exercising, weights, stretching) but have to resort to drastic measures when it comes to the face. nak buat face lift ongkosnya enggak ada sih (plus ngeri giler), botox same thing (including unresolved halal/haram issues), nak makan imedeen etc dah kes teruk lol so that leaves me with no other alternative but that of aging gracefully.

Weh... why do i feel its such a conciliatory statement. macam nak ambik hati je lol... boleh ke age gracefully ni ek? people say its more about how you are inside. yes i agree, hati mesti baik and when you're happy, contented, at peace with yourself and life, you'll have that glow. tapi kerepot tetap kerepot laa heheh :) just hope the important people in my life (especially the hubby) tak kisah. after all he's sagging and putting on lines too lol

Another thing. airconditioning is actually tough on the skin. tengok aje laa the results if you leave fresh bread lying about the room (sometimes i leave half eaten sandwiches or roti kaya after sahur lol). by morning jadi crispy toast... kering kontang!! imagine its effect on the skin, patut laa makin lama makin jadi macam shriveled prune !!! tak cukup kat rumah sambung kat ofis (skarang ni plak cuaca tersangat laa panas, klu tak pasang aircond meruap satu badan). hai, susah bila tau sebab musabab tapi tak boleh nak buat apa.

For now terpaksa pilih the lesser of 2 evils. nampak gayanya better prune face then panas naik ke kepala. or cari air-cond jenis baru yang supposedly tak mengeringkan tu. hmmmm.

Yup its not easy to grow old gracefully, not in a society or era where appearances does play an important part, even when platitudes are offered to the contrary. beautiful inside means beautiful outside. for those of us not so beautiful people, lets hope that holds true :)

But no matter what, life is still good.