Mothers & daughters

Its a delicate relationship that mothers & daughters share. its one of shared values & insights, of mutual support & comfort but...... its also one that can so easily turn into rivalry at any one time, on either side. by understanding each other only too well one can easily be very supportive or be very critical of each another. after all the maxim is, if i can do it so can you... we are women, one and the same so no excuses. oh, dont get me wrong, the love is always there but it can sometimes get lost in highly volatile situations. and i guess knowing full well whats in store for our daughters do tend to make us a little tough in our quest to prepare them for the 'worst'.

I had a rather bleak & desolate childhood. even before desperate housewives turned it into a fad, i was already going through a life of quiet desperation. although i was an only child, having a beautiful and totally self-absorbed mother turned my existence into nothing but an afterthought..... the whole universe centred around her. however hard my dad & granny tried to fight or deny it, the fact remained that she always came first. we were but her adoring slaves and through the endless manipulation & emotional blackmail, i learnt to accept it, to live with it but the scars remain. oohh i have long forgiven whatever wrong done to me both real & imaginary but its also not something i'm likely to forget.

If nothing else, it has made me adamant that i would try my darnedest to be sensitive to my childrens' feelings & to handle their self-esteem with extreme care. i know first hand how fragile a child's blossoming sense of self can be and how easy it would be to trample it to shambles. the challenge is in finding the right balance between being too open & being too rigid.

Children will be children, both endearing and exasperating lol. but from observation & experience, gender plays a certain part. i find the bond that exist between a boy and his mother is less fraught with undercurrents (not unlike that special bond a girl usually shares with her dad) in comparison to that of a girl and her mom. theres actually a wealth of information that a mother can pass on to her daughter but it all depends on whether theres a willingness in the giving & the taking... bertepuk sebelah tangan takkan menjadi and of course, there are mothers who dont even bother while others just care too much. her eagerness to impart knowledge & experience can be misconstrued as meddlesome and a daughter's hesitance in following advice can be viewed as disrespectful. so barriers are raised and opportunities are lost unless a way out is found. Probably the same goes for fathers & their sons - theres also a greater tendency for them to be at loggerheads with one another.

lord, i hope soo much to be a good mom, a better parent because i love the kiddos so. but i am also aware that love without commitment can be quite disastrous and i'm praying hard for the wisdom to be doing this right. the boys are my strength while sweet AH is my youth and right now i'm having so much fun revisiting it with her lol. even if there'll be rocky days ahead (lidah lagi kan tergigit) we will see it through with our respect & dignity intact, insyaallah.

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I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
And she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on the steps with my heart in my hand
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters, too

Ooh, you see that skin
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters, too

Boys you can break
You find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong and boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without warmth from a woman's good, good heart
On behalf of every man, looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
So mothers be good to your daughters, too


Daughters
by John Mayer

Blessed rain

Alhamdulillah. panas2 pun akhirnya hujan jua dan dengannya di bawa pergi sekelumit lagi kesan jerebu yg masih bertandang.

Nothing special.... just another ordinary day. namun hamba Mu tetap bersyukur diberi rahmat untuk terus menikmati suka duka kehidupan ini.

Golfman masih tak berapa sihat tapi siapa yang dapat pisahkan dia dengan golfnya ?!! lepas balik main terus KO. apo nak di kato ?!! tepuk dada tanya selera. the kids selalu marah mama.... 'you shouldnt let babah play laa ma", or "you shouldnt let babah makan roti manis tu ma, he's diabetic", or "you should stop him taking ribena tu ma tak elok". fyi bebudak, there is such a thing as mutual respect... see, all mama can do is remind your babah of his condition, the rest is up to him. if he still insist on doing certain things, its his decision as the waras & mature adult. we have to respect that. and after all i am his wife, not a nag nor am i his mother.

Ya, bila sakit mama gak yg susah tapi sikit je... paling2 pun sebelum makan ubat, ma kena suap nasi dulu baru nak makan. mengada2 you say?!! now kids, it is his right as the head of the family to mengada2 or whatever ;)

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** Treadmill Log **

Incline: 1 - 2
Time: 45 mins
Speed: 7 - 8 and spurts of 9
Distance: 5.5 km
Calories burned: 370 kj

Manning the ship.

Man's home half semput, mak's down with fever, kid no. 1 reports the same all the way from sg petani, kid no. 2 is in bed with asthma and kid no. 3 has cough & running nose.

Yes world, i am left manning the ship yet again !!!

What can i say ?! i guess i'm blessed with the constitution of an ox and the stamina to keep slogging on. but that doesnt mean i dont have my 'off' days. would you believe i have often wished (many many times) that i'd suddenly fall in a dead faint (dekat somewhere soft & cushiony laa preferably lol) just so people around here would realise that i'm also human and start taking my aches & pains seriously !!

Anyway i'm not really griping laa just story2 je ok lol. Because i get to be home on a monday !!!!! i did drop by the office first thing just to make sure an important letter is out before noon and also to let the bosses know they wont be having the pleasure of my company today (heheh 'pleasure' my foot). but after getting the 'sick ones' their fav food (only then would they even consider taking their meds) and taking care of my other chores, i do get to sit at my most fav spot on earth (to read, relax, ponder, snooze)... my veranda. not big by any standard but where the green and the slight breeze is enough to calm my often frayed nerves.

Hah... i hear noise... someone must be wanting something or other so adios for now :)

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Heh, jest lookit that !!! thats chewy at a main corner of my lounge, a place he has claimed as his very own (and since the kitties i can kiss colour coordinated stuff goodbye) lol

he's a garfield wannabe and even at 4 months i think hes halfway there. but hes a chicken at heart though. his lil bro nico is made of sterner stuff.


Now check this out lol...

these 2 pics were taken about 1 minute apart. i was snapping away from different angles when suddenly chewy turned to nico and walla.....

berpeluk laa plak lol !!

Clear skies?

Thank you Lord for this 2 days of clear (if not so blue yet) skies. no more smoke filled lungs even if i'm not even sneaking a puff. no more having to stay indoors because its hazardous. no more going nuts with all this repressed energy.

Yup my son confirms the haze has moved up north. Sg petani is now enveloped in smoke but probably not as bad as it was here in klang valley a couple of days back. * sigh* are we going to be victims of unmonitored burning forever?

Yesterday i was surprised to see most of the shah alam parks filled with people, they were out in droves!! come to think of it i really shouldnt have been... semua org mengambil kesempatan utk menikmati udara yg telah beransur pulih. who knows how long it'll last! families filled the dataran merdeka fields, the lake even dataran shah alam. it felt like a party. oh and to mark the occasion i got to meet up with a classmate i havent seen for the past 27 years!!!! of course being a sabahan and running a business in his hometown didnt help. the possibility of bumping into each other was almost non existent lol. well, another classmate arranged for a small get together at kenny rogers alam sentral shah alam and about 10 of us turned up. it was fun rehashing old stories and for a minute there we were all kids again.... goes to show the soul never really grows old, just the body. and a much altered body at that lol.

Yay... i'm back to pounding the pavements again :)

Yesterday i only managed a lap round the tasik because it was already late and i did have to keep that 'date' with my classmates. so that made it a measly 4 km but hey its better than nothin' ;).

This morning i got out in the wake of golfman (he tees off pretty early) and really made the most outta my run. even took my own sweet time to warm up and cool down. lepas geram terperuk kat rumah for the past 3-4 days lol


** Pavement pounding Log **

1st lap= about 4km= 25 mins
2nd lap= about 4km= 32 mins
total= 8km= 57 mins

I hope to keep this up since i'm training to keep it under 60 mins. the qualifying time for putrajaya is 1 hr 10 mins (still havent registered yet). but problem is i can suddenly get all puncit on certain days. must try to be consistent.

Tally at week's end: about 17 km.

Checkpoints

when at a loss..

- go back to basics
- check priorities
and when theres no way out,
- pick the lesser of 2 evils.

Kewujudan

Sakit kepala.

Loya.

I'm not predisposed to ailments. not the type to let little things like headaches, colds, slight fevers get in the way of what has to be done. not the type to take meds lightly either for they just cloud my judgement and slow me down. only if absolutely necessary. a soldier's daughter slogs on.

When i was younger it was imperative that i figure out who & what i was supposed to be and the reason for my existence. that it had to be something earthshaking & mindboggling or meaningful at the very least. and that i just had to find the answer otherwise my life would be rendered useless or so i thought. in this society where a makcik (especially one well over 40) is expected to be a makcik... well mannered & proper, worldly & wise... i'm openly declaring that this makcik still doesnt know for sure the answer to all those deep soul-baring questions. nope, years do not necessarily make you all the wiser, at least not for me. but i have figured out one thing though.... that its actually OK not to be certain. that theres actually nothing wrong with me. that God only bestows that certainty of purpose and the inner peace that comes with it to a chosen few. that HE knows best and everything happens for a reason.

So i'm not here to discover that illusive cure for the common cold or cancer or aids... i'm not here to save the ozone layer nor here to lead the muslimah. OK then. i have my family & friends and in my own small sphere of existence, i suppose i am making a difference. somewhere along the way i've discovered a flair for being the middleman (or rather woman). yup, the family mediator, thats me.... between mak & hubby (after all these years they still hate each other's guts), between my kids & mak (she keeps picking on them when all they need is space to grow), between hubby & the kids (he's first instinct is to react, react, react), between my stepmom/bros/sis & mak (lets not open that can of worms right now), between my hubby and his eldest brother (when 2 great egos collide).

I suppose if thats what the MIGHTY one has in mind for me, who am i to question? :) oh i dont kid myself into thinking i'm indispensable. i've no doubts whatsoever that if i'm wiped out from the face of this earth, the man will remarry, the kids will survive and mak will have my house to live out the rest of her days with her cronies. after all life goes on. but in the meantime i'll just keep on doing what i seem to be doing best.

Aaarghh... this sakit kepala is not getting any better. jerebu oh jerebu !!!!

More haze.

Even my kitties are staying indoors and thats a lot to say about the haze. mana ada anak kucing yang tak suka mengelewak kat luor tu !!!!! Seems port klang has already hit the API 500 ++ mark and they still havent declared darurat yet have they?!! hmm .. that means shah alam must be somewhere in the province of API 400 +++++

The API's are one thing but out there the evidence is 'crystal clear' ;) i could hardly see more than 2-3 cars ahead of me when i was home for lunchbreak. and unfortunately for me, i have a kid to pick up at the jalan duta bus terminal right after work. selalunya boleh duduk diam2 je kat shah alam where i can get most of what i need... tup tup today of all days kena lak ambik si bang long yg tetiba windu nak balik... ish ish ish. hope i dont get stuck anywhere along the peak hour exodus going in & out the city.

I'm thinking my cek abe memang nak menempah sakit. would you believe that he has a game lined up this evening !!!! i'm left to wonder nampak ke bola golf jerebu2 ni... pas tu nite golfing somemore?!! and i'm talking about a guy who has asthma & who needs regular puffs of becotide & ventolin. somehow it seems quite apt that i borrow his own oft repeated words "stupidity knows no limit" LMAO. hai nak buat camane kan, nak lepuk dah bapak org, nak bising2 its just not my style so kita tunggu dan lihat je laa. malam jumaat pulak tu... seronok gak klu memeriahkan surau & masjid kan (among other things) lol. apa2pun he's still my goofy grumpy lovable golf nut :)

Oohh... how i'm dreading this ride into the hazy city (walaupun outskirts je sebenor2 nya). dan nampaknya kena laa berbuka dlm kereta je nanti. alahaaaaai !!!

Everything's hazy

If i knew it was going to turn out this bad i would have stopped AI from going to school just like i did with AH. he's the one with asthma but thank god so far he seems to be holding up. i remember those days when he was younger... leaving the house for a 24 hr clinic in the wee hours of the morning was almost routine for us then.

I wonder why the pengetuas are not using the powers given to them to declare it unfit for school? can it be anything but a health hazard when you can literally taste the smoke? and the school authorities have the cheek to say 'tak datang sekolah pun tak pe' ?!!! *sigh* somebody pls have the balls to close down the schools for the time being. AI was telling me, "ma, masa kitorang kat library nampak kat luar macam scary movie... mula2 minaret masjid kena telan (his school sits atop a hill overlooking the state mosque), lepas tu the SUK building pulak (where my office is located), then concord started disappearing, lepas tu mall pun mula nak kabur. dasyat ma!!!!" . must have been quite a diversion lol

The latest news: visibility is less than 1 km. API: shah alam 349 and kl 276. hmmm... my cek abe will have to wade his way through the thick haze and i hope everyone remembers to drive safe. klu hujan senang skit ada gak wiper tapi klu haze, would the fog light be effective enough i wonder?

Of course the haze also means i can forget about running. its back to paula & jane for now i suppose. oh, i did get to visit wak mon ironfingers during my lunch break...... feeeling goooooood :)

Have you been prodded & pummelled by your fav masseuese lately lol?

I gotta go.... the haze is making me slightly nauseous (and as usual AH is very, i repeat, very concerned whenever her mama gets pening2.... takut sgt dapat adik ekekeh). which is bloody unlikely, unless we factor in Divine Intervention of course lol

Something keeps pushing me on.

I've always had these dreams of running effortlessly; on winged feet, cool wind rushing over face & hair, across serene countryside & beautiful beaches... and each time i'll wake up to that euphoric yet unsatisfied feeling one gets from dreaming the impossible dream (much like the fantasy of having hugh jackman aka wolverine, my fav hunk of all time, totally at my beck & call lol).

Probably my inner self expressing a need to escape the humdrum of everyday living, the 'mundane'ness of a dull 'scheduled' existence... a sure fire recipe for getting into a rut. Dunno. But what i do know is, without any conscious effort on my part, running has somehow become an important part of my life right now. lol, the timing isnt too great i know, especially since i'm over forty and have to deal with creaky joints and such, but surpringly it has also given me much pleasure & satisfaction (ohh and not to mention the more than occasional pain lol).

August to august.... it has now been a year of consistently jogging & running my saggy butt off lol. and i honestly dont know what it is thats pushing me on. its soooo easy to just skip it and get on with my reading instead, settle down on my comfy sofa, put my feet up and have all sorts of imaginable tidbits & long cool drinks at my disposal. tapiiiiii..... i have found that nothing really beats that 'all sweat out, kinda pooped but great to be alive' feeling one gets by exerting oneself to a point just beyond one's comfort level.

Try it. after the initial inertia, you'll be pleasantly surprised.

I also need to review my diet & eating habits if i'm going to do this the right way. i'm starting to get tired much faster now that i'm building up to 8 km. i cant continue being too calorie conscious because i'm now expending quite a lot of energy. what i need to do is to pack in enough to generate the required energy level.... both in the correct amount and the correct choice of food. Ooohh its going to feel quite sinful not to be minding too much about what i'm eating. i've been doing battles with this voracious appetite for as long as i can remember lol

Basic NUTRITION facts for Runners (and wannabes like me lol)

.. 2000 or more calories spread over the day in accordance with when we need energy
.. Give in to nutritious cravings, but tough out the need for a donut.
.. Try to have a 50% carb, 20% protien, 30% fat ratio.
.. 10 servings of grains per day
.. 7 of fruit
.. 4 of vegetables
.. 5-6 oz of lean meat or 2-3 servings of soy
.. 3 servings of lowfat milk products
.. 2-3 servings per week of a fatty fish (or uncooked flaxseed oil) to get your omega-3 fats
.. Low fat is just as bad as high fat
.. Water, water, water and more water
.. No soda.

in addition,

When?
If you think of your energy needs on an hourly basis instead of a daily basis, you may realize that your eating your biggest meal and then doing nothing, whereas you hardly eat at all before your runs. This isn’t a useful way to eat. You should eat a bigger breakfast and lunch and a smaller dinner, as well as snacks at the right time. For instance, if you plan to go to work, run, then come home and relax. You would want to eat a nice hardy breakfast to get you started, have a medium sized lunch and then have an energy-packed snack about ½ hour before your run. Then you can have a smaller dinner to help your after-run recovery. So, think about when you need the energy and plan your meals and snacks accordingly.

How Often?
If you run daily, you can expect to need to eat about every 3-5 hours. Even if you don’t run daily, 5 hours is an acceptable amount of time between meals/snacks. It’s important that you avoid long periods without eating to avoid wide swings in your blood sugar levels, which aren’t good for your body or your running. If you commit to eating every 3-4 hours and plan ahead to have healthy foods when you need them, it is much easier to make the commitment to eat healthier and stay away from the vending machine. Remember, skipping meals or skimping on calories does not support the goal of training with adequately fueled muscles.

How Much?
As a runner, our bodies need more fuel, thus more food, than the average sedentary person. It is a good assumption that if you are running 15 or more miles per week, you should not be consuming less than 2000 calories per day, even if you are trying to lose weight. (Remember, when you eat them during the day is important too.) If you running 25 miles per week you should average closer to 2500 calories a day.

Basic HYDRATION facts for Runners

Hydration is usually left out of nutrition, but it shouldn’t be. Being well hydrated is a must for runners. 60-70% of our bodies are made of water. And, during exercise, our body produces more heat, thus causing sweat to cool us down. When we sweat out our water supply, we must consume more water to keep our core temperature down.

Water has also been proven to aid in weight loss. It helps you feel full while eating less, quenches thirst without adding calories, and allows your body to function at its top capability. 70% of our muscles are made of water. Being hydrated helps give muscles that toned, muscular look so many people desire. Metabolism is a chemical process that requires water,which means if you are dehydrated you will not be burning calories as efficiently, whether you are sleeping or running. Water is equally important for your skin. Being hydrated will help your skin look (and be) healthy.

If you run for 60 min or less, water alone should be fine to keep you hydrated. If you run for more than an hour at a time, you’ll need to replenish electrolyte as well. (Sports drinks and energy gels usually have enough electrolytes to keep you covered.) Doing this will improve your performance by delaying dehydration and maintaining a high blood-sugar level during exercise. It also lowers the risk of catching a cold by boosting your immune system.

So when choosing beverages, remember these things:
.. Water is almost always your best option.
.. Tea (noncaffienated and unsweetened) and juice (juice not cocktail drinks) are good alternatives, though, when you just need something else. Sports drinks are also good for your body, especially during and after runs.
.. Coffee and alcohol don’t need to be nixed completely but be taken in very small amounts. 2 cups of coffee a day isn’t going to help your body at all. Neither will two beers.
.. As far as bad options, that you really should stay away from, soda is at the top of the list. While you probably aren’t going to drop dead from drinking a Pepsi, it is doing nothing for you and, under normal circumstances, is more harmful for your body than any of the other drinks listed here.

Well, i dunno how long i'll be able to keep doing this but i'm hoping to put in another couple of years before the old knee & ankle start protesting loud enough to finally be heard lol. in the meantime, this runner wannabe will continue slogging her merry old way. no doubt much much slower than the rest of the pack but i would like to think, steady enough not to be an embarrassment ;)

Oh shoot.... today's haze is the worse to hit shah alam yet. nasib baik its gym time at maksak today. really terrible terrible haze... boleh terhidu bau asapnya. those poor kids at school. hope the teachers have more sense than to keep them outside.

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** Treadmill Log **

Time: 45 mins
Incline: 1
Speed: 7 - 8
Distance: 5.4 km
Calories burned: 360 kj

Gimme 5

We were lazing about drinking ice cool milo each doing our own stuff (i was reading, AH was writing & AI was teasing the kitties) when i brought up the subject of The Prophet's 5 before 5 hadith (diriwayatkan oleh Imam Al-Hakim dan Imam Al-Baihaqi daripada Ibnu Abbas Radiallahu-Anhuma) i.e.

Pergunakanlah lima kesempatan sebelum datangnya lima kesempitan :
.. kesempatan sihat mu sebelum datang sakitmu.
.. kesempatan lapang mu sebelum datang masa sibuk mu.
.. kesempatan hari muda mu sebelum datang hari tuamu.
.. kesempatan waktu engkau kaya sebelum datang kemiskinanmu.
.. kesempatan masa hidup mu sebelum datang saat kematianmu.

And i added ... kesempatan belajar mu sebelum datang spm mu... see, i'm using every opportunity possible to drive in that fact to my liat, malas, but otherwise very ok son.

After everyone shared their thoughts on the matter, i told my daughter, "Yang, kita orang perempuan ada our own 5 to deal with as we get along in life" and as usual whenever theres any hint of 'citer org pompuan' my son would suddenly pretend disinterest but i could literally see his ears perking up lol.

I call it the 5 Ms :

Menstruation.. reaching puberty is a big event in a young girls life ya ?!! its an initiation into womanhood and along with it, all the responsibilities and opportunities. yang membanggakan & juga menyusahkan especially when you're the school going age and later during those oh so very 'subur' years when issues of birthcontrol will have to be dealt with one way or another.

Men.. that all important factor w/out which life would decidedly be very much calmer but never quite as interesting lol yang boleh menjadi pelindung tapi boleh juga menjadi pemusnah.

Marriage.. to me its life's greatest challenge as well as the greatest opportunity for personal growth. yang menuntut komitmen & kesungguhan, yang mengajar erti perkongsian & pengorbanan. paving the way for motherhood (of which AH will always give a little shudder lol) and all its trials & joy !!

Menopause.. the gradual putting down of the mantle and growing old gracefully (having a live-in opah helps the kids to understand this somewhat)

Mortality.. coming to grips with the eventual end. death is inevitable but nobody said we had to wait it out just shaking legs. seize the day!! start with loving yourself.. its the hardest thing to do but its also the ultimate in bersyukur.

And AI tetiba menyampuk.... "eh, ma kitorang macamana plak?" (completely forgetting the fact that dia tgh 'control macho' and pretending disinterest lol)

"Haa... tu kena tanya babah ahh!!"

Oh, dont get me wrong. i've always been open with the kids and we'd had the birds & the bees (and much more) covered eons back. but when it comes to dispensing tips about being a man.... well, i definitely have to leave that to golfman himself kan ?! a man i certainly am not :)

Lazy sunday

Sunday morning rain is falling
Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would lead me back to you
That someday it would lead me back to you

That may be all I needIn darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave

Fingers trace your every outline
Paint a picture with my hands
Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm
Change the weather still together when it ends

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave

But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
Sunday morning rain is falling and I'm calling out to you
Singing someday it'll bring me back to you
Find a way to bring myself back home to you

And you may not know
That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning

Sunday Morning,
MAROON 5.

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** Running Log **

1st lap= about 4 km= 25 mins
2nd lap= about 4 km= 30 mins
Total= about 8 km= 55 mins

It didnt rain but it sure was a hazy morning. bersemangat punya pasal lari gak lol and once ur out there in the jerebu it aint too bad ;) planned to register for the putrajaya run at alamanda but we had visitors so i've postponed it till later.

A bonus

Its a good thing the man's down with flu coz hes home on this glorious saturday morning, hey !!!! take it from me, its a rare thing indeed... boleh dibilang dek jari. normally, come dawn he's already out of the house, grazing... oops, i mean gracing the many greens of the klang valley lol

I was tempted to keep snuggling under the covers but i treasure my early morning runs so so much (weekend je boleh hari lain keje). neeways, he was sleeping like a log with the meds and all. tak sedar pun bini takde lol

Yup, i'm in a good mood alright... had me a great run :)

Got back in plenty of time for breakfast at his fav eating place... org kelate mesti nak pekena nasi dage, laksam & such whenever they possibly can, walaupun jauh skit tak mengape heheh. anyway, if you like east coast fare, theres hatinie at seksyen 10, shah alam (gawd even with exorbitant prices the place is always packed) but we prefer another place at TTDI Jaya. i keep forgetting the name but its right beside a mamak shop in an area immediately opposite TTDI Jaya's surau. the food is tasty, the selection is wide & varied, and to top it all the prices are quite reasonable. masa ramadhan lagi giler2 :)

Golfman has agreed to take me karaoke'ing at the club later... so long as we're home before maghrib and more importantly, home before his AF concert (he's an absolute fanatic i tell ya). and tonite being the finals somemore. sah, memang laa takkan bergerak kemana!!! hmmm... apa ya nak masak utk malam ni nanti? spaghetti'o kot... but golfman lebih suka maggie goreng lol and prolly a lot of finger food also. silap2 jadi food fest laa plak nanti heh ;)

Enjoy your day people !!!!!!

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** Running Log **

2 laps= about 8 km= 65 minutes

In the spirit of share n share alike, golfman has passed on to me his virus lol so, siksa giler nak cuba maintain optimal breathing thru my run this morning. at my age nak keep the stamina going kena banyak control breathing... skejap tersumbat skejap tak, nak tercekik rasanya lol

Tapi masih best giler (mengikut piawai org2 'matang' laa of course.. ahakz) !!!

Sunflower seeds

I've been having this sick sunflower seed addiction for over a year now.... i say 'sick' because even when i know i'll end up with a sore & swollen throat, i just devour packs and packs anyway..... once i start i cant seem to stop. aarghhhh !! its almost a hypnotical thing, kreek goes the husk and in goes the small crispy tasty morsel. and it goes on and on and on and on. i've quit telling myself to stop coz i know i wont !!! *sigh* tahan je lah sakit tekak ni.

Golfman's down with flu so he's home melingkar depan tv ditemani oleh @ 15 (and dont anyone dare change the channel unless they're ready to face the wrath of mr grumpy mumpy). me thinks some people are sooo lucky to have their 'away day' really away.... at shangrila bangkok somemore but then also want to complain maa !!! tsk tsk tsk... tak bersyukur betui ;) for public servants like moi tak payah laaa nak mimpi pun lol seems that they had discussions till the wee hours of the morning. hmpphh..... discussions ke ape ke ?!!? maklum laa kat sana 'rimau' shows pun in abundance kan heheh tapi last day sempat gak main golf nampaknya, flu flu pun ekk !!! hehehe... thats my golf nut for ya !!!!

Oh btw, i was wearing my red kebaya to work today and i thought it would be fun to post a pic of the ole faithful. so out came the family's one and only, much used & oft abused, camera (the one that the whole brood shares lol)

i swear my redkebaya glares acccusingly at me (even from the dark confines of my non too tidy wardrobe) everytime i start slacking or get lazy lol slave driver !!!! so i try to stay off my butt as much as i can but i put my foot down on fridays.... its my day of rest :)

Yay

Golfman's home .......

HAPPY

HAPPY

JOY

JOY

:)

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** Treadmill Log **

Time: 45 mins
Incline: 1 - 2
Speed: 7 - 8
Distance: 5.3 km
Calories burned: 350 kj

* sweating it out to a motley mix of: linkin park, muse, pink, 3 doors down, techno instrumentals, incubus, system of a down....

Innervision

I have a home
Longing to roam
I have to find you
I have to meet you
Signs of your face
Slowing your pace
I need your guidance
I need to seek my inner vision
Inner Vision.

My pupils dance
Lost in a trance
Your sacred silence
Losing all violence
Stars in their place
Mirror your face
I have to find you
I need to seek my inner vision
Inner vision, inner vision.

It's never too late to reinvent the bicycle
[ i still cant figure that part out lol]
A smile brings forth energy or life
Giving you force.
It's never too late to reinvent the bicyclcle
A smile brings forth energy or life
Giving you force.
Vision
Inner vision, inner vision, inner vision
Inner vision, inner vision.
Your sacred silence
Losing all violence.

Mental health

People tend to shy away from the subject. first thing that comes to mind is gila, mereng, nutcase, schizo..... but the state of our mental health is affected by a broad spectrum of conditions (read on). these days with the pressures of modern living and our 'cat eat cat doggie eat dog' world, many are trudging along in quiet desperation and some even slip & slide to the very edge of depression.

My eldest son has ADHD - attention deficit hyperactive disorder (he was also born with vsd aka hole-in-the-heart but we had it corrected when he was still a baby). in layman terms he is clinically hyperactive . alaaa... jenis yg berlari2 tak leh duduk diam tu xcept for him it was much much more. its quite normal for boys to act hyper but once it encroaches into the areas of their school performance, social life and personal growth, its probably more than just high spirits. it'll be a good idea to start monitoring the kid just in case he/she falls into that category because the going will get tougher. ADHD is something that you might not grow out of... more often than not one carries it into adulthood, like my son. back in the 80's it was almost unheard of here but people overseas were already having special programmes and such. kat sana it has even reached the point of abuse - and ramai yg gunakan ADHD as an excuse for bad parenting !!

Of course he doesnt run around like a mad camper anymore lol but his mind's still at full speed behind that calm exterior... he still has to actively fight sudden impulses since he doesnt possess that 'hey hold on a minute' switch to fall back to, still has to make sure boredom doesnt hit him 5 minutes into any new venture and still has to seek that inner strength when things start to get a little too overwhelming. its almost a daily battle but for now, we believe we have gotten over the worse.... back in his early teens, when the superhormones clashed head on with his adhd tendencies and he was desperate for acceptance, he admitted to seriously contemplating suicide. nauzubillah. even though he knew we were always there for him, there comes a time in a lad's life when he needs more than the unconditional love & acceptance of the family. its been an xtremely 'colourful' journey so far and if nothing else, it still holds the promise of continuing to be an interesting one.

Pls Lord bless this family and all others.

I'm reminded of the 'trying times' that has befallen my immediate neighbour. Almost 3 years ago, out of the blue their daughter was struck with hysteria. unfortunately, it has now sort of developed into schizophrenia. takde ribut takde hujan tiba2 saja and it couldnt have happened to a more stable & waraq family. they are the kind of people who welcomes anyone to their home for their monthly usrah & quranic reading sessions.

I remember her as this sweet, easy going girl. who would've thought that a simple college expedition could trigger such a horrific nightmare? there are times when all is quiet but there are also periods of time where she'll start screaming & singing at the top of her lungs. my heart aches for her everytime she goes thru that phase. incidentally, it also marks the time AI would con us into sleeping with him lol (or he with us) because his bedroom overlook hers and i guess the noise can get rather disturbing at times, especially when its the middle of the nite. still, compared to the suffering of her family & siblings, its a small inconvenience. how their home must be a pressure pot sometimes.

Makes me think of 'beautiful mind'. i digress but i've always thought that genius bordered close to madness. its a fine thin line and the possibility of crossing over is so great. i mean the power of the mind is limitless and if unleashed completely, i dont think one can really handle all that brain power. klu tak berhati2 nikmat yang Allah beri kekadang tak terbawa dek manusia. blessed is the person who finds the key to balance & harmony.

Ku panjatkan doa pada MU ... semoga KAU rahmati & berkatilah kehidupan kami semua.

------------------------------------------------------------

Abe oh abe, just one more day ... izinkan aku melayan kepoyoran ku heheh.

Ingin ku pandang wajahmu
Di setiap ketika
Tiada jemu biarpun terluka
Ingin dibelai selalu
Bagaikan waktu dulu
Rasa bahagia dalam dakapanmu

Ku rindu
Wajah dan senyumanmu
Memberikan cahaya
Di dalam setiap mimpi-mimpiku
Kau pergi
Membawa hati ini
Tinggalkan ku sendiri
Dalam sepi

Lafazkan cinta dari bibirmu
Ingin ku dengar sekali lagi
Lafazkan dari hati tulus dan suci
Serahkan cinta abadi
Oh bisikan rindu nada nan syahdu
Pintaku yang terakhir darimu
Pintaku hanya satu
Usah kau berlalu

* as crooned by dayang nurlatiffa.. eh eh, nurfaizah ;)

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** Running Update **

1 lap= about 4 km= 30 mins

I'm not handling the heat very well. its never this hardgoing in the mornings. anyhoo i did complete my routine but just thinking about an xtra lap made me want to bawl my head off lol it must be the age factor. plus the external heat combined with the internal heat to make me feel like a mobile furnace... ughhh.

It was an ok run but on days like this i'm starting to doubt my ability to finish the 7 km at putrajaya within the given time. oohh i would so love to have that cert hanging on my bedroom wall lol !!!!!

Madhouse

Alhamdulillah !!! nothing beats eating when you're really really hungry. one gets to savour & appreciate each and every mouthful. The Prophet sure knew what he was preachin' ;) didnt have time for lunch so right now ini laa yg org kata kenyang perut senang hati lol tra la la la la...

It was a madhouse at the office. on top of the 1001 things i had to get done or else, there was also this particular meeting that went on and on and on, right into lunch and after !!! projects involving the istana can get rather tedious & intricate. in the end i had to face 2 rather disgruntled kids (hari ni panas & berjerebu plak tu... something's burning again with the indons me thinks). on normal days, the distance between home, school and office is manageable enough for me to cart the kiddos back & forth with relative ease. in fact taking a van to school takes longer sebab the van route berbelit2 & berputar2 (we timed it once). works out quite alright xcept for days like this which actually is quite a rare occurrence.

Just going to sort out some mail and we'll be hitting the shah alam mall next. AH has kumon sessions there on tuesday & friday nites. which means her bro has an excuse to just meander around, poking his nose into the nooks & cranies. we call AI 'mat mall' bcoz the guy just loves shopping complexes !!!! weekend je ajak ke klcc laa, midvalley laa, berjaya laa (kesian gak sebab mama dia kureng minat shopping, gives her a headache) ntah kuah mana yang tumpah ntah lol.

Too pooped to run today. i'm not allowing myself to feel any sort of guilt. malam2 nanti nak habiskan the half blood prince and going to just snuggle in with the kids.

Miss you

Golfman's away and around here everyone knows mama gets a little 'weng' (meaning: melalut, jittery, spacey) in his absence. i miss the guy... even if he's not home all that much to begin with (being the workaholic/golfaholic that he is) he's my rock, he grounds me.

Makes me thankful i never followed my mom's footsteps in marrying a soldier even though opportunity abound (people get hitched pretty easily in isolated army camps... yg tak lawa pun nampak macam lawa lol) imagine yours truly having to deal with long absences when the other half kena masuk hutan. bleh jadi cuckoo kot ;) still, i'm sure we all adapt when we need to.

*sigh* masih windu :(

I better go do some running.

---------------------------------------------------

** Running Update **

1 lap= about 4 km= 25 minutes

It was xtremely hardgoing today. i started quite late (6.35 pm) and had AH to pick up by 7.00 pm. 25 mins... and for a good, steady run round the tasik i needed at least 30. yea, 5 mins dont normally make that much of a difference but for me it meant a pressure run instead of my routine!!! aduh, not only did i have to cut corners (no warming up or cooling down) i had to give it all i got !! and the energy zapping heat didnt help either.

Almost pancit i tell ya !! but at least tonite i'll be sleeeping like a log. heh.

13 going on to 20

Yesterday my girlie girl turned 13 !! how the years have flown by !! it feels like only yesterday that she was wriggling away in that old cot, sucking madly at her thumb (ehem... she still does but shush now).

I remember the horrible horrible dilemma we found ourselves in when she was about 10 months. she was having fever, cranky, with a swollen ubun2 and the docs suspected meningitis. we had to make yet another big decision for yet another one of our babies (i'll not go into that now but my 'babies' were all special cases)... to let them proceed with the lumbar puncture or not to?!! it was wrought with uncertainties & risks and you know how that one particular procedure seem to strike terror in the hearts of most people. i remember cringing when relatives and friends kept asking the dreaded question 'nak ambik air tulang belakang?' their horror barely masked. a part of me died everytime they did that.

We did get through it with flying colours but such things leave you with a very different perspective towards life. for one, its that much harder to take things for granted.

Went and got her the contact lens she's been hankering for tapi had to be toric ones bcoz of her astigmatism so have to wait till week's end for it. she believes she'll look better w/out her specs. well, maybe... she does have beautiful lashes and its wasting away behind those specs. also got her a multi heart-shaped bracelet from first silver. funky enough to suit her taste and sweet enough to suit mine... after all i'm paying for it lol.

She's also deliriously happy... seems like 'SS' is back in her circle of friends but this time she has decided not to expect too much from the guy. good for you girl!! always had a rather matured outlook on life. neeways, putting someone on a pedestal like that isnt too healthy; shes bound to get disappointed. after all he's a growing teen himself and tgh belajar nak rapat ngan girls. hope i can selit in some sense here & there w/out bursting her bubble though. its so easy to slip into fantasy mode at that age.

Ahh... my baby's all grown up !!

Golfman's spending the next few days in bangkok. Dropped by putrajaya on the way back from klia, just to check out the marathon route but forgot to bring the map i printed off the website. couldnt really figure out which bridge was the putrajaya bridge ?!! hampeh... silly me.... nak check sangat tapi tak ingat... my son just laughed, the brat !! AI.. takpe gelak kat mama.. you have spm coming real soon you !!! muahahahaha *konon2 je evil*

Finally got some time to really surf today.... besh !!!! and mak datok my mail habih lintang pukang. must learn to manage my time better tapi what to do, got no maid at home and takkan nak harap je kat me mom. dia tengok2 kan the kids pun dah nak mujur. and sometimes i need to be selfish. cant let myself be spread out too thin. my 'me' time is what keeps me together, namely....

- my reading
- my running
- my singing/croaking lol
- my 'lepaking' with the kiddos minus the mummy mode.

So, if a few days passes by and the floors dont get mopped.... or the furniture gets a tad dusty, so be it !! i'm done fretting that i cannot be super duper whatever. i dont hafta and i actually dont wanna be one.

----------------------------------------------------

** Burn Baby Burn - Treadmill **

Time: 37 mins
Incline: 1
Speed: 7.5 - 8
Distance: 4.1 km
Calories burned: 300

Grumpy mumpy

Golfman's been grumpy for weeks now and isnt showing any signs of letting up :(

Lately the juicy gossip sessions we normally share are almost non-existent. he's been retreating into his 'cave' more often but i know enough to leave things well alone for the time being. he doesnt need to keep rehashing nasty stuff when his trying his darnedest to forget about it. like any regular caveman, he sits on his rock (favourite recliner), gazes into the heavens (the idiot box) and is lulled into some semblance of peace by the repeatedly twinkling stars (AF concert repeats).

Hmmmmm.....

Its partly his diabetes. the body's still adjusting to the meds i think hence the restlessness. probably wondering why he's suddenly feeling so uncomfortable under his own skin. but i suspect it also has something to do with that problem at the office. by piecing together fragmented snippets, i gather its the incompetence of a certain, ummm, dept that he's finding so intolerable. and all this waiting for a definite result is slowly draining the life blood outta him thats fer sure. poor baby, must be damn frustrating being in limbo like that. ooh, and poor us too actually, its the family that has to live with mr grumpy till all is settled.

It doesnt help that i cant even tempt him with any of his favourite desserts (he has a sweet tooth with a capital S) like lompat tike, butir nangko, akok *sigh* it'll help boost his spirits somewhat but they're all so damn sweet and the man is diabetic !!! looks like i'll just have to resort to that skimpy thingy yet again lol

Abe, my prayers are always with you. must be tough reigning over a kingdom however small..... but be assured my grumpy king, we your loyal subjects pledge our love & loyalty for all eternity.

Respecting the kids

I pulled over for pisang & cempedak goreng on my way back to work (yup, it was only around 2 pm but they were already selling minum ptg stuff.. tak kira masa much like the 24/7 nasi lemak). a couple of kids were already there, probably on their way to mengaji classes judging from the songkoks perched on their heads. so there we were, waiting for that 1st batch to come out of the kuali and the boys were by now tertunduk malu coz i, the makcik stranger, had grinned at them (probably hoping against hope i wasnt a crazy old coot out to get them lol).

The moment the pisang goreng hit the receiving basket, we all stood to attention.. maklumlah dah tak sabar menunggu (actually i'm fasting so i was buying the stuff for my officemates). surprise, surprise... the seller terus turned to me and asked, "kak nak brape?" !!!!!!!! and i just stared at her coz the kids were very obviously there first (there was only 4 of us so takkan laa confuse kot). what else could i do except gently reprimand her but she just smilingly replied, "bukan apa kak, kak sibuk nak keje".

I guess i cant totally fault her reasoning... mungkin ada customer yg pernah mintak nak cepat using that excuse, mungkin she'd been taught to always put the elders first... dunno. but i strongly believe in the '1st come 1st serve' basis, regardless of age, race or gender. lainlah klu ada yg budiman enough to let you go first tapi kenalah stick to the basic principles. and in this case kesian bebudak tu.... i'm a kid therefore i am seen but not heard ?!! alaa, tu kan dah tak boleh pakai lagi daah.

In fact this isnt the first time. try getting your kids to buy something for you while you wait in the car... chances are they'll take a longer time than you ever would. if its not the seller yg buat hal its another customer bulldozing their way thru. and of course its always much easier to bulldoze children !!

The kids deserve to be treated better... after all they are paying customers too. tu bukan duit mainan yg mereka unjuk.

Ok then, time i hit the gym. lambat2 kang kot tak dapat plak naik treadmill :)

-------------------------------------------------

** Activity Log - Treadmill **
Time: 40 mins
Incline: 1
Speed: average of 7.5
Distance: 4.5 km
Calories burned: 280

Muh girlie girl

AH - facing the teenage turbulence head on but with a lil help from ...


bro no. 1 (tempat mengadu)


bro no. 2 (tempat bergurau)


.... and her cutie pies (where she gets total acceptance).

Lady bosses

Nah, this isnt about that new malay movie (one of these days nak gak check it out coz i like saiful apek) its just about lady bosses in general. one thing's fer sure, you need to be on your toes around them !! i'm not bias or anything, just talking thru observation & experience. women tend to notice the 'little' things (yea yea me included) and its good so long as we dont allow ourselves to get all worked up over it and eventually lose sight of the bigger picture !!

Kena berpada-pada. a lot has to do with establishing the requirements in view of the available resources.... and prioritizing. everything must be taken into consideration. they say staying with the bigger picture is a man's forte. now does that mean the smaller stuff escapes them ?! lol ;)

Aah well, bosses come and go so we make do :)

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AH's been prattling non stop about her 'hateful' (for now) friends....... they're 'matchmaking' her with another geek. she hates it that they're always trying to 'couple' (their choice of words not mine) her with someone or other. she says shes not a desperate teenager thank you very much.... kenapa, tak 'couple' tak boleh ke???!!! lol.... thing is she'd probably be singing an entirely different tune if they did pair her off with 'SS' , this guy shes been carrying the torch for since she was 10. even if i still dont quite see what's there to go all ga-ga over (but what do i know, i'm ancient) its the cinta monyet thing i guess.

Kesian sebenarnya bebudak perempuan sekarang. not only are they expected to do well in school, they're also under pressure to be accepted by the mainstream groups and to prove that they're 'desirable' as well. it was probably the same back then but i dont remember it being quite as 'intense'... sometimes tu takde kesian punya specially if you're different (translated as 'that weirdo') and/or you're not considered one of the 'beautiful people' (translated as 'that poor ugly thang').

Of course we moms try to counter the effect with reassurances and support but peer expectation can be quite a heavy burden to bear. even if they are basically a well rounded little person to begin with, sikit sebanyak ada gak kesan pada their self-esteem. i hope it gets better when shes in form 2. hopefully this is just a transition period, that of adjusting from primary school mentality to secondary. and actually AH untung sebab she does have 2 bros (however obnoxious they might sometime seem to her lol) so when it comes to dealing with males, shes not all that clueless. which still leaves her the catty girls though. she'll have to maneuver her way around them i suppose. and of course she can always count on me to be her pendengar setia, if its any help.

Its tough being a teenager..... more so in this new millenium !!!!!

----------------------------------------------------------

Ok, i just checked out a new route for my jog/run. according to that 'whatever' meter in the car (yg kira distance tu laa), 1 lap around my entire office complex (the one encircling all 3 gates) is about 3.5 km. which means 2 laps would make it 7 km.... just nice for me to train in and a change from the usual tasik route :) about another month to go before the putrajaya half mara (still tak register sebab still tak sure). tinggal nak buat tak nak buat jer heh.

Mana urat berani awak cek pah !!!!!

Transcending disabilities

When you're faced with proof that courage & tenacity can transcend any obstacle, you cant help but be awed & breathless !! i switched over to the 2005 ESPY awards ceremony just as the winners of the Aurthur Ashe courage award was announced and i sat there transfixed as they rolled the short documentary on both Jim MacLaren & Emmanuel Ofosu Yeboah. God, those 2 guys are running & cycling despite severe disabilities (and as in jim's case having to rise from tragedy 2x.. however does he do it ?!). doesnt leave us able bodied people much room for excuse now does it ?!

Anyhoo, watching those two makes me feel that i too can move mountains if i wanted it badly enough !! they're completely awesome... makes me ever so glad i pushed myself outta bed and onto the jogging track this morning, even though it was wet & drizzly.

1st lap= about 4 km= 25 minutes
2nd lap= about 8 km= 30 minutes
total time = 55 minutes (still under 1 hr .. yay!)

Even if its nowhere close to what those marvelously courageous guys are doing (macam langit dgn bumi obviously), i'd like to think it aint too shabby for a 40 something non-athletic makcik ;) haaa, perasan jgn tak perasan pah oooi lol !!!

Hmmmm. wonder if theres still any spaghetti left over from dinner (the kiddos usually packs 'em in like theres no tomorrow lol) ingat nak buat 'sahur'....

Jom puasa jom :)

Manual vs auto

*groan* why did i agree to an auto car again?

• logical choice for city traffic
• easier... tekan jer
• kinder to aging knees
• kiddos with new license prefer auto

Dayyum !! wish i never allowed myself to be persuaded by golfman & da kid !!!!!! hampeh betul laa, langsung takde 'feel'. instead of us being in control, we're the one left to the mercy of the car. liat semacam... ikut suka dia jer nak respon !! its almost a year now but i still cant get use to it. i miss listening to what the car is telling me... i miss the synergistic flow of power... i miss feeling one with the car. gimme a manual anytime !!! except of course if its a car with a steptronic transmission. aha... now thats what i call an acceptable option. but then golfman kedekut kereta dia plak.

Its another friday already and suria klcc draws that much nearer. *sigh* i am not looking forward to tomorrow !!

Me tercekik

I love rain. be it a drizzle or a full blown storm. theres something about it that is cleansing to the soul.

Lately its a madhouse here at work. tak menang tangan... and to a certain extent, as quantity increases quality decreases. just cant be helped. when the luxury of deliberating over something is taken away one tends to miss out on the finer points. so we try to manage as best we can. humans are a resilient, hopeful lot after all. survivors.

Still having that sore throat. aargghh.... this phlegm never seem to want to go away. and to top it all, me, the champion in devouring terubok (that fish with bones all over the place) tercekik tulang the other nite !!!!!! me !!!!! it was pretty painful and not to mention embarassing since i pride myself at being a competent bony fish eater. golfman (who carries this phobia about tercekik tulang since childhood) has always been the voice of doom 'haa, makan lah tercekik nanti' everytime i eat fish, which is often. and there he was smirking away with that 'i told you so' look pasted on his face. hmmm, kot dah jadi doa kot bila disebut2 selalu. anyway i had no choice but to stick my little finger in there and start poking around hoping to lodge the bugger out. many gags later (almost lost my dinner at one point lol) i was finally free, though now i'm kinda wondering if it hasnt somehow speared my gut, heh ;)

Despite the gloomy weather i have been doing a little running..... 3 km on monday, 4 km on tuesday and a session with paula abdul's lets dance in the privacy of my bedroom late last nite. too busy to get out so have to make do laa :)

I have an important errand to run, the outcome of which has wide repercussions. may HIS blessings be with me ! *sigh* the things we do for the ones we love..... theres a grand lesson to be learned from this and my greatest hope is that it'll turn out ok in the end. you owe me big time AF !!!

There are days..

A dark & gloomy morning..... the exact reflection of my mood.

Its days like these that makes you dig deep for the strength to see it through at least half competent. my throat hurts, i feel seram sejuk for no reason and AF's problems are certainly not helping. i have the misfortune of having people around me who reacts to situations, mengamuk sana mengamuk sini and nobody seem to give a damn about solving problems. tackle the glitch then get angry boleh tak? whatever happened to being supportive? we're always so very critical of the ones we love. thats why in the end i keep it all bottled up and dispense info on a need to know basis only. for better for worse, its easier that way.... biar sesak otak asalkan tak bising2.... i cant stand that. i slog on but will they ever realise that i am not as strong as i look ?

You gotta make your own sunshine woman... you know that... you've always known that.

Pening

I went through another busy weekend....

On saturday, around 6.30 am we all joined the merry queue at konikuniya for the harry potter launch. sad to say we didnt make the first 300 people so no free wands (nak buat ape dgn benda tu ekk?!! lol) but we did get the early bird RM25.00 voucher though. ok laaa dapat la gak something. kid no. 2 happy giler and still reading the book, slow reader that he is... seems that dumbledor mati or something and snape is not the good guy disguised as the bad guy after all.... he's one wicked dude !!

8.00 am sunday, there was the EXSAS annual bowling championship at Sunway Pyramid's megalane. Cant bowl even if my life depended on it so pegi just to sorak2. asal the guyz tak dapat corot jadi laa lol. EXSAS had the bowling alley all to our goodselves till 11 am so riuh sakan. 'ayahanda' rahim, the 1st pengetua was there being as supportive as always. the irony of it is, the guy hasnt changed much but we all certainly have lol

Sad part about being busy is..... you have to forgo certain things coz there is that 24 hr limit in a day. jadi, dah berkurun rasanya tak lari..... waaaaahhhhhhh !!!!! also its always raining these days and its damn good weather for melingkar *sigh* feel soooo sluggish already...... bad sign.

TGIF

Oh thank you God its friday already !!!!!!

Nak sampai ke penghujung friday penat giler doh...... but its finally the weekend. yeah... yeah... (and that catchy usher song is reverberating through my brains lol).


A typical crazee friday deep in the heart of the suburbian jungle ;)

5.45 am - wakey wakey

7.15 am - drop off kid no. 2 at school on the way to work.

8.00 am - start of workday

9.00 am - site visit to polytechnic shah alam... they have an old burned down building to refurbish

10.00 am - project meeting at JKR district office

11.45 am - back at ye olde desk

12.45 pm - pick up kid no. 2 from school (in the heaviest of downpours).

1.15 pm - drop off kid no. 1, 2 and two of their friends at the state mosque for friday prayers and returning home for a quick lunch.

1.45 pm - drop off kid no. 3 to school.

2.00 pm - onwards to the mosque for pick up.

2.15 pm - upon reaching home kid no. 1 complains of slight dizziness and in view of his borderline hypertension, its off to the clinic for a quick check.

3.10 pm - everything's ok but the doc sure took his time so made sure i got meself a time slip before returning home to pick up kid no. 2 and friend.

3.15 pm - drop off kid no. 1 & friend at commuter station: destination low yat, kl (puter stuff) and drop off kid no. 2 for tuition.

3.30 pm - finally back at ye ole desk again albeit 45 minutes late ( but i did get that time slip).

5.00 pm - end of workday but when have i ever left that early ?!!

*** i'll be leaving soon but be assured the rest will be just as i wrote it since nothing has deviated all that much over the years lol ***

6.00 pm - time to abandon the fort - it'll hold till next week at least

6.15 pm - pick up kid no. 2 from said tuition and straight on to school yet again to wait out kid no. 3 whose classes ends at 6.45 pm.

7.00 pm - back home (again). 5 mins playtime with the kitties before checking up on dinner.

7.30 pm - that much needed shower & maghrib.

8.00 pm - dinner without golfman (he's gone to the sports carnival dinner).

8.30 pm - off to the mall for kid no. 3's kumon session (at least some reading time while i wait)

9.30 pm - pick up kid no. 1 & friend from commuter on the way back home from the mall.

9.45 pm - HOME SWEET HOME.... ahhh blissssssssss. finally a place to park this aching body.


Wanna switch places anyone? you'll be assured of 'NUT' status in no time hehehe.

Hmmmmm... i've reposted this just to mention about the time.... 4.21 pm ?? but i first posted it around 5.40 pm. the puter timing is probably just as whacked out as i am :(

Separate but together. Huh ?!!

Separate in our togetherness or together in our separateness ? hmmm... whatever.

I see people breaking up and one of the reason is ...... kongkongan.

I dunno but i'm thinking if we're going for the long haul in a relationship, we must have a slice of that 'togetherness' to call our very own. macamane loving, rapat n sehaluan theres always that 'thing' that marks us as an individual and if we forsake that individuality, somewhere along the line something's gonna give. we can perhaps fool ourselves part of the time but we cant do it all of the time. the soul slowly shrivels up and dies when we totally deny who and what we are.

Problem with new couples, they forego that right and embrace togetherness in total. of course we want to spend each and every minute of our time glued to our significant other; its only natural. but neglecting to appreciate each others differences and to allow some personal space early in a relationship makes it extremely difficult afterwards. klu dah asyik berkepit nanti ada yg merajuk bila tiba-tiba nak berenggang. So claim whatever time is due to you without guilt whilst at the same time allow your partner to pursue his/her interest without rancour. Lets celebrate our 'separateness' and come together recharged & all the more passionate for each other ;)


Oh, my boy is coming home from Sg Petani for the weekend and the brood is full once again. my cup runneth over !!

This & that

I'm in an unusual state of fatigue today. fasting doesnt normally do this to me so must be age catching up or something. i think today i'm just going to snuggle with the kids and watch one of their goofy animes, like school rumble or something. the japanese are a really creative lot and their animes also reflect their willingness to experiment with taboos. like falling in love with your own persocom (chobits), making out with your own teacher (onegai teacher), a guy trapped in a girl's body (the cheeky angel), and another one of a guy who wakes up to find his right hand (or was it his left) has turned into a genuine, living & breathing, girl's head lol. crazy stuff but interesting if you really think about it.

Lately people have been saying that i must be on some kinda diet. they think i'm thinner (i suppose i am a little) but isnt it funny that their first assumption has got to do with food !? with all the fad diets flooding the market, are middle aged women perceived to be a gullible lot i wonder? i admit to having a big appetite (sakit pun lalu gak makan, tak senonoh betul kan hehehe) and have been battling it like forever in my quest for the 'perfect' body (but i've long since given that up lol)

*****
Height: 155 cm
Weight: 53 kg
Sure wish i could trim it down to 5o kg but i'll probably end up looking too hagard (what to do, cheeks dah tak anjal maa and botox isnt even an option) neeways, 52 does seem like a nicer number though.
*****

But no, i havent been dieting (just sticking to simple balanced meals is all). so when i tell them its probably because i've now picked up running (and loving it) they give me this tak percaya look that speaks volumes !!!!! i'm guessing i dont even look like someone who's bothered about fitness kot lol ahh well .... all i know is i'm feeling better than i've felt for a long while and so its ok. no matter the occasional fatigue. thats just me still attempting to do too much at one time. i keep forgetting that i aint a spring chicken no more lol.

Same thing with golfman. this whole week has been torture for the guy. its not so much the tight training schedule of the sports carnival... its the realisation that hes not as young or as fit as he used to be. takes a lot of getting used to that one !! the up side of the matter is he's going to put in more effort into keeping fit and to hell with his work load (or so he says with penuh semangat one lol). we'll see how far that goes :)

*sigh* time does fly

Attack of the Gelgata

*yawn*

Ughhh.... feeling a little groggy this morning. yesterday, AH's fever subsided once she took her meds but towards maghrib she broke out in gelgata rashes (big angry looking spots which are itchy as hell). there she was scratching and scratching away throughout the nite and moi hardly slept a wink coz she was going like 'ma garu blakang ma... garu blakang ma' every 5 seconds. need to drop by the clinic for some chamomile lotion or something. dont think either of us can handle another garu filled nite (but as usual golfman slept through it all... however does he do it ?!) . if i'm not careful, i'd probably be making a mess outta my reports this morning so gotta be on my toes *yawn yawn* mmmm.... do i still have 'em *peeking downwards* ?!!! lol

Its already mid July so i'm starting my intermittent fasting for AI as a form of spiritual support in view of his SPM. since i cant do much else but prod him and pray, i'm thinking i stand a better chance of being 'heard' if i fast as well. tis said doa org berpuasa lebih makbul..... so i'm doing my part, berusaha apa yg termampu and the rest is up to him & God.

Mak, who lives with us, is pretty stressed up right now.... AF's having some trouble in college (guys will be guys i guess) and she cant help but worry herself sick !!!! when that happens she gets cranky and usually passes it on to the lot of us. nag nag nag but we're kinda used to it.... we keep reminding ourselves its because she cares. after all, young children and old folks are put onto this earth for a reason..... to elevate our level of patience and endurance :) i'm worried sick myself but apart from trying to still be supportive even if i'm mad as hell, theres not much that can be done. he has to live with the consequences of his actions. theres a lesson to be learnt here and hopefully he gets through it a better person.

Ok..... where's that pile of paperwork ? *stifling another yawn* i wonder if i'll make it to the maksak gym today ? oh and just for the record, instead of running round the tasik yesterday (it was raining quite heavily the whole afternoon) i had a late nite gym session at the club. with all these going ons, i just had to run or i would have gone cuckoo otherwise.

Threadmill (11/07/05)

Time: 42 mins
Incline: 1
Speed: warm up & cool down, pacing at 7-8 with spurts of 9.
Distance: 5 km
Calories burned: 410


NOTE: the medical term for gelgata is urti caria (courtesy of the good doctor) and its actually an allergic reaction.

Broadband-less

DRAT drat drat !!! we've been broadbandless since the weekend and the kiddos & me, we're sangap beyond words. still dunno whether its the connection, the modem or our 'ole faithful' aka long suffering puter. hate it when it comes to troubleshooting *sigh* bukannye terra mana pun nak godek2 sgt :(

Anyways.... saturday was both a pleasure & a pain (again lol). the almost 3 hr wait till suria klcc starts operating was certainly a pain (as my kembatu butt & stiff back would testify heheh) but the 1 hr plus movie at least made up for it. we went for initial d and since i'm a speed freak, it was fun ('twas mostly about this group of people's obsession with racing downhill). my daughter wasnt complaining either coz she had more than her share of eye candy lol (she was like ooohing and aahhing "ma..... cutenye ma"... "maaaaa, yg tu lagi cute ma" ... and to be honest with ya, memang the guyz were cute2 pun lol). there's 3 more saturdays to go and i'm still trying to figure out how to incorporate a morning run w/out having to worry 'bout my lil girlie. she's abdamant about not 'sweating' with me and wants to write instead (and no amount of coercing seem to work). ohh, which reminds me, next week promises to be even worse *double sigh* kena line up utk buku harry potter plak... that new one, half blood prince or something, cant remember. imagine the queue coz there must be dozens of HP fanatics out there..... and moi will be braving all that for my boy AI, the brat !!! sebenarnye tak sampai hati sbab dia beriya sgt and he does have that seminar thingy to attend. that bloody book better be worth my aches & pains !!!!!!!!!!!

So, the kiddos & me had free reign both saturday and sunday coz golfman was busy busy busy with tennis & golf practice for his petronas annual sports carnival (hmmphh, bila keluar rumah macho habis tapi bila balik je terus sakit2 sana sini.... macam2 lol). tu laa ingat nak get connected lama skit, aleh2 we couldnt access the net. heesh, geram betul. time that could have been spent surfing merrily away wasted just like that. aahh well... the good thing is i got to run early sunday morning and managed to complete 2 laps round the tasik, yay!! if its true 1 lap=4km (i still cant confirm the distance) then 2 laps=8km=55minutes. felt pretty good overall but i've been noticing, it gets a little tough going everytime i hit 3-4 km - i get this draggy feeling and my body heats up to the point that i feel like ripping off my tudung but then the funny thing is, after that it gets better. i mean, as it gradually gets cooler, i feel energy creeping back and i'm running easy again. hate that feeling when it hits though. going for another round right after work today but with the midday heat to content with..... probably'll be a slow sluggish run :(

Oohh i did manage to check out some running shoes while i was in suria klcc.... jadi lagi confuse ada laaa !!! wont be making any decisions in the near future thats for sure lol

Another thing, AH's down with some virus or other (fever, tummy ache, the likes) but she seem a lot better after taking some meds & the 2 day MC she got from the doc certainly helped.... i believe any break from school is a much welcomed diversion ;)

Freedom

Travel on a freshly resurfaced highway and we'd probably get an inkling of what sudden unlimited freedom might feel like !!! and i must tell you for me its pretty scaaaary.

Just picture it..... there you are speeding down the highway, out on one of your endless tight schedules, focused on staying on the fast lane and god save any errant drivers that might get in your way !! then suddenly, pooof, there're no more lines or markers to mark your way. you're in unchartered territory. you're thinking, "whoa.... no markers" and you feel a stab of loss at first but the sudden freedom excites you and automatically you speed up, eager to be king of the pack. but it doesnt take you long to realise you're not the only one. everyone else is scrambling to be ahead, its a free for all: "oh noooo, what the hell is that guy doing ? he's not supposed to cut across like that" and next you're screaming "you moron !!! jgn makan jalan lah ... stick to your bloody lane (but of course theres no lane to stick to anymore)". you push ahead but even though the newly laid surface is such a joy, before long you're praying that the stretch would end and that order be restored to your life in the form of that simple white line.

Theres order and theres chaos. which brings me to wonder, can we really truly handle unlimited freedom?!


**********

The istana is under termite attack !!!!!!! well that certainly galvanized the state govt into calling a meeting to settle the matter (nobody wants to face Tuanku's wrath obviously lol). not knowing her way around, the new boss roped me in (i am after all a 'veteran' of long standing lol). one has to be extremely careful with istana projects, they certainly are a breed apart. silap2 kena buang negeri heheh. anyway, it dragged on and on and on for close to 2 hours (i was having problems focussing by then and my empty tummy didnt help one bit lol). ended up all 7 istanas are to be treated. bummer.... more work for moi.

Somehow the whole thing drained whatever energy i had left and by the time i got home and broke fast.... melepek giler !! Sad to report, not only did i miss out on my thursday gym session @ maksak, i also couldnt muster up enough will to attempt a nite run. just sempat jemaah with the kiddos, yassin & terus padam *sigh* you're such a wimp pah !!

Aduhai Wak Mon..

Gawd, how does she do it?!! after all these years she still manages to pack a wallop !!!!!! wak mon.... a small wiry 72 year old woman who has hands of steel (believe me i am not exaggerating here) and who also happens to be my favourite masseuse of all time. aduh... never ever be deceived by her appearance.... she definately isnt one for the faint hearted lol.

Some would probably consider it 'torture' especially those who goes for a massage expecting to be lulled to sleep. oh nooooo... not with wak mon. when she gets to certain parts of your body you'd have to try your utmost best not to scream and embarrass yourself lol tapi i tell ya..... the feeling you get after all that. its well worth the 'pain' !!!!!! in fact i skipped lunch today for an hour long session. ahhhhhhh... besh :)

OK, when you're almost ancient like me theres a couple of things you gotta take care off or else lol. and top on that list is maintaining a much used & often abused body. you young 'uns out there, never take your body for granted (like i did when i was younger... yea, i should've known better but put it down to the arrogance of youth) see, it is the only one we've got and spareparts are near impossible to find (klu pun ada). now i make sure i take some basic supplements..... antioxidants, vitamins, minerals..... and it helps i guess coz i'm doing ok so far lol. i also believe in jamu & makjun. hehe... mengarut you say ?!! maybe..... but just look at the majestic looking javanese ladies. and in all probability, most of the famous minah indons are taking it as well. i mean after all it is part of their culture (mat salleh tu lain ahh, they have their liquor to warm their bodies & kecutkan urat lol). also kan, look at the indon workers... weh, kuat nak mampus !! when i'm out on site i see them slogging away like nobody's business regardless of age or gender. so i figure there must be some truth in it lah somehow.

Back to wak mon. i go see her every month and shes worth every visit. even if you dont have a wak mon to channel out your masochistic tendencies lol i believe getting in touch with your body through massage is beneficial... but not the 'sg wang/bukit bintang' kind lah obviously lol

Neeways... regardless of how, where or when...... lets look after that body ok people !!! and i leave you with this reminder or rather, gentle prodding from baz luhrmann ;)

Wear sunscreen.......

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proven by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked...You're not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you.

Sing

Don't be reckless with other peoples hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind...the race is long, and in the end its only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Dont feel guilty if you don't know what to do with your life...the most interesting people I know didnt know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still dont.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, youll miss them when theyre gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you wont, maybe you'll have children, maybe you wont, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary...what ever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either - your choices are half chance, so are everybody elses.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can...dont be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, its the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance...even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you dont follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, youll never know when theyll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, price will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out. Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time its 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than its worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen...

An empty gym !?!

Earlier this year MAKSAK opened a mini gym at the place where i work. its really teeny weeny by most standards but equipped with brand new stuff (mainly 3 threadmills, 2 bikes, a compact weightlifting/body toning centre and some other whatchamacallits). open workdays to all civil servants from 4.30 pm to 7 pm where tuesdays & thursdays are reserved for women.

Its for free but the surprising thing is.... sometimes nobody seem to be using it !!!!!!! sayang kan, all that equipment wasting away like that. tadi i was 'the lone threadmill runner' (said in the same tone one would use for 'the lone ranger' heheh). had the place all to myself so i stayed on for over an hour. sampai sudah nobody turned up (boring giler takde teman nak pok pek lol). tsk tsk tsk ... what can i say.... some people just dont seem to appreciate what's available for them. its free.... free !!!


Workout for the day: pounding the threadmill

Time: 62 mins

Incline: 1 & 2

Speed: 5 mins warming up & cooling down each at 5, 50 mins at mostly 7-8 with short bursts of 9.

Distance: 7.1 km

Calories burned: 490

State of mind & body: a little tired but plenty happy :)

Most of the people close to me are couch potatoes (used to be one myself lol) so i dont really know where i'm going with this, whether i'm doing ok or otherwise. but i do know it feels great !!!

I think tonite i'd better continue my reading of the tafsir alquran.... its been awhile.

New boss

I'm usually amongst the earliest to the office but who do i find switching the lights on and generally 'starting' up the office this morning? my new boss !!!!!! and due to my profession, its another lady boss of course (in the quantity surveying line, the men have mostly abandoned the public sector for greener pasteurs). hmmmm.... must take note the lady comes in early. i've been around this place close to 19 yrs and since then, bosses have come and gone (and i sure as hell seen all kinds of management styles lol). through it all, i've found that the best way to survive is still to observe and 'ikut rentak terkini'.

Right in the middle of a staff meeting, the hubby called. wanted to have b/fast with me but i was only about halfway through the meeting (with the new boss somemore). poor baby.... he was at the doc's and the report from last week's test shows very high levels of cholesterol & sugar. no 2 ways about it now, he's gotta be on meds. plus sticking to a better diet & exercise routine. *sigh* thats easier said then done you know. its difficult for a wife to insist on such things coz if we're not careful it comes across as being pushy & bossy when all the while its because we care..... maybe a little too much. anyway, he has to be the one committed to taking better care of his health but i'll be here beside him. i'll always be here, God willing.

I'm resting a little easier knowing the eldest has started his new year in UPSI. dropped him off at Kampus Sultan Azlan Shah, Tg Malim around 2.30 pm and he was extremely pleased to observe that his student block (where he's sharing an apartment unit with 5 of his mates) was squeezed in between ones for ladies !!!! that should keep them pretty well occupied lol.

Yesterday i was too pooped to get online so i'm jotting this one down today just for my record.

Threadmill work (03/07/05)

Time: 35 mins

Incline: 1 & 2

Speed: warm up & cool down speeds of 5, about 25 mins of 7, 8 & 9.

Distance: 4 km

Calories burned: 306

Just read about the Putrajaya Half Marathon from fadzli's blog. hmmmmm... looks kinda interesting... specially the 7 km women's veteran category. 7 km within 1 hr 10 mins seem pretty manageable but honestly, the thought of racing just scares the shit outta me !!!!! even though its not bloody likely anyone's expecting me to blaze my way through the 7 km (a snail's pace is more like it lol) but still scary nevertheless. *thinking thinking* i might be quaking in my 2" heels right now but it is still a loooooong way away. ni lah org kata phenomena 'takut tapi mau' hehehe.... wonder if they'll take in last minute entries ?!! in case i suddenly strike my urat berani closer to the event. well definately something to sleep on :)

Oh.. and theres a mistake in the qualifying time for Category D at the Code, Categories, Age Group, Distance, Qualifying Time Table for the Putrajaya Half Marathon. It should read 2 hrs 45 mins instead of 3 hrs 45 mins i think, otherwise it doesnt make sense that its a longer time than the one alotted for Category E. would have contacted the people involved but they didnt provide any email addy...... aah well, they're bound to notice it sooner or later.

Shopping? Do i have to ?!

The past 2 days have been madness.... the eldest goes back to college this sunday and since its been a while since we last shopped for his stuff i took leave from work just for that. yuk..... who said women loved shopping? its pretty damn stressful is what it is !!!!!

Today AI (my 2nd) starts his 1st of a series of 5 motivational talks organized by petronas for their staff's children. registration was at 7 am !!!! just imagine... suria klcc was like a ghost ship then. since the seminar ends at 1 pm my daughter & i had almost 6 hours of lepak time on our hands (almost unheard of otherwise lol). gawd, it was a strange feeling indeed watching a 'dead' mall come alive...... it was eeriely quiet at first but by 10 am we were starting to wonder where the hell did all the people suddenly come from?

Just to help past the time (i'm not one for shopping and neither is my daughter) we decided to go see a movie and ended up watching war of the world. my daughter enjoyed herself enormously but to be honest, i'm not really a cruise fan (as a hero he's a little too short for my taste) and though the story line is interesting, its non too believable. i prefer independence day i think. but initial d doesnt look too shabby either so maybe next saturday we'll go watch that one ! and of course the fantastic 4 after that :)

When we finally reached home around 4, golfman was already back and from the look of things he probably had a terrible game. aahh well, at least theres akademi fantasia tonite.... that always cheers him up some coz hes a great fan (he watches the repeats & auditions faithfully and if thats not obsession i wonder what is lol)

Gotta rest.... tomorrow's probably going to be a another loooong day since mr golfman here has another tourny arranged and that means i'll be sending the kiddo to tanjong malim all by me own self.


Off-Me-Butt Report
*sigh* to tired to do any running...... semalam KO and looks like tonite pun KO. but must do some stretching before bed at the very least.