The ADHD experience

I'd like to share something i wrote in 2002...... with the hope that some good can be gotten out of it, especially for people facing a similar situation.

I have a 17 year old son with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. Maybe you’ve heard of this condition or maybe you haven’t. But to arrive at his present diagnosis and treatment, we had to travel a long and traumatic road. It is my greatest wish that our story of this journey would in some way help others of similar fate here in Malaysia.

Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD comes with or without hyperactivity. It is a neurobiological disorder. The most recent research shows that the symptoms of ADD are caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. To understand how this disorder interferes with one’s ability to focus, sustain attention, and with memory formation and retrieval, it is important to understand how the brain communicates information. But to cut it all short, we’ll just zoom in straight to the neurotransmitters namely serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine. With ADD there is a flaw in the way the brain manages the neurotransmitter production, storage or flow, causing imbalances. There is either not enough of them, or the levels are not regulated, swinging wildly from high to low.

Typically, people with ADD have problems with following through on instructions, paying appropriate attention to what they need to attend to, seem not to listen, be disorganized, have poor handwriting, miss details, have trouble starting tasks or with tasks that require planning or long-term effort, appear to be easily distracted, or forgetful. In addition, some people with ADD can be fidgety, verbally impulsive, unable to wait their turn, and act on impulse regardless of consequences. But, not all people with ADD have all of these difficulties, nor all of the time.

Born with a congenital heart defect, my son was relatively healthy after undergoing corrective surgery at 6 months of age. In and out of hospitals, he grew up into a bright and inquisitive child. He had more than his fair share of childhood ‘mis’adventures, was an avid reader by 5 years and as much in his element at the library as he was at the toyshop... But most of all, he never could sit still! He was literally here, there and everywhere. He could not handle any kind of structured environment for long and that certainly created problems within a classroom setting. Irate and exasperated teachers became the norm for us. There was this hyperactive kid who wouldn’t stay in his seat, questioned everything and anything and thus disrupted the class. His work was sloppy, writing hardly legible, no sense of time or danger and he was forever losing things. Not for him the occasional lost pencil, eraser or ruler... No, not my son. In those early primary days, it was normal to see him with just a shoe or none at all. Or without his bag because he left it at the canteen, or somewhere! But then, at the same time he was also writing poems and novels (the latter of which have seldom reached successful completion!).

All along I had this nagging feeling that my husband and I needed to do something for our son. He was our eldest and we were terribly inexperienced parents. We had this bright kid with so much potential but who did not seem to thrive at school. We sent him to Bakagruv a couple of times under Dr Azman Wan Chik’s BAKA program and enrolled him in ‘summercamps’ to keep him occupied. We brought him to HUKM when he was 10 years to seek psychiatric evaluation but nothing came out of that. He was just another naughty and boisterous kid. Nobody took his hyperactivity seriously because of his intelligence. But life went on and my son continued to be misunderstood by all parties, myself included. In secondary school, his hyperactivity was no longer apparent. But his restlessness and inability to pay attention in class was a recurring theme during each report day. Teachers figured his inattentiveness was due to arrogance and a couldn’t care less attitude, peers found him weird and clueless on social cues. And we thought he was just lazy and unmotivated.

It all came out to the fore again after his PMR. Good grades landed him a place in a respectable boarding school. He was ecstatic, impatient to be on his own, away from the contraints of home and its ‘protective’ environment. We were happy for him though we had our reservations.... he was still terribly disorganized; had trouble completing homework or assignments, or studying for that matter and still extremely forgetful. But then, he was what he was and we didn’t know any better. Middle of last year our family doctor dropped a bombshell during one of our son’s regular check ups. He told us our son was suffering from depressive illness. I was shocked, now where did that suddenly spring from? He wasn’t showing any of the classic symptoms, which includes loss of interest and pleasure in ordinary activities, persistent sadness, crying, irritabilty. He seem to be enjoying his new school, his new found freedom. Other symptoms like difficulty in sleeping, concentrating, remembering, making decisions all had always been there as far back as I could remember. Somehow, I just couldn’t understand nor really accept the doctor’s diagnosis as it was. It just did not feel right.

So, apart from the limited information I was getting from our local sources, I turned to the internet and retrieved all that I could regarding depression. My foray led me to the mental health issues which in turn led me right back to hyperactivity or rather, Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. I came to learn that only about one third of ADD children outgrow the condition, while the rest have it throughout their lives. ADD has many variants and no two conditions are the same. My son had almost all the criterias listed out in the DSM IV table used by professionals to help in the diagnosis of ADD, even before he was 6 years old. I also found out ADD could present itself with other coexisting conditions and one of them was..... depression. Bingo! To me it was the connection I was searching for, an important piece of the puzzle. Now it made sense. It was terribly frustrating that our family doctor did not agree that our son had ADD. He believed that it was just our son’s personality trait and that every one is different , etc. We basically agreed on the treatment for his clinical depression because I had read that antidepressants could also help ADD teens with sleeping problems. In a round about way, he was being treated for the ADD part which I knew in my heart of hearts he had.

My son struggled through his year at boarding school and I guess he found out that he couldn’t really cope. The academic system of grade points was too rigid for his studying style, managing himself and all his belongings were too much effort and the food was intolerable for him. Early morning calls caught him tired and sleepy because left to his own supervision, he had very very late nights. Of course this affected his health and his grades and after several family discussions and much deliberation, we all agreed it was better for him to come back.

Having him home brought us face to face with his ‘growing up pains’. Here was a teenager who had to deal with, not only raging hormones, but also depression and untreated ADD. The pressure of the impending SPM, the constant feeling of being misunderstood and unaccepted plus all the other insecurities that a teen suffers, all contributed to his rapid decline into major depression and suicidal ideation. The rate of deterioration was just unbelievable. I had always shared a close relationship with my son and it just broke my heart to see him hurting so badly. At this point in his life he needed more than whatever love and comfort that the family had to offer.... he needed acceptance as a person in his own right and respect from his peers and the rest of humanity.

We have seeked psychiatric help to deal with his depression though the medical community in general is still cautious about diagnosing children with ADD, especially when they appear intelligent. Since then we have moved on to another psychiatrist whom we are all more comfortable with. And thank God, the doctor has picked up my son’s underlying mental restlessness and pinned it down to ADD. He is currently taking medication for both depression and ADD and though the road to recovery seem long and winding, I have the greatest faith that we will make it.

I am sad that my son had to go through what he did. But the good thing is, it doesn’t have to be that way for everyone else! ADD can be managed. With early diagnosis and the proper knowledge most of what we went through could have been avoided. The primary symptoms of impulsivity, distractability and hyperactivity is easier to address as compared to the secondary problems of low self-esteem, anxiety and depression arising from untreated symptoms. Parents with hyperactive children please take note. If you have that certain gut feeling that something is not quite right with your child, go read up as much as you can on the matter. Seek professional help if you think its necessary even if family and friends come up with such things like “kids will be kids”, “they’d grow out of it” etc. etc. etc... Better careful than sorry. Though there are groups questioning the validity of this disorder, blaming it on bad parenting, ineffective education and everything else, families with ADD children know that the problem is very real. Spare your child the anguish of growing up constantly misunderstood and yourself the pain of helplessly standing by the sidelines. With early intervention and treatment, ADD can be a wonderful experience. Children with ADD more often than not have more than their fair share of creativity, sensitivity, intuition and intelligence. As testimony, there is this beautiful human being that is my son, and I admire and respect the courage he has shown us in managing his life against the odds.

SUGGESTED READING:

1.Driven to Distraction – ADD, Childhood through Adulthood.
By Edward M. Hallowell M.D. & John J Ratey M.D, TouchstonePublication.
Kinokuniya at RM 56.31

2.Overcoming Low Self Esteem- Self Help Guide using Cognitive Behavioral Techniques
By Melanie Fennel, Robinson Publication.
MPH at RM 42.90

3.Emotional Intelligence – Why it can matter more than IQ
By Daniel Goleman, Bantam Books.
SMART Bookstore at RM 32.90

4.The Great Big Book Of How To Study (Chapter 7:Time To Deal With ADHD)
By Ron Fry
SMART Bookstore at RM 32.90

RELATED WEBSITES:

1. http://www.chadd.org Children and Adults with ADHD

2. http://www.mentalhealth.com Internet Mental Health

3. http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/library/mentalhealth/home.html The US Surgeon General’s report on Mental Health.

4. http://adhd.kids.tripod.com ‘Outside the box’- helping misunderstood kids.

5. http://www.add.org Attention Deficit Disorder Association.

6. http://www.educational-psychologist.co.uk Free educational packages for learning difficulties.

ARTICLES FROM THE NET:

1.ADHD Booklet by National Institute of Mental Health
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/adhd.cfm

2.Life in Overdrive, a TIMES article
http://www.mentalhealth.com/mag1/p51-adhd.html

3.How it feels like to have ADD by Dr. Hallowell, M.D.
http://www.add.org/content/abc/hallowell.htm


[RK/embun/Archive/2002]

Also available at:
http://familyplace.tmspublisher.com/topicOpen.cfm?id=B5DC67F1-DC1C-4874-B2E9DC9BD1A993FF

A first

Well theres a first for everything i guess.

After all this years and with the kids all grown, its the first time that this family's celebrating hari raya without the main man. feels wrong somehow and we were going about a little like lost sheeps for a while there. but thank god we've always been close.... we're now rallying each other. the kids have been awesome (thank you so so much darlings) and have been extremely supportive of their very 'poyo' mama. an occasion with the potential to leave me wallowing in sadness and misery has turned out to be ok after all :)

AF arrived the eve of raya. i had already 'tenggek'ed my rendang ayam and 'rebus'ed the ketupat earlier and planned to visit with the MIL that nite. found out that AF posa sunat isnin and only got to break fast on the bus with something or other. so goes without saying that he wanted to stay home and stuff his face. in the end it was only me and AH at the MIL's. of course she was also pining for her son but she allowed herself to be persuaded into eating the food that i brought (i'm lucky because she has always liked my cooking... get a man thru his mom's stomach hehehe). we stayed to bergebang till way past midnite. it was a healing time for restless hearts like ours.... i guess we needed each other bcoz we were missing the man and being together brought him that much closer.


Abe... heres the latest pic of ur 2 most fav gals heheh!!

Hari raya morning dawned bright and sunny. i was scared i'd be affected by the takbir raya and make a fool of myself in front of the kids; bawling my heart out like i did the 1st day he left. but again He showed me His mercy by giving me composure. kalau tak malu la gak kat bebudak, melalak kat masjid masa sembahyang raya.... org tua nangis memang buruk betul rupanye :) after i got thru the first hurdle everything else was plain sailing. berkumpul ramai2 at mek's as per usual but like i said before, what would i have done without the kids, without my darlings?!! boys, you are my pillars of strength and AH, thank you for doing what you did.....

My BILs have always been very helpful and supportive and Joe is especially close to AH because his daughter's the same age and the 2 cousins get along like a house on fire. knowing that AH must be missing her dad (anak abah) he offered to take AH along with him for the day.

"Jom ecah, ikut uncle... kita jalan2 beraya. petang nanti kita jumpa balik kat rumah uncle Olim", said Joe as he rumpled her hair. another BIL was having a birthday party for his youngest that evening and of course the whole clan was invited.

Smiling, my little girl looked over to me and replied, " Takpe la uncle... saya nak temankan mak saya yang lonely nih".

Of course everybody laughed at her quick retort, but i was so touched that my daughter was sensitive enough to consider my feelings. surely it was more fun for her to be galivanting about with her cousin. it made me feel sooooo loved. And yes kiddos, you're all without doubt the greatest joy of my life!

Love you to bits.... muaaaahhhh.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA QURBAN one and all.


** Caspian Newsflash**
Abe reports that theres been an unexpected occurence in ashgabat - the place is SNOWING!!!!! it hasnt snowed for years and even the locals are excited. hati2 main snow tu abe.... remembering our henniker days!!! :)

The lovable kiddos

AF's back and he's gone off to one utama with AI & arin, his best friend. they plan to hang out at MPH (is it really the biggest outlet in malaysia)? i find that up till now, the kiddos seem to be more of homebodies and not really into socialising..... but they do have a select group of loyal friends. yup, good friends are such an integral part of a complete and enriching life isnt it?

So that takes care of friday payers. would you believe how lazy the guyz can get!!!!! they would dwaddle about the house until the last minute (azan usually) and then beg me to send them off to the mosque - alasan, susah parking!!! ha ah, ngade sungguh. and i know what you're thinking... let them handle it la. yeah sure but the kids know just the right strings to pull and have me wound round their not so little fingers... when i let them la of course lol. i try to be accomodating but to a point and they're learning fast not to cross that line. people who dont really know me thinks i'm a control freak (its mak who actually holds that title). well, maybe back in those days when my kids were small and each were afflicted with quite major illnesess, but not anymore. i might look rough & tough but i'm not inside, so when the kids grew up and finally figured that out, they've been bullying me ever since lol but of course i've been fighting back ;)

I know AH wants to be with her bros but she has school. AF is her teman mengadu and AI is her teman bergurau. syukur sangat they are as thick as thieves.... sayang kalau ada adik beradik tapi tak rapat, such a waste. me, i didnt have anyone growing up and i can tell ya the loneliness sure sucks.

And talking about loneliness........ SIGH.

Nope we're not going into that.

** Running Log **

4km = 28 mins
Cooling down/Stretching = hardly 10 mins (too pressed for time)


bersama mu..

Jangan diucap selamat tinggal
Pada diriku yang menanti mu
Telah kau tunai seribu janji
Satu kau mungkiri... hidup bersama ku

Tidakkah kau kasihan
Kpd ku yg mengharapkan cinta mu
Mengalir airmata ku
Merintih dalam pilu bila kau berlalu

Serikan semula mahligai hati yg lara
Bertahun lama ku tunggu
Bertaut cinta yang satu
Berikan ku cinta
Sembuhkan luka lama
Selagi kasih membara
Daku setia selamanya

Jangan diucap perpisahan
Sayup suara mu membuangkan rindu
Pasrah ku dalam kerinduan
Kasih kepada mu subur di hatiku.

BERSAMA MU - Sarah

Rescheduling

Ok, time i rescheduled my days according to changes brought in by the new year.

- no more late afternoon runs... i get too pooped to be of any use and might as well take advantage of having NO kids going to morning classes, yay. AH's still in the afternoon session and AI's home doing, yes, nothing 'cept eat sleep and play his puter games, the lazy bugger. but whatever... i now have hassle free mornings *huge grin* and i can run all i want. would even like to keep a weekly tally if theres enough running done.

- gym visits only when i feel up to it... 2006 is going to be a stress free year.

- wak mon visits monthly, 1 session before the 1st week is out. too much prodding & pumelling might terputus ye ole urats la lol

- kumon once a week, just friday nites. AH's marking her own papers now.

- the rest of the weekdays, study sessions with AH 8.30 - 10.30 pm. for her - homework, for me - terjemahan quran/hadith.

- malam jumaat to be spent not only at the at the surau but the state mosque as well. just to spice things up a bit lol.

- movies alternate weeks

- bookstores alternate weeks

- library, tun uda/ksas weekly

- karaoke @ ksas with the kids when i get the blues

- osso thinking of taking up swimming again @ UiTM pool, on its 'ladies only' days but not so sure laa.... got to hunt for appropriate swimsuit summore, lazy lazy.

[ TO BE UPDATED ]


** Running Log **

1 lap plus = 4km= 30 mins.

It feels great to be running in the morning again... empowerment baby, yeah!!!!

Masih numero uno

Still not in the frame of mind to write anything that'll make sense... i'm missin' my man and missin' him bad.

When i first saw you i saw love..
And the first time you touched me i felt love..
And after all this time you're still the one i love.

Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come now baby
We might've took the long way
But we knew we'd get there someday
They said "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look as us holding on
We're still together still going strong.

You're still the one i run to
The one that i belong to.
You're the one i want for life.
You're still the one that i love
The only one i dream of
You're still the one i kiss goodnite.

Aint nothin' better
We beat the odds together
I'm glad we didnt listen
Look at what we would be missin'
They said "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong.

You're still the one i run to
The one that i belong to
You're the one i want for life
You're still the one that i love
The only one i dream of
You're still the one i kiss goodnite.

I'm so glad we made it
Look how far we've come my baby........


YOU'RE STILL THE ONE - Shania Twain

Missing you

To see you when i wake up
Is a gift i didnt think could be real
To know that you feel the same as i do
Is a three-fold, utopian dream
You do something to me that i cant explain
So would i be out of line if i said
I miss you..

I see your picture, i smell your skin
On the empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone a day
But already i'm wasting away
I know i'll see you again whether far or soon
But i need you to know that i care
And i miss you..



I MISS YOU - by Incubus.

Di ambang 2006

New year is coming in fast and the first thought that crosses my mind is will i see the end of it as i have 2005? if a marriage or relationship can go wrong in a million different ways so can our lives. death is certain and most times it comes without warning. i pray for a long, happy, healthy life.... not only for me but for family and friends. and that includes you too, my fellow bloggers.

I'm in a melancholic mood. tonite will be my last nite with Abe before he leaves for ashgabat tomorrow morning. i cant even begin to describe my feelings as i sit here and wait for him to return from his morning game. its like a dull ache and a slow bruising of the soul. i need to be with him, cant bear the thought of 'losing' him, yet another 'goodbye' is inevitable. such is the sacrifice that one makes in the name of practicality & rationality.

- its only practical that i take care of family & home while he takes care of business

- its only rational that we dont risk the children's health & future by moving to a country whose medical facilities & education is questionable.

But when is the heart ever really practical or rational ? How do i rid myself of this ache, this pain, this loneliness?

Friends have been endlessly teasing me about the sex (or lack of) but although i'm not saying it isnt important bcoz it is (gawd, the gnawing need that sometimes surface at the most inopportune times), its also the other stuff that 'old' married couples enjoy which i miss so much - the snoring that accompanies the snuggling, the bitching that laces the sharing, the grumpiness that follows the giving...... oh i could go on and on. but arising from all that familiarity, is the blessed acceptance of the many imperfections between 2 individuals and that sense of belonging.

I didnt have any roots and had me a wild & restless soul but then he came along and somehow... he grounds me; he's my akar tunjang. they say i'm a strong person but thing is, part of my strength comes from him. and though i carry on as indeed i must, he's taken a part of me with him. i grew up a soldier's daughter and to think i cut myself loose from everything & anything to do with the army just because i didnt want to be an 'isteri yg ditinggal2kan' !!

Am i optimistic of 2006? of course i am because i'm like that but it will certainly be hard managing with only half of me to call my own.


Neeways.... HAPPY NEW YEAR.

Energy zapping

i've almost forgotten how much i hate running in the late afternoon.

gawd, its just too much hard work. trust me, heat and humidity DO NOT go well with age!! after only a couple of metres into the lap and my energy was already depleting drastically. i felt like a sieve with the energy draining outta me in no time at all. by the end of my run, instead of feeling empowered, i was left feeling old and feeble. yuk, i know i'm old but i sure as hell dont have to be reminded of it lol.

all the more reason why i was quite surprised to find out that i was actually doing good time!!!

1 lap= 3.8 km = 25 mins :)

but i cant seem to kick this lethargy.

and the fact that the man will be leaving soon certainly isnt helping at all *HUGE SIGH*

Berpijak dibumi nyata

Woe is me.

It's very unfortunate that i've unintentionally caused 'heartache' to a fellow blogger's wife by sending out an email to him in response to an enquiry made at my blog. dayyum... i should've known better and just kept the comments between blogs. but being a makcik yg dah krepot and feeling ancient enough to be a mom to most of you, i thought nothing of sending out the email. i guess i crossed the line there and have hurt people. for that i am sorry. it was never my intention and its certainly a hard lesson learned.

But being a wife myself, i do know where she's coming from.

The relationship that a husband & wife share is actually very delicate and needs a lot of work on both sides to keep it not only going but going strong. we sometimes forget how fragile it is once the years pile up and start taking things for granted. there're so many things that can get in the way of a happy marriage so much so that if we keep focusing on the negative stuff, life will eventually come to a standstill.

I've been married for 22 years now and yes, it has been wonderful years... years for which i am deeply thankful. my dua is that it will remain this way forever. but coming from a broken family and growing up the way i did, i have no illusions whatsoever about it. i know that all the love, time and energy i've poured into this marriage does not at all guarantee that this happiness will last. without the Lord's blessing it could have turned any which way and even now, after all's been said and done, the only thing holding things harmoniously together is His mercy.

Can i rest on my laurels for the happy years spent together? heck no, because anything can happen. we wont know until we're tested. i worry that my hubby is away from me. and if i let my imagination run amok and think of what he could be doing in that big empty house, thousands of miles away from me & the kids, i get this gut wrenching pain that cuts away my breathing and leaves me incapacitated. and it takes almost all of my strength not to dwell on all the possibilities and to just carry on. after all, if things were destined to happen it could happen right here under my nose. relationships, like everything else, are never entirely within our control.

To me the greatest threat is not the many beautiful 'one of' hostesses or SYT's strutting all over the place. i am wary of the women that a man has to deal with every day; the face that he sees day in, day out and the interactions that he shares. because i believe that beauty is not necessarily the main attraction but its the intimacy or kemesraan that breaks down walls (if there was any to begin with) *huge sigh* its tough being a woman and tougher being a wife. we have to be supportive & understanding but on the other hand, we musnt be push overs. but where's the line that marks the two?

And the longer i'm married the greater is my struggle to find that elusive balance. harmony does not come easy. jangan terlalu curiga tetapi berwaspada. a certain amount of trust must be in place for it to be workable.

Lets pray for the Lord's continuous mercy on all of us.

Telor lady

alhamdulillah the nephew's wedding reception went well, give and take a couple of glitches. my bro in law can surely stand proud that he'd done his utmost in making his new menantu feel welcomed and a significant part of the big abdul rahman (my father in law) clan.

i was put in charge of the bunga telor and i've been seeing so much of it i swear if i got me another boiled egg i'd pulverize it to bits (and make yummy sandwich out of it la of course lol). weh, didnt think it could be so tiring making sure every guest got their bunga telor. i was the 'mandor' and had 6 'daro' at my disposal (quite a substantial number of assistants one might say) and during our last 'drill' i made sure they understood that the good name of their uncle depended on them - nobody was to go home without a bunga telor. heheh, by noon most of them were ready to give up specially during the lunch hour peak. groaning, moaning, sweating... maklum la anak2 manja semuanya, my daughter included lol. akhirnya mak daro ni la yang ended up doing the rounds hik hik. tu yang sampai ambik cuti cemas hari ni :)

the highlight of my day was meeting up with an old friend. F & B came with 5 of their 8 children and of course whenever i get the opportunity to meet up with the semsas gang, the years just seem to slip away and i'm that rowdy teen again (embarassing kan tapi nak buat camane?!). at least i had a most welcomed break from 'mandoring' lol

chewy had a real bad catfight the other day and try as we might we couldnt seem to locate any cuts or wounds (his long fur keeps getting in the way). but he was acting rather strangely right after that - snoozing all the time, refusing to eat and finally walking with a slight limp. we thought he must've terkehel his hindleg or something and it reached a point when i had to resort to force feeding the poor kitty. now that the bersanding's over and i wasnt working, i took him to the vet and what do you know..... he did have a small puncture, albeit deep, at his hindleg and it was developing pus. rupanya according to the vet if the wound is small it doesnt bleed but the spot will swell (thats when we thought it was bengkak disebabkan terkehel) and the pus will dribble out when its good and ready (eww).

so si mamat tu kena antibiotics shot and antiswelling shot on each side of his hindlegs. and we went home armed with iodine, creams, multivits, b complex and antibiotics. whoosh... rasa macam beranak kecik lak hehe.

then, it was AH's turn. ummm ha ah..... mak dia terlampau sibuk dan ralit sampai tak sempat nak beli buku sekolah anak daro dia *turning sebam red.... sebab makciks dont blush but turn sebam instead lol* it was close to 2.30 when we set out for her school bookstore and memang langkah kanan bcoz they were on the verge of closing. bought whatever textbook was available there (the exercise books with the school logo was the 'must have' item) and obtained the rest at tanjong bookstore down the road. again we were lucky because we managed to get everything. didnt they say something in the papers about some textbooks being sold out?! apapun, syukur dah selesai bab tu.

now i can just concentrate on getting together the stuff that Abe wants to bring over to turkmenistan.

Old friends

i'm actually still in shock.

i just had a call from the past. a friend from way back in primary school had suddenly turned up out of the blue. who would have thought that an opportunity to meet up with primary school friends would present itself now that i'm well in my 40's?!! i'm still in close contact with my semsas (secondary school) gang and we meet quite often but primary school!!!!! wow.

a group of them are trying to get the people together for a reunion and i salute their effort. it would be fun catching up on the latest and checking out what each of us have evolved into lol our last memories of one another would be so far back it would be almost impossible to figure out what we'd become.... for sure ada yang kembang, yang kecut, yang tinggi, yang pandak hehehe.

i went ransacking for old pics right after the call and the kids and i went into fits going through my black & white photos of yesteryears. i was tomboyish, flatchested and had a tummy heheh there were also a substantial number of pics showing me active in sports and school shows. hmm i'd forgotten about that part of my life. my friend even reminded me about the tarians we had put up for the school and the shows that we were invited to perform. wow... and to think i had forgotten all about it.

yup its true. old friendships dont die... they just shrivel up like trees in winter just waiting for spring to arrive.

Busy bzz bzz

Its a madhouse at the office with contractors all in a frenzy trying to make payment happen and its rather unfortunate that the red tape gets in the way of that. but the big players... they're not the least bit worried coz they're hardly affected. if you pull hard enough, the puppets will even do a jiggly for ya. i'll not elaborate but suffice to say i sometimes wonder who the big bosses actually work for.

i worked my butt off so that i could take off for a couple of days. the kids were getting a little restless but the main reason for abe being home is because of his seminars & forums. so, that took care of any long holiday plans. i didnt really much care coz it still meant having him home. but 2 nites ago i took leave from work because the kids wanted to spend time lazing about the hotel where he was having one of his forums. heh, it was kinda funny bcoz we were right slap bang in the middle of KL, not PD or Genting or anywere out of town but Le Meredien, KL Sentral lol. and if you were passing thru kl sentral anytime tuesday or wednesday you might have caught me bumming with the kids w/out a care in the world watching the trains/LRT's /monorails or what have u's passing by... macam takde kerja lain heheh.

The pool on the 8th floor was heavenly but AH was too lazy to try it out and i had no reason to be there on my own. the view of the lake garden from across the room was pretty enticing but i myself was too lazy to try it out. in the end, we found ourselves either bumming at the sentral/klcc or just pigging out in the room lol. i've definitely put on 1 solid kg from all this inactivity. and i even had the ultimate wet dream last nite, my body's reminder of what i was missing.... there i was running along the beach (my dreams are mostly of endlessly falling which i hate, or of endlessly running which i love lol) when suddenly i had this sudden energetic rush and was almost flying into the wind!!!!! whoa... best giler... to be that strong!!!!

The last time i went running was on sat & sun. oh and i did incorporate an hour of dancing with paula on sunday nite. and i was pretty surprised to wake up to aching muscles the next morning!! i honestly thought that all that running had made me rather flexible but seems that i've not been using the other muscles that i also had... heheh, uncomfortable laa jugak moving about. well, we learn new things about ourselves everyday dont we!

I'm back at work today just to finish up on some paperwork which i had promised the boss but i'm on leave again tomorrow. AF's going back to college on saturday and probably have tons of last minute things for me to settle so i might as well make myself accessible. theres also the nephew's reception on monday and that would make the weekend a busy one. then theres Abe's stuff to see to since he'll be leaving new year's eve and of course i'll be trying my darnedest best to be spending each precious moment with him.

Hmmmmm looks like i'll be spending more time dreaming about running then running itself lol

Have a good year's end people :)

FINALLY

Thank you good people of MBSA !!!!!

I didnt run yesterday and had the best surprise waiting for me when i went out this morning.

There i was pounding away (a little half hearted somehow... my running depends a lot on my moods) eyes downcast not particularly keen on making any eye contact, when i spied rather 'alien' (as in not being there before) markings on the pavement of the jogging track. it was a 4 digit number in dark blue ink/paint and already my heart started to berbunga sakan. could it be? did they finally decide to mark the distance covered by the track? was i finally going to have my wish granted this fine morning?

In a short while i spotted another number on the pavement.... 1850. YES!!! surely this was no coincidence. the number was definitely connected to the previous one but decreasing in denomination. heh, no problem... i reasoned i was just running in the opposite direction.

As i passed the restoran terapong, the laman budaya, pkns complex and wet world, the numbers i spied kept me in high spirits and i rushed merrily along wondering at the whereabouts of the starting point. then the horror set in. after i left the playground behind me i couldnt seem to locate anymore numbers. oh nooo.... dont tell me they only did it halfway!! worse, what if it was just useless numbers.. the crazy work of people who had nothing better to do? i didnt stop of course bcoz i needed to keep running if i wanted to be in time for work but i started to lose some 'steam'. before long my legs started to feel a little leaden (thats what happens laaa when the hati dah walang) but i quickly put a stop to all that negative thinking. I was sure the markings were there for one reason and one reason only..... to mark the distance for the joggers.

Where else can serious joggers be running in shah alam? the people in power had already taken the shah alam recreational park (that area beside the federal highway that used to house a football field, an awesome jogging track, tennis courts, squash courts, basketball courts, sepaktakraw courts; courts galore) and turned it into the worldwide business centre (oh what a huge loss that was *SIGH*). just like they've turned the old bt3 racing track into a housing area. wouldnt it help lessen the lumba haram tendencies if the mat rempits had a place to let loose? bagi sewa murah2 of course tapi think kebajikan juga laaaa sometimes and not just profits because city folks need places to let their hair down laaa.... kalu jadi sewel, mengamuk sana mengamuk sini, semua jadi susah gak.

Anyways to cut a long story short, i did find the starting point. its just before the small bridge that connects the back of the museum (beside the big concrete chess board that is now used as a skateboard area) to a corner of the state mosque. Ah the blessed numbers.... 3800/0.

Teka teki ku selama ini terjawab kini.

1 lap (or big loop) of the tasik shah alam= 3.8km.

Heh, no more "about 4 km" for me... its officially 3.8 km now and its marked every 50m in most areas. i can work up whatever distance i want from there, yay!!

A happier jogger you wont be meeting today *doing the jiggly* doesnt take much to make me happy eh lol!!

** Running Log **

1 lap= 3.8 km= 25 mins. (baru laaa exact & professional sounding skit heheh)

A slip of the mind

Talk about false alarms!!!!!!! the hubby had himself quite a scare today lol.

We had a late breakfast, more of a brunch. he was at the clinic earlier getting his blood sugar tested and because you needed to fast for that, by 10.30 am he was not just hungry, he was ravenous. he came zooming up to my office in no time and headed straight for his fav restaurant in TTDI Jaya (where else?). again, another full-blown kelantanese breakfast of nasi dage, ike, daging bakar, sambal sotong etc for him (which ended up into quite a heapful believe me.. macam nak gi bendang hehehe). me, i wasnt really into the nasi kelate thing so i had fried mee hoon (but with lots of 'accompaniments' lol).

Realising that i was down to my last twenty (the boyz were planning on a trip downtown so would definitely be 'pau'ing mom), we stopped at the bumi-comm ATM near makro. it was upon my return to the car that he was having this very very serious sounding conversation on the h/phone. i gathered from snatches of the conversation (one sided of course), that it was a call from the bank and that somebody had made him a guarantor for a car loan.

- name of owner didnt ring any bells, the address was unfamiliar whereas all the particulars about the hubby was correct, including copies of his mykad.

- the loan was for a kelisa and according to the bank officer, several payment was due.

problem was ... the hubby's absolutely clueless about all of it.

problem was ... he's probably been 'scammed' if theres such a word.

After a rather intense discussion, the hubby was advised to lodge a police report and armed with whatever info passed on to him, we went about it right away. all along the way to the police station, we both wrecked our brains over the owner's name. wasnt anyone from his side of the family, wasnt anyone from my side either. neither was it any of his friends but a naughty thought occured to me just then.

"Abe, i shouldnt be going with you you know," i said.

Surprised, he retorted, "why ever not?" (of course laa, should stand behind ur man in times of need, that sorta thing).

"For all u know kan, the police might be thinking ur just pretending laa. doing a report in front of the wife, probably ur mistress or something. u know laa those people at the balai see all kinds of funny stuff every day", said i hiding a smile (i love to tease the poor bugger hehe... tapi could be true pun for all i know). "Better i dont go laa, baru 100% authentic".

"Eh, mana pulak, pegi jer" but i could see he was starting to look rather thoughtful heh.

So we went through the whole reporting thing without a hitch and the police was very friendly and helpful. they even provided us with a printout of the latest info on the said owner. that was when the 'trouble' started lol.

"Oh, ada no IC baru kat sini", said the observant hubby. the one given by the bank was of the old 7 digit format.

"Ada alamat terbaru sekali................ EH!!!"

I was seating nearby on one of the distinctively uncomfortable chairs usually provided at these public places, thinking about the work i should be settling at the office. But that "Eh" got through to me... that particular tone could only mean one thing... something was not quite right.

I got up to peek at the printout.

"Alamat dia kat seksyen 19 laa sekarang," and there was this little furrow on his forehead. closer to home, and that somehow meant the odds that we knew the lady was increasing somewhat.

Still, no bells were ringing for either of us and after agreeing on the contents of the report, he paid up the RM 2.00 (cheap huh!!). i had a call by that time and was already out of the balai by the time he made his way to me.

And this rather embarrassed grin was starting to break up on his face !!!!

"Huh, i think i've finally figured out who's the owner", said the hubby as we got into the car.

"Laaa bang sape pulak? Kan dah report bagai?", i was quite surprised. didnt we deliberate long and hard enough?

As we pulled out of the station, the hubby was already calling someone and over the laughter and apologies, i finally gathered that it was 'L' , his officemate. seems that back in 2003 he had agreed to become the guarantor to L's wife and by the time we reached my office, he was already agreeing to scrape off the report.

"Haa... confirm laa my earlier observation abe weh," i said as i got off the car, smirking.

"Sah laa polis tu kata abang ada agenda. beria2 depan bini jer, pas tu bini takde gi cancel plak," tergelak tenguk his reaction... berkerut2 muka cek abe tu. serba salah pun ada, indignant pun ada.

"Eh, kalau camtu you ikut sekali laa," the poor guy was starting to look a little green around the edges (tu probably just my imagination laa lol).

"Alaa... abang kan macho man, peduli apa laaa diorang kata kan. lagipun pah dah lama laa takde kat ofis tu" i was hiding a snicker. the thought probably never even crossed the policemen's mind tadi tapi seronok gak mengenakan mr cool ni sekali sekala hehe.

"Hah, ok laa... i pegi dulu lah," wah, after the turn of a second, dapat semangat baru lak hang tuah nih lol.

With that we parted ways dan berakhirlah sudah "episod mengarut" pagi rabu. its good that we had the whole sorry mess sorted out in the end. and at least now i know for sure, i'm not the only one struggling with the 'memory senja' syndrome heheh.

Visiting ruskies

Abe got word that he was to meet up with the russian delegation and left home a little flustered this morning. still, flustered or not theres something about a man in a 3 piece that just gets to me (oh and tight jeans too for that matter) heheh.

Ur da man abe, go kick 'em butts !!!

Today i'm finally feeling back in the groove again.... fitness wise that is. since ramadhan, my workouts have been extremely sporadic and very unsatisfying. i was never one to lose any weight during the fasting month. late nite eating wrecks havoc with my metabolism and given my lusty appetite (everythings yummy yummy), the inconsistent exercising meant only one thing.... input greater than output. and we all know what that means (not to mention the lethargy) !!!

A lot of changes was also happening in my life all all along ramadhan and syawal, topmost on the list being Abe's move to turkmenistan. but i've gradually gotten back my equilibrium and its good to be feeling on top of things again. ermm, and lets just forget about the young russian assistant for now shall we?!!

Deep breaths now woman ;)

** Running Log **

gawd, i had me the best run in months this morning. i stuck to the new stride (though i had to push myself quite a bit) and managed to shear a couple of minutes off my usual 30 - 25 mins per lap.. yay!!! feeling strong though its probably just an illusion heheh neeways, i think the treadmill session helped.

1 lap= about 4 km= 20 mins + (was wearing a dress watch... no minute markings to be sure)

The usual

Its a public holiday in selangor and according to Abe its also a public hol in turkmenistan.

Another boring day in suburbia.

It feels like i've gone thru a lifetime of escalating prices.

Back in my hazy (as in dont quite remember) & lazy (was just a kid at kindy going age) days in si rusa army camp, PD, a drumstick ice cream cone used to cost just 50 cents. it was a luxury back then and i used to gobble lots of those as we strolled the beaches, me and my granny, beach bums that we were. the army quarters that we lived in was within walking distance of the beach and she loved fishing by the rocks.... all we had to do was cross the coastal road, which was nowhere as busy or dangerous as it is now.

Now lets fast forward to a nearer time zone. a couple of years back, a cart load of grocery (of basic household needs) at tops or giant used to be around RM 200 max, add on a couple of years and the same stuff cost about RM 300, and before you know it, its now double the original. The hubs and i do our monthly grocery at Giant Besar as we call it, the outlet at seksyen 13 (or is it 12) shah alam. we shop not just for our household but for my MIL as well so its quite normal for us to be pushing a cart each. its only been a couple of months back that we were coughing up around RM 700 (plus minus the odd buck or two) for the whole lot. today, we paid up RM 850 for the usual basic things. isnt it incredible that theres an increase already? and it hasnt even been a year!! i cant imagine what its going to be like for the kiddos.

Abe left for golf after lunch and since the weather looked like it was going to turn wicked by late afternoon, i decided to have a earlier than usual workout. its been awhile since i pounded the treadmill and it would help a lot in making sure i kept my strides consistent. i'm not too keen about the gym at KSAS because theres only 1 functioning treadmill there (and its usually occupied) and its a bloody waste of time to wait for my turn. lucky for me there wasnt anyone using it when i got there and i got to hog it for 40 mins muahahahaha !!! Feeling good :)

It agrieves me that none of the kiddoes show any interest in keeping fit beyond the frenetic use of their fingers. sigh, AF's heart would surely appreciate the loss of some kilos and AI's muscles would look pretty good all toned up. tapi mana boleh paksa2 !!! *double sigh*

** Running Log **

Time: 40 mins
Distance: 4.7 km
Speed: 7 - 8 km/hr
Incline: mostly 1
Cal burned: 340 kj

Lupa oh lupa

I think i'll be needing that reading glasses soon.

Worse case is when i'm at the clinic and i have to fill in my ING particulars on the forms. then its reading the labels at the pharmacies & supermarts. squinting doesnt help anymore lol. wouldnt mind those funky looking plastic frames though.

Another sign of age is losing the confidence of being sure about anything. many a time i've found myself caught in a situation totally different from what i had first envision. e.g. very sure of myself i'd abdamently be saying "ish i dah kunci laa kereta tu" and later finding out i hadnt. i did lock the car up for the nite but that was the nite before. repetitive things become a blur and superimposed onto each other. problem is, it feels so right when its all so wrong lol langsung tak bole percaye !!!

So, i just have to be more careful.

Like this morning, i had to cut my run short because i suddenly wasnt sure whether i had wound up the front windows or not. i told myself i did because it would be the automatic thing i'd do but the uncertainty kept nagging at me and i couldnt go on. *sigh* sure enough the windows were all up and the car nicely locked. but then i'm always plagued with the 'what ifs' now. but what to do... comes with the territory i guess.

** Running Log **

1 lap plus= about 6 km= 40 mins (kept to the new stride & pace during the 1st 4 km)

Narnia

Last nite the kiddos somehow managed to uproot their daddy from his fav spot in front of the telly and we all went trooping to Bukit Raja's TGV for the midnite show. the movie - The chronicles of Narnia of course. the man must have been either in a good mood or feeling guilty over something bcoz not only did he agree to the plan but also consented to sitting at the 3rd row from the front!!!!! he who would only watch movies at a comfortable position way back at the end of the theatre and right in the middle no less. hmmmmm.

The movie was ok i guess but typical disney.... and rather fairy tale'ish. nothing at all like LOTR or any of the hobbit tales. probably very unfair of me to expect otherwise but i did think there would be some similarities. instead i'm strongly reminded of the snow queen. ah well, at least AH enjoyed it (but she confessed it was largely because of edmund's bad boy persona).

Decided to forgo my run and slept in instead. after all Abe didnt have any game lined up and it was one of those rare mornings i get to enjoy a good snuggle. must remind myself to start on some strength training.... simple light weights to tone up ye olde muscles a bit. i need toning.

Attended a wedding reception at a neighbour's and was supposed to attend a doa selamat right after. one of Abe's friends was leaving for haj with his wife and it would have been your regular run of the mill kenduri..... except that the guy had earlier lied to his wife and all the golf cronies were supposed to be keeping mum about it. sheesh. seems that he was supposed to be playing golf the whole morning when in actual fact he was spending time with his 2nd wife (something the 1st one knew nothing about apparently). and because Abe didnt want me yakking my mouth off with the other wives and prolly let slip something (huh as if i would), he went alone.

I want my hubby to keep sharing with me these little secrets. that is the main reason why i dont meddle and poke my nose where i'm not supposed to. after all they are his friends and i dare not upset that guy-pact thing. i just hope Abe would be jantan enough to let me know when he suddenly decides one is not enough (pls god never i hope). i think for most women however painful the truth may be, its preferable to the lying. now that is the absolute in betrayal.

While i was waiting for him to return, Abe's younger bro called and wanted to know if we were up to a karaoke session after dinner. Of course we were game and the KSAS karaoke lounge was suitable for families... as long as the members were over 12. but the kiddos hate karaoke preferring to play their own music (yup i tend to agree that singing to live music is much more satisfying) so they ended up playing pool (or was it snooker) instead. hehe, the crowd in shah alam were mostly jam packed around the stadium for tv3's sureheboh carnival and there we were in our very own sureheboh lol.

it was fun letting our hair down like that. me, it didnt really matter, i just wanted to be with Abe.

Experiment

I love drizzly mornings. Not the type thats gloomy & squelchy but the ones where the rain is so fine that you dont really get wet from it. instead, you get that cool spring effect thats so invigorating especially when you're out running. Made this morning's run pretty enjoyable for me.

I'm always experimenting with my strides, pacing and breathing because running alone can get to be a little boring. i've been meaning to get myself an mp3 of sorts but until now i'm still just doing the zikir while i run lol (too many options and bcoz i dont wanna make the wrong choice, i delay making decisions). so, while i was trying out stuff i think i've discovered another pace thats comfortable for me.

My usual run consist mainly of a consistent short stride at an easy pace, one thats easy on my breathing - a very economical movement that allows me to get going for long periods of time. i usually slot in bursts of long strides at a quicker pace just to jolt the old ticker a little bit. i cant sustain the pace for long but i love the feeling of my legs strectching out to take in the longer stride.

I found out this morning that if i swung my arms out just so, and i stretched my legs out that much further, and took in a deeper breath, the movement automatically synchronized itself into a better, harder stride and pace. i tried my best to hold on to the movement, afraid that i might lose it before my body could adjust to the rhythm. and sure enough, before long i'd changed over to the new pace and it felt really goooooood.

Next couple of weeks will probably see me trying to incorporate more of that pace into my run. penat tapi i'm optimistic its feasible. my weakness is in my breathing.... any signs of semput will make me slow down automatically so i have to push myself sloooooowly. but i like the feeling that longer stride is giving me. its almost pleasurable to feel the muscles stretch.

Abe's seminar at PERMATA seem to be heating up alright lol. came back rather late last nite due to tasks and assignments. the man's been eating a lot since he came back.... missing home cooked fare no doubt since turkmen food sucks according to him (and he aint that good a cook either). i'm sure he's looking forward to the weekend ... probably already have golf marathons lined up.... another thing that he misses when hes stuck in ashgabat. but the kids have also made their own plans for him lol. we'll see what happens.


** Running Log **

1 lap= about 4 km= about 30 mins.

minimal warm up & cool down because work awaits ;)

A serious matter

The institution of marriage carries with it enormous responsibilities. one of it is to safeguard the secrets of all that goes on behind closed doors. one only confides when absolutely necessary. i guess that was what happened to my manja anak sedara when he decided to confide in me, rendering me quite speechless for a second at his daring (waa, feeling a little like barbara streisand in meet the parents 2 plak). one week into marriage and problems already maa?!!

*sigh* young men have got to realize how lucky they actually are in getting naive & innocent wives at this time and age. its like getting a clean slate and you colour it any which way you choose... custom made gitu. now, wanting them to be 'pros' in bed could actually backfire... after a while, you might start to wonder if all that know hoo is actually just from reading (you know how the imagination can run wild sometimes, sangka yg buruk2, tu tak kena ni tak kena). and of course this would bring a fresh set of worries pulak.

So, go slow and be patient laa. this is the time for exploration & discovery. tu laa aunty cakap jgn tenguk banyak sangat porn, kan expectation dah jadi giler2. sheeesh.

Ok, back on the home front things are pretty much laid back. the 3 kiddos have been holing in the boyz room for quite some time now - curtains drawn 24/7, aircon full blast, all focussed on something electronic or other. its games, anime, movie galore... time makan baru nampak batang hidung. AF's fast becoming a guni beras, AI's pale as a vampire and AH's all selekeh like. hish, bergaduh sakan baru nak mandi!!!! such is the state of affairs during the long december break.

I'm noticing a new trend. AF and AI has become really tight budddies.... alhamdulillah. used to be AF would be bullying his younger bro and would never take him seriously, not even for a minute. but now both the guyz are ganging up on AH and rough horsing her quite a bit, especially AF. after a one to one, the guyz confessed that their sis has grown up too fast and they find the fact that she's now girlfriend material to their friends quite disturbing!! lmao.... my poor boyz. they cant accept the fact that she's wearing make-up (actually just kohl around the eyes but what do brothers know anyway lol), that she's grown boobs and can look quite sexy, and that she talks & acts all feminine in front of other guyz. hey, thats what happens when adik turns dara la dudes lol.

AH in her defense says.... she always checks with ma about her dressing so they shouldnt be complaining (yup she does and its cool) and there are 2 choices when it comes to her behaviour with guyz - either she turns all feminine or she gets all gediq. of course the bros almost fainted at the mention of 'gediq'. seems that gediq gals are an absolute 'no' in their book.

lol budak2 nih macam2.


** Running Log **

Squeezed in a short run before work: 1 lap= about 4 km= 28 mins.

Return to the roost

HE'S Back !!!!!!!!

...... safe and sound and most importantly, all parts seem to be intact & functioning normally heheh.


* HUGE GRIN *

He's off golfing and would probly be away the whole day - payback for all the lost time in turkmenistan. the moment he touched down at KLIA his golf cronies were already waiting to pounce on his more then willing back. today its 36 holes, 2 games back to back. hmmph, tenguk laa balik nanti mesti sakit pinggang... kat green hero habis lol.

i celebrated the return of the rooster by rewarding myself with a 2 lap tasik run this morning.... heheh 8 km..... penat giler siot !!!!!!! but ever soooo satisfying and empowering :)


** Running Log **

2 laps= about 8 km= 55 mins

3 Day project

Weh... lelah. projek segera tak macam mee segera rupanya. So i did complete it in time for the hubs return (skit2 loose end here and there tak kira laa).

It all started with the lavender bedsheets so, my initial colour board looked like this:


Went curtain hunting and ended up with this:
Never realised purple was a hard colour to come by when its for curtains. I was hoping for ready made curtains initially but no way. even suitable curtain material was hard to come by and i only found what i was looking for after 4 stops. tu pun accidentally.... at one secluded corner of nagoya textiles. and surprisingly after all that searching, lucky me got the shade i wanted at bargain prices hehehe. but *sigh* sewing was not my forte and because mak's sewing machine was out of commission and the one i borrowed from a friend meragam, i ended up jahit tangan !!!!!!! the things one end up doing in moments of desperation... berpinar mata2.

And the result of my 3 day quickie makeover....

heh bolsters are banned from our bedroom (i want the hubby to peluk me not the bolster lol) so i always cut up the bolster cases and turn them into cushion covers instead.

accessories..
existing flowers... out with the blue roses and in with the purple.

the lovely lace outlet at SACC just happened to have lots of purple stuff on sale. ngeh.

Revamp

Heh.. i did it, i did it!!!!! *rubbing hands gleefully, mad grin pasted on face*

That was the most worthwhile lunch break i've had in years. sakit pinggang2 lol. for those of you who frequents jaya jusco, you'd know today's the last day of the so-called privillege shopping for j-card members. i've let my membership lapse for years but lucky me, a kind friend lent me her card along with the privillege invite (w/out which you wouldnt be getting any special discounts).

I'm no shopper (it makes me positively ill sometimes) but it was something i just had to do. how was i ever going to revamp my sad excuse of a bedroom if i didnt go out and buy myself stuff lol. so, since Abe's coming home this saturday what better timing eh?

I've been sick of the blue theme for quite some time now but alas, as usual, i'd given in to procrastination (the story of my life). Since its the season for weddings (cuti sekolah kan) and mags are full of nothing else i've allowed my head to be filled with rather grandiose ideas hehe..... ruffles, laces, ribbons... ahhhh the whole feminine thang (which i usually am not but hell, maybe its time i grooved to the sugar n spice and everything nice tune for a change lol). i was thinking soft lilac with splashes of deep rich purple here and there. hmmmm... maybe, maybe.

And when i walked into the bedlinen/soft furnishing dept, i promptly fell in love with the most beautiful set of bedsheets there (just my opinion laa). its lavender with just the right amount of frills and laces... exactly what i had in mind!! it wasnt really within my budget but then again, i thought what the heck... live dangerously woman, s-p-e-n-d lol. funny thing though, the salesperson thought i wanted it for a wedding (apparently ramai yg beli for that purpose), probly untuk anak or something but i told him, bukan tapi untuk pengantin tua hehehehe.

So these few nites, i guess i'll be rather occupied fixing the room up.

p.s. Oh lahleeeng ah... 3 days to go :)

Runs in the family?

Today AI is facing his worse nightmare - the dreaded chemistry paper!!!! cant really blame the guy. like him, i couldnt make much sense of it either lol. tapi bila dah science student, kenalah buat gak kan... and ma's duas are always with you kiddo.

By the end of the day AF would've completed his puasa 6 and i guess from now till friday (AI's last paper) i'll be fasting alone. we'll probly be 'celebrating' his preserverance at KSAS tonite, also an excuse for moi not to cook lol. the clubhouse is getting more run down by the minute but the foods still ok. something has to be done to save the place but i dont think the state govt's in any position to be saving anyone/anything right now. AH's cousin lina has been sleeping over for the past 2 nites which means i've been having 2 giggly teenagers as my teman tidur. i remember those days when i too had lots and lots to giggle about lol. the major topic being boyz - of course..... seems that AH's crush is now somewhere in trengganu but will be back by friday because he n his mates have a date with a haunted house!!! bebudak sekarang macam2... ada hati gak nak jadi ghostbusters lol.

The office is almost empty by now. most have gone to our pengarah's open house. a little late in syawal perhaps but he just got back from a trip to the US of A. when it comes to travelling, i dont think any of the other pengarahs can beat him. To each their own. Me, i'm in a rather murky mood... had to abort my run this morning. Couldnt find what i was looking for (one of Abe's account no.) and left the house later than usual. doesnt take much to skew an already very tight schedule.

Thus the glums.

Ah well.

p.s. Abe weh, 4 days and counting !!!!!!!!

... I hope you're doing fine out there without me
'Cause I'm not doing so good without you
The things I thought you'd never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood
So how could I have been so blind for all these years
Guess I only see the truth through all this fear
Living without you

And everything I have in this world
And all that i'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

I can't take another day without you '
Cause, baby, I could never make it on my own
I've been waiting so long just to hold you
And to be back in your arms where I belong
I'm sorry I can't always find the words to say
Everything I've ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

And everything I have in this world
All that i'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

As the days roll on I see
Time is standing still for me
And you're not here
I'm sorry I can't always find the words to say
Everything I've ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love.. x2

And everything I have in this world
And all that i'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

Here By Me - 3 doors down

'TER'sibuk

Weh !!!! its been awhile since i last blogged. theres been a lot of 'going ons' lately and to top that, once all 3 kids are home, my time at the pc is almost NIL. if its not one its the other lol and i'm guessing if the puter could scream we would all be deaf by now.

ok then... Highlights:

Friday 18/11/05 - Took a day's leave just so AI the Potter fanatic (who's also sitting for his spm) could watch the goblet of fire and get it out of his system.

Tuesday 22/11/05 - Took another day's leave to chaperone cik AH on her 1st group date at mid valley.... a huge group actually but there was only one person that mattered of course lol. Some of them went by the commuter, some by car and i ended up carting 2 of her girlfriends. Of course i made myself scarce once we got there (tapi ada laa intai skit2 heheh). whoa... it was a looooong day and my butt almost turned to stone by the end of it. i window shopped, ate, window shopped summore, read and even watched a movie - cello - the most boring scary movie i have ever had the misfortune to watch. it's korean and i thought mesti scary giler bcoz the asians have a way with the supernatural tapi BORING. but AH sure had a good time, i think ;)

Friday 25/11/05 - On leave from work again. This time for a big 'do'. Joe, the hubby's elder bro, was getting a brand new first 'menantu' heheh. It was the day that his eldest son got hitched.... and everything was settled after asar. A simple bernikah ceremony at the state mosque and tadaaaaaaa - a married man already lol. all the best reez dan semoga bahagia dunia akhirat.

Saturday 26/11/05 - The Bersanding ceremony at the bride's. Reez memang pandai cari isteri... the entourage just had to travel less than 10 mins because they both live in seksyen 8 lol. alhamdulillah everything went pretty smoothly, considering; lets not dwell upon the hiccups.

Sunday 27/11/05
- Had the chores taken care in record time and was lazing about relaxing with the kids (AF had decided on fasting) when we received word of mak long kiah's demise... al-fatihah. 'twas stroke, heart attack or something related. and though we wanted to go back to manjung, mak's still feeling under the weather and AI still has his spm papers. so i guess we'll just have to rely on mak ngah & pak ngah to sort things out over at the other end.
- Today is also moving day for Abe. seems that he'd managed to come up with a pretty decent deal: a 3 bedroom house complete with maid, gardener, security and check this out.... a car as well as driver!!! wow, never heard of a house rental that comes with its own car & driver before lol. things must be pretty peachy (or desperate, depending on which way you want to look at it) down in turkmenistan. fed up with the lousy food, Abe lost no time in getting some bachelors over to cook him mackerels (straight from the can i bet lol) ... his favourite!! yeah, he's a no fuss hubby *wink* but if anyone's starting to feel a smite sorry for the guy, just dont ok, bcoz the food may be lousy but dining out also means having belly dancers for entertainment!! sheesh... why is it that guyz always have all the fun ?!?!!

Abe if you're reading this, i'll post the pics soon ok - i'm off for a joint valuation in a while and i dont wanna be late :)

** Running Log **

Not running as much as i want to *sigh*

Sat & Sun - short evening runs around the tasik about 2 km just before maghrib. hmmm, asalkan buat. So today i made sure i woke up all geared up and ready to go.... and after the run, barely made it to the office with only 2 mins to spare. Pheww.

The usual - 1 lap: about 4 km: 30 mins bare minimum (cooling down not possible).

Pancit

Heh.

I've been fasting and running since monday and today's testament to the fact that i'm probably overdoing things a bit here. gawd pancit giler !!!!!!! i still managed to complete the full route within 30 mins tapi penat giler siot.

Sweating rivulets have never made me thirsty so i dont have any problems related to thirst. more like delipated body and depleted energy. hmmm... i guess i should give it a skip tomorrow and spend some aerobic time with katie smith or cindy crawford, or emulate paula abdul's dance moves instead.

But running serves a dual purpose for me. it's empowering and energising.. i used to be pretty lethargic most of the time. it ensures i get a good nites sleep (terpukang is more like it lol).. i used to have insomniacal tendencies and usually still up and about till the wee hours.

I'm facing old age and need my beauty sleep ;)

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** Running Log **

I drop AI off, run and punch in for work.

Mon - 1 lap= about 4 km= 25 mins ( i was feeling light on my feet).

Tues - 1 lap plus= about 4 km plus= 35 mins

Wed - 1 lap= about 4 km= 30 mins (but extremely hard going).

Stop whizzing will ya!

Everything around me is moving a little too fast to my liking right now.

I need to get my equilibrium back and fast.

I've been stuffing my face takde kesian punye - sumbat till i puke. and the only thing that can trigger this awful bout of bingeing is unresolved worry/trouble/anxiety. even though i've long buried my dark bullimic past, this is getting a little too close for comfort.

*deep calming breaths* come on you can do it.... face the serabut head on.

So Abe's away - but life goes on woman. even if you always get a little 'weng' or out of sync when he's not around for long periods of time, deal with it.

AI's spm - even though the old ticker skips a beat everytime you think about it, if he says its ok then its ok. insyallah, have faith and just carry on with the fasting and the solat sunnats.

Mak - she's always been the boss of her so even if she's not well and complaining of headaches, body aches etc, you'll never get her to see the doctor until she's ready. worry is useless... no means NO and forcing has NEVER worked.

SIL - even if she did have a mild stroke on monday, she's out of the woods now and has all her children looking after her. stop feeling bad about not visiting her, you'll see her when you can.

MIL - of course she's affected by all that has happened. the SIL's been living with her since she was widowed 2 years ago. and she also misses her son and worries about him no matter what you say. just keep dropping by daily to check on her and spend the nite when all is settled with mak and AI. she has others with less on their hands so let go of the guilt!!

Work - whatdaya expect? its year's end. buat ape yang termampu, do what you have to do.

To unserabut the serabut.

Hmmmmm.

You are not atlas and nobody expects you to hold up the world.

OK.

Latest pics of the furry ones

A follow up of the chewie & nico story.... their latest pics.

Chewbaca OGB (Opah's Golden Boy)... fat & lovable but definitely a scaredy cat. mak's favourite.

Nicholei OBB (One Ball Bandit)... playful, naughty, extremely manja, hunter of roaches & lizards.

... and you can guess who's favourite lol. since daddy's been away, they've been inseparable.

(Intermission: in between preparing lunch for my coz n family. its still raya)

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** Running Log **

Sadly, i couldnt squeeze in any running time this morning but just a short one before maghrib. i dont think i even hit the 2 km mark before the azan sounded but better than nothing i say.

yesterday, i logged in the usual 4 km :)

Older women

I think its heightened awareness or something. i read about it somewhere but i cant remember the details (typical me). its like you're in a packed stadium. you close your eyes and think of nothing but yellow shirts. once you open your eyes again, you'll find yourself suddenly surrounded by people in yellow shirts.... something you hadnt even noticed before.

Same thing when i found out that AF was suffering from hole in the heart or vsd. i wasnt even aware of the condition prior to it but suddenly i found myself literally bumping into so many other people with the same problem. Or the day you start driving a certain car.... suddenly the road seem to be flooded with the same model & colour lol. And other similar stuff.

Right now? Its about older women. i'm noticing the younger men around me are falling for older women. 2 nephews, a cousin plus 1 officemate. the thing is, they seem to be getting a lot of flak about it especially from their parents. i dunno... personally i dont think theres anything wrong with it so long as both parties are serious and equally aware of what they're getting into. i agree it does have the potential of being extremely challenging but what relationship doesnt? and we cant deny the fact that our beloved prophet did have a most rewarding and cherished union with khadijah.

I enjoy a good rapport with the younger people in our large extended family especially on the hubby's side but somehow that makes the older folks a little wary of me. *sigh* puhleeze, its not a popularity contest and i'm not out to score points.... i just empathize more with the kids, thats all. they're people too, with hopes & feelings and would love to be respected that little bit more.

A nephew thats very close to me is going thru a very hard time. he's trying to get over a terrible road accident... one that he had with his girlfriend, a girl his mom isnt too keen on to put it mildly. i dont know why (and he confesses he doesnt know either lol) but he's always been attracted to older girls and because his mom hates it, he goes about it secretly. its sad that he has to resort to slinking around and i have adviced him to either stop or have it out with his mom. apparently he has done neither and the accident brought everything out in the open. they both suffered serious injuries and involve a certain disfigurement to the girl's face.

The poor lad's been discouraged to see the girl and his mom is using everything she's got to break them up. i honestly dont think he was all that serious about the relationship to begin with, but the accident kinda changed things. i mean sharing a near death experience would naturally create some sort of special bond, a closeness. and i'm sure there's quite a measure of guilt thrown in regardless of whether its warranted or not. he has to be given the chance to face his feelings, examine it and hopefully make the right decisions as to where the relationship is headed. i've cautioned him that basing a relationship on guilt and sympathy alone was going to be disastrous. there has to be love. i still think denying him that certain freedom is only pushing him into a tight corner and isnt helping him one bit.

Now that he's up and about, he admits that they're seeing each other again but still without his mom's knowledge nor consent. again, i've adviced him to come clean but this time he says, he has his dad on his side so he's not too worried. *sigh* i still dont like it (i would be soo hurt if kept in the dark that way) and i personally think he's sitting on a time bomb. but i guess they know what they're doing and i can only pray that it would turn out well for all parties concerned.

People have been saying its easy for me to be open minded since its not my kid thats involved. i've spent some time really really thinking about it. yes i admit, if the boyz were dating an older girl i sure as hell would caution them to be very sure. such a relationship would have its own peculiarities and challenges and they'd have to be ascertive enough as a man to make it work. its ok if its just a couple of years separating them. i dont want to offend anyone but if the gap in years is too big, in the long run the men could be facing problems in the sexual aspect. they should anticipate the effects of their partner's menopause and be willing to make certain sacrifices. i know this for a fact because a close friend has made me his confidant in such matters and i can assure you that right now, the problems he's facing is pretty real. if one is contemplating marriage, there is much to consider. but i also feel that an older woman could be more understanding and supportive due to her experience & maturity and if that is what a man is seeking in a relationship, so be it.

And i still stand by the fact that, especially in the matters of the heart, we can only give our advice and opinion, the pros & the cons. because in the end, its all up to the person in question to determine their own happiness. and as parents, after absolving our responsibility in dispensing what we think is the right advice, we should stand by the children. it may be the right choice or it may not, but who's to know what the future holds? so, tak payah la pening2 sangat.... berusaha & berdoa and leave the rest in the all knowing hands of the AlMighty.

We made time for solat jemaah at the surau tonite. i've decided without Abe, the malam jumaat's would be spent with the rest of the jemaah at the surau. It would be something to do for me & the kids, and a break for AI who has been designated the new imam at home for maghrib & isya, a post that AF will be taking over once he's home for term break.

I've also gotten myself a new x-pax pact from celcom. seems that i can receive Abe's sms's via maxis but he hasnt been getting any of mine and the problem would only be resolved if i had a 019 line. so tadaaaaa..... mengalahkan towke babi (hehehe) i'm now going about with 2 h/phones lol

p.s. i sure am missing you hon

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** Running Log **

I was late leaving the house so just managed a short session this morning (otherwise i wouldnt have been able to punch in on time lol).

2 small laps (mosque route)= about 2.5 km= 20 mins

The Story of Chewie & Nico

Life's been that bit more colourful with the addition of the furry ones. More so now that Abe's not around, the kitties are doing more than their fair share of cheering up the kids (and me).

So let me write a little bit about how they happen to be in our lives.

My 3 kids have some form of allergy or other - AF has eczema, AI has asthma and AH sneezes and breaks out in rashes whenever she's in close contact with furry animals namely cats. Being animal lovers (which kid isnt?), they'd always wanted to have some sort of pet to call their own but because of the severity of their conditions, they had to contend with the occasional petting with the neighbour's cats, guinea pigs, mice or whatever.

Everytime they came to me with their pleas, my answer was always "wait till sya is in secondary school or until mama pencen" and even if they were not expecting anything else from me, they were still disappointed.

When AH hit 13 this year, i had no choice but to let them try it out. But my one condition was, if AH kept breaking up in rashes as before, we were to abort the whole thing and wait till i decided to pension off (which would probably defeat the whole purpose bcoz the kiddos would already be off somewhere anyway).

So, the moment the neighbourhood stray had her litter (she mates with the various persians that my neighbours seem to be having) we took our pick of the cutest & most playful. I wanted just one because it was after all going to be an experimental exercise of sorts, but mak said it was better if we took in a pair.... "boleh dia main2 sama" she said. And because i didnt want a female cat (takut beranak tak berenti) we took our time in choosing our 2 kitties.

To the best of our limited ability, we finally chose what looked like 2 male kitties (and of course at 3 months identifying their gender was not an easy thing to do lol). But during the ensuing frenzy of naming the furry ones, we reversed our opinion and agreed that probably one of them was a female after all. After much deliberation (the kids were just short of tearing each other's hair off lol), we finally named the greyish one nico (short for nicholas) and the brownish one megu (short for megumi-chan).

But when we hauled them to the vet (for fleas, kurap and whatever - they were pretty dirty strays), we were told that both were probably male but they were still too small to know for sure. So holding on to the fact that the kitties deserved a proper name at least, again we had another brainstorming session and megu became chewbaca. And much to our delight, as they slowly got used to us, we also noticed that AI's asthma was under control and AH was just sneezing occasionally.

As the kitties grew, we had another reversal of opinion.... chewie's genitals were getting more and more prominent and there was no doubting his gender but nico was starting to look more like a female with each passing day. we couldn't see anything resembling the familiar 'balls/nuts/scrotum' whatever!!!!! So we were faced with the same dilemma yet again, what on earth were we going call 'her' now? In the end we decided to keep it nico but short for nicotina instead (AF was smoking then thus the connection with nicotene).

So we had the gender thing settled once and for all, and when we brought them over to the Jabatan Haiwan's clinic for their shots, we registered them as such. And its been that way for their following visits - chewie's purging episode and the infected boil.

But guess what happended when we went over yesterday for their 2nd flu shot??? hehehe.... turned out nico actually is a male, just like we initially suspected way back when. And how did that come about you might say?

We've all been curious as to why nico's been practising these 'male mating' moves with chewy (vice versa) when he's supposed to be a female and why he's been caught by mak a couple of times peeing upright like a tom cat. was there such a thing as a 'tomboy' female feline, we wondered? The question remain unanswered until one day the kiddos (AI & AH) came to me with the idea that nico could just be '2 alam' i.e. both male & female at the same time. apparently they had found what looked like half a scrotum i.e. just 1 ball (they must've poked and prodded poor old nico to no end lol). so we highlighted the fact to the vet, and he confirmed the fact that nico was definitely a male and did have only 1 ball to his name. a little uncommon but not all that unusual it seems.

So nico is now officially nicholei (we feel its much more macho sounding than plain old nicholas and he does need all the help he can get with just 1 ball) and the proud owners of 2 male cats. We're done with the gender issue and the renaming lol.

Because, no matter what we already love them both to bits :)

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** Running Log **

Its my 1st day at work after a long Raya break, and since i dont have any kiddos to drop off, squeezing in a morning run was easy. But of course i couldnt afford any dilly dallying and it was a straight, no nonsense lap round the tasik.

1 lap= about 4 km= 25 mins (yee haa... a fast one for me).

New sleeping partner

Yes, i have a new one.... a spanking new sleeping partner. Now that Abe is away, an immediate substitute is absolutely necessary otherwise that empty space beside me would haunt me to no end and i might as well forget about having a restful nite ever again.

So, lucky for me AH has most graciously volunteered to help me get through my lonely nights (read: gleefully anticipating romping all over the big bed lol). She's already planning midnite movie marathons, anime sessions, read outs, etcetra, etcetra. It seems she has also invited the cats to share 'our' bed (i can just picture the horror on Abe's face lol). i woke up in the middle of the nite with nico under the comforter and chewy snuggling at my feet !!

I'd probably be having additional 'squatters' as well. The boyz have been known to bunk out on my floor now and then, but now it'd probably be more often than usual with everything that AH is planning.

Ah well, the more the merrier i'd say :)

p.s. I miss you lots you grumpy mumpy man you !!!

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** Running Log **

I've been pretty frustrated about my almost non existent running schedule during ramadhan but i guess things should be getting back to normal soon. I started doing my laps consistently again since monday and that means my regular dose of endorphins :)

Mon 7/11/05 - 1 lap plus= 4 km plus= 40 mins

Tues 8/11/05 - 1 lap= about 4 km= 30 mins

Selamat Menyambut Eidil Fitri

OOhh how i've wanted to log on and wish one and all the best Hari Raya possible.... but so much to do and sooooo little time!!!!!!!!!!!

Neeways Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir & Batin.

Warmest Regards,
Latiffa & Family.